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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Irritated that my mum and partner are going for Christmas dinner alone ..

218 replies

Helloitsmepickle2016 · 06/10/2021 16:21

Context - we have always spent Christmas together , my mum , her partner , me my husband , my 4 year old , my sister , and my mums partners kids. My mum loves the hustle and bustle of it all and thinks the world of her grandson and has always loved being with us on Christmas Day.

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all.

Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 06/10/2021 19:31

@Helloitsmepickle2016

For those asking. My husbands family aren’t around to spend Christmas with
So why don't you offer to host this year and see if that changes things? And actually host. No asking her for help with the potatoes or basting the turkey, but let her sit there and relax.
MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 19:34

But @JesusIsAnyNameFree the OP's mother wants to spend Christmas with her partner. Why should she HAVE to spend it with the OP? Even if the OP does Christmas, and 'lets' her mum sit down and do nothing?!

MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 19:34

@JesusIsAnyNameFree I meant to say the OP's mum wants to spend Christmas with her partner ONLY ... Not with anyone else.

Frostine · 06/10/2021 19:36

Christmas is all about spending it doing things you want . They want to do it different this year .

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 06/10/2021 19:42

@MyPatronusIsACat

But *@JesusIsAnyNameFree* the OP's mother wants to spend Christmas with her partner. Why should she HAVE to spend it with the OP? Even if the OP does Christmas, and 'lets' her mum sit down and do nothing?!
She didn't such any such thing though.

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all
Ambiguous. Could mean break from them, could mean break from the stress. Most of us are opting to celebrate at home due to the stress, not because we don't want to see the family.

notacooldad · 06/10/2021 19:42

Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?
Not necessarily. They mean different things to different people.

TheLeadbetterLife · 06/10/2021 19:44

@MyPatronusIsACat

Exactly. My partner and I are in our 30s and don’t have children. The last Christmas I spent with my family was in 2007. We’ve spent it with his parents a couple of times, which was okay, but the best Christmases have been when it’s just us. Which is most of them.

We take a fortnight off work, make loads of traditional Christmas food and just enjoy doing nothing. We’ll drop in on family during that time for an afternoon, or a dinner, or go to the pub. It’s peaceful and relaxing and indulgent - everything Christmas should be.

iolaus · 06/10/2021 19:44

I first read the title as your mum was going out for christmas dinner with YOUR partner, without you - and was completely on your side

As it is - it's up to her, you aren't being left alone - and maybe she doesn't thrive on it as much as you thought she did

GoWalkabout · 06/10/2021 19:48

Love doing something different every few years. Have a relaxing small Christmas op

BoredZelda · 06/10/2021 20:03

My mum said she was going to do Christmas this year as my sister didn’t want to. She always seemed to love doing it, having a house full etc. I invited her to mine for Christmas (we won’t have room for everyone) and said let’s all go to yours 28th instead and we’ll order in a buffet.” She exhaled and said “yes, thank you, cooking for 13 is just too much for us now”

If dad was up for going out for a Christmas dinner, she’d love to do it.

MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 20:05

@Helloitsmepickle2016

Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?

Agree with @notacooldad YABU to think that everyone should have to think the same as you.

mypatronusisacat

The OP's mum said she wants to spend Christmas with her partner.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

She didn't say any such thing though.

Err yeah she did. Confused The OP's mum has said just that! She wants to spend Christmas her partner.

YouTubeAddict · 06/10/2021 20:06

From your title I thought you meant your mum and your partner were going for Christmas dinner. I was all set to press YANBU until i realised what you actually meant.

Just to clarify YABU! Grow up.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 06/10/2021 20:07

@MyPatronusIsACat

Where?

edwinbear · 06/10/2021 20:13

We've done big family Christmas's, Christmas just DH, me and 2 DC at home, Christmas out to lunch, just the 4 of us and also with family. Going out for Christmas lunch is my absolute favourite, no stressing about buying a turkey, pigs in blankets, Christmas pudding etc, no meal prep, no standing in the kitchen stressing about timings when everyone else is opening presents with a glass of champagne, no laying a festive Christmas table, no washing up afterwards. I can fully understand your DM fancies giving it a go one year. It's awesome.

