Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I PAY FOR EVERYTHING!

208 replies

Brokeandtired3 · 15/09/2021 14:43

and I'm bloody sick of it. I'm a sahm dp works (has been in and out of employment) but majority of his income goes towards his debts and loans. We have a dc together and everything I have bought.

All of our furniture, decor, dcs toys, clothes. I lend him money when he is behind on his payments to stop people knocking on our door. I have no money! I'm on uc and trying to save for a depoist as he debt says up all his money and he cant