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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Irritated that my mum and partner are going for Christmas dinner alone ..

218 replies

Helloitsmepickle2016 · 06/10/2021 16:21

Context - we have always spent Christmas together , my mum , her partner , me my husband , my 4 year old , my sister , and my mums partners kids. My mum loves the hustle and bustle of it all and thinks the world of her grandson and has always loved being with us on Christmas Day.

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all.

Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?

OP posts:
WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 16:33

I thought this was going to be about your mum and your partner going off for Christmas alone together.

YABU

Flickeringgreenlight · 06/10/2021 16:36

Growing up, we have always had huge family christmases. DB and I often asked our parents if it could just be the 4 of us for a change. As a grown up, I certainly have enjoyed spending some christmases with just DH, equally enjoyed spending Christmas with the wider, smaller extended family. It varies, people lead different lives, some year might be busier than other ones, different pace. I don't think it's unusual to feel this way and whilst I completely understand where you are coming from, I wholeheartedly believe that YABVU for getting upset at the thought of your Mum spending Christmas with his partner. Would you have a chance to see them Christmas Eve or Boxing Day maybe as a compromise?

notacooldad · 06/10/2021 16:36

So much hype and expectations around Christmas day!!

Even this However, I struggle to see a grandmother not wanting to spend their Christmas with their grandchild
Theres usually plenty of other days over the Christmas period to catch up and spend time together.
The meal out sounds perfect to be honest.

MoonBabysM · 06/10/2021 16:36

Her idea of Christmas sounds like absolute heaven to me!!

toolazytothinkofausername · 06/10/2021 16:37

YABU. Your mum has given you plenty of notice to make other plans. You can always see her on boxing day instead.

Original poster
Helloitsmepickle2016 · 06/10/2021 16:37

@PurpleDaisies

How do you think this would go if this was a mum pissed off that her daughter was choosing to have a quiet family Christmas with just her household?

You are so out of order here.

I don’t think I’m being out of order or I would Have mentioned it to her , I haven’t as I would hate to upset her. I just wanted others opinions. She even said it was her partner who has booked it randomly , and she feels she is going to miss out on precious grandson time !
OP posts:
SpindleWhirl · 06/10/2021 16:37

They're not going for a 12 day long feast, though. You can see them on other days of Xmas.

I'd love to spend Xmas alone with DP. Sigh.

Holly60 · 06/10/2021 16:38

Could you spend Christmas with your DH’s family instead??

Sobeyondthehills · 06/10/2021 16:38

It depends on the family, my mum and sister are going abroad this year.

I tend to cook every Christmas for my family (DP and DS) and we try and do something at some point, but its difficult as most of us work shifts or retail

SpindleWhirl · 06/10/2021 16:38

Oh ok, so the drip feed is her controlling partner now?

DappyApple · 06/10/2021 16:40

Maybe she doesn’t love the hustle and bustle as much as you thought.

I imagine she’s been doing the whole family Christmas thing for years Not everyone finds a busy hectic family Christmas enjoyable. She is doing exactly as ‘she’ wants for a change.

She’s asked for a break so let her have one!

Notonthestairs · 06/10/2021 16:41

Does your partner not have any family to invite over for Christmas lunch?

It is nice sometimes to mix it up a bit.

FuckingFlumps · 06/10/2021 16:41

She even said it was her partner who has booked it randomly , and she feels she is going to miss out on precious grandson time !

It sounds like he's done a lovely thing for her and to be honest it's really not going to limit the time she sees her grandchild. There are still 364 other days of the year she can see him. She doesn't need to be there for every Christmas day, he might actually like having just you and his dad there for a change.

skatewanker · 06/10/2021 16:41

I agree with your DM. I think it's fine to want a quiet Christmas alone.

I hate the chaos and noise and work of big family christmases. Last year DH and I spent our first Christmas together and it was brilliant.

MintLampShade · 06/10/2021 16:42

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all.

You literally said this - so now that's not what she said? She doesn't want to go but her partner does? Then your post should read "Mum's partner is making her to spend Christmas alone rather than with the whole family."

Original poster
Helloitsmepickle2016 · 06/10/2021 16:43

Hmm thanks for the replies. Perhaps I am being unreasonable. I want her to have a lovely time , of course I do she’s my mum and I love her dearly.

OP posts:
SpindleWhirl · 06/10/2021 16:43

@MintLampShade

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all.

You literally said this - so now that's not what she said? She doesn't want to go but her partner does? Then your post should read "Mum's partner is making her to spend Christmas alone rather than with the whole family."

Yup.
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 06/10/2021 16:44

That’s what they would like to do this year, and it isn’t unreasonable at all.

It’s really perfectly fine to see them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day instead, or even the week before or the week after...Christmas is much more than just the one day.

QuestionEverythingBaby · 06/10/2021 16:45

My mum loves the hustle and bustle of it all and thinks the world of her grandson and has always loved being with us on Christmas Day.

Turns out she doesn't 😂

DappyApple · 06/10/2021 16:46

I’m confused, you said she wants a break but now she feels that she’s going to miss out because her partner booked it without prior discussion?

Which is it?

Original poster
Helloitsmepickle2016 · 06/10/2021 16:46

My post read :’they want a break’ but at the same time she feels she’s going to miss out on grandson time

OP posts:
FuckingFlumps · 06/10/2021 16:47

@DappyApple

I’m confused, you said she wants a break but now she feels that she’s going to miss out because her partner booked it without prior discussion?

Which is it?

I'd wager she only said about her partner booking it once the OP shared her disappointment.
Bounce55 · 06/10/2021 16:47

Good for her to say what she wants to do
Now that my lot are older I don't 'do' Christmas at all, no tree/cards etc and I have been known to chuck egg and chips at the H of which he's quite happy about as he's much of a miserable old bastard as I am when it comes to Festivities

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2021 16:48

She even said it was her partner who has booked it randomly , and she feels she is going to miss out on precious grandson time!

Perhaps she was (reasonably) worried about how you would react.

Bounce55 · 06/10/2021 16:48

@QuestionEverythingBaby

My mum loves the hustle and bustle of it all and thinks the world of her grandson and has always loved being with us on Christmas Day.

Turns out she doesn't 😂

Bahaha 🤭
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