Anonymous48 · 06/10/2021 20:13

You're being reasonable to be disappointed, but unreasonable to be irritated by it. It's completely your mother's decision.

Saoirse82 · 06/10/2021 20:16

Personally I'd be disappointed too. Christmas is all about family so I'd be upset if my parents decided to spend it on their own one year.

FuckingFlumps · 06/10/2021 20:21

@Saoirse82

Personally I'd be disappointed too. Christmas is all about family so I'd be upset if my parents decided to spend it on their own one year.
Why though? Unless that meant you had no one else to spend it with why shouldn't they spend it as a couple? Presumably you have plenty of other family to spend the day with so your day can still be all about family.
Bellyups · 06/10/2021 20:22

Just give her one Christmas to do what she wants with her partner. Jesus Hmm

MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 20:24

[quote JesusIsAnyNameFree]@MyPatronusIsACat

Where?[/quote]
In the original post!

The OP said

"This year she (her mum) has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all."

If that is not her mum saying she wants to spend Christmas alone with her partner, then I don't know what is!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 06/10/2021 20:29

@MyPatronusIsACat

Which I quoted. It can mean one of two things. She wants it to just be the two of them or she wants a break from hosting.

We are spending it just us. Not because we don't want to see family, but because we liked doing it in our time last year, which won't happen with family as they aren't as relaxed.
If by some miracle they decided they could deal with eating dinner at 9 pm after watching a film unrelated to christmas and not meeting up until 4 pm, that would be fine with us. However they won't, so we choose what's more important to us; the lack of stress.

CounsellorTroi · 06/10/2021 20:30

We used to host my in-laws every year. They lived 200 miles away and if we’d gone to them it would have meant my mum being alone - my sibling was abroad most of the time. So it was just easier for all our parents to come to us. Although I yearned to have Christmas just the two of us. Our parents have all died now, so that is what we have.

Bluntness100 · 06/10/2021 20:35

Um I’m sure she can make up the grandson time, wind your neck in she’s allowed to spend cmas as she wants,

MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 20:37

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Gonna have to agree to disagree. Smile

MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 20:38

[quote TheLeadbetterLife]@MyPatronusIsACat

Exactly. My partner and I are in our 30s and don’t have children. The last Christmas I spent with my family was in 2007. We’ve spent it with his parents a couple of times, which was okay, but the best Christmases have been when it’s just us. Which is most of them.

We take a fortnight off work, make loads of traditional Christmas food and just enjoy doing nothing. We’ll drop in on family during that time for an afternoon, or a dinner, or go to the pub. It’s peaceful and relaxing and indulgent - everything Christmas should be.[/quote]
Sounds fab! Grin

MyPatronusIsACat · 06/10/2021 20:39

@Saoirse82

Personally I'd be disappointed too. Christmas is all about family so I'd be upset if my parents decided to spend it on their own one year.

Another one! Confused

So weird, this whole new wave of younger people, being all sniffy and pissed off that their parents have the temerity to want to spend Christmas without them. It's used to be the parents who get arsey when the (adult) children want to do something else.

Why are these 20-something, 30-something, and even some 40-something ADULTS, stamping their feet and sulking because mum and dad want Christmas alone? They gave you all LOADS of Christmases, and worked hard and spent loads of money and time making you happy - probably for 20 or so Christmases, and now they want their own time to themselves to have fun together, and not be responsible for entertaining you (and in some cases,) your children.

I think in some cases, the people whingeing are pissed off because they don't get to palm their kids off onto grandparents, so they can have a good time themselves. Hmm

These middle aged, and older parents/grandparents have done their bit/earned their stripes. They are entitled to do what the F they want, without their bratty and immature offspring griping, and guilt-tripping them. Cut them some slack FGS, and stop being so selfish.