Irritated that my mum and partner are going for Christmas dinner alone ..

[Helloitsmepickle2016]

Context - we have always spent Christmas together , my mum , her partner , me my husband , my 4 year old , my sister , and my mums partners kids. My mum loves the hustle and bustle of it all and thinks the world of her grandson and has always loved being with us on Christmas Day.

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all.

Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?

No ones wishes trumps another person’s wishes, your mum is fully entitled to have Christmas day/dinner with whoever she wants, just like you.

I think not mentioning in the OP that her OH booked it without asking her was rather an oversight....but might she just be saying that as she feels for not seeing you and so is putting the blame on him? Was she supposed to be hosting this year? Maybe hosting is just too much for her now but she doesn't know how to get out of it without upsetting you?

It’s up to her. Enjoy a quiet one yourself, you may be converted!

*feels bad

@FuckingFlumps.

That would make sense!

Between me and my husband we have 5 adult children. They are all doing their own thing/spending Christmas Day with their partner's family this year. For the first time it will just be it will just be me and my husband. It will be a little strange but will also be nice!

Neither of us has said to them we are disappointed and we have arranged a family get together a few days later instead. I'm using this as an opportunity to get away from the turkey and cook something special and lovely for just the two of us!

Again, if you like a big family Xmas and your side isn’t up for it this year, can’t you do something with DH’s side??

Why does she have to miss out on grandson time? Can’t you make up for it on the other days around Christmas?

Last year we couldn’t see anyone because of covid and it was….
…wonderful!
No rush, no travel, no stress or pressure. For the first time in more then 10 years we spent the day in our own home.
We enjoyed it so much we are doing it again this year. I know that will go down like a sack of shit with wider family. But then they aren’t the ones in the car for hours. Stuck in traffic. Tired from travelling and arriving with armfuls of presents and food.

If it's out of character and she does normally love a busy Christmas, I'd be worried not irritated. What's happened that makes her feel like she needs a rest this year? Is she unwell?

It's been a very strange couple of years. I know quite a few people who are doing things a bit differently from past traditions, possibly due to what we've all been through.

They might change their minds nearer the time anyway. But, if not, perhaps you could arrange a meet up on Boxing Day instead, or a new years' party as an alternative for everyone to get together?

Whatever happens, I hope you have a nice time. x

You can't compel people to like things.

Could it be a Covid- related thing? Maybe either or both of them don’t fancy being with so many people in one house all day & risk catching it? Or perhaps they’ve gotten into that isolation/lockdown thing where lots of people are a bit overwhelming now?

I’m not saying that’s how I feel, but I’m sure there will be lots of older folk this Christmas thinking along these lines.

As @REP22 just said!

YABVU totally her choice

YABU, she's allowed to make her own decisions about what she does for Christmas.

It's been a weird couple of years for everyone, and some people are finding it hard to cope in big groups, or they've had time to reflect on doing things differently.

Last year there was a lot of 'Christmas is Cancelled' due to lockdowns and such, and it may be the same this year with the worries about shortages and COVID, but I think a lot of people actually enjoyed the break and the scaled down festivities.

The rest of you can still get together as a big group on the day. It may be that they just want or need a quieter time this year and will want the hustle and bustle again as other things calm down and get back to normal.

If this is a reverse, is there a link to the other thread :)

Sounds great. I don’t blame her. Family christmases are over rated and often stressful and disappointing.

Could it be that one of them has has some kind of medical news that might make them want to spend some quiet time together this Christmas?

I do like Christmas but it can be a drain as you get older, forcing yourself into other people's routines. There's always another one next year.

You are annoyed because your mum is going to miss out of the Christmas she loves because she has made alternative arrangements. Weird, weird, weird

Sounds to me like they’re tired of it all and want a rest. They are entitled to enjoy a quiet Christmas together without the hustle and bustle for once

She deserves a break. I would let her know that you appreciate her and love her but that you completely understand that she’s a grown woman who probably can’t remember her last Christmas by herself (avec partner). Give your blessing.

Do a family festive get together that isn’t Christmas either in the run up or afterwards. A day at the Christmas markets , a craft day or baking day?

Did you have that extended gathering last Christmas???

Lockdown has created a break from many traditions that seemed sacrosanct. Lots of things can now be seen to be done in different ways.
Maybe they want a chance for a romantic, adult, candlelit Christmas. No doubt you will see them on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve or something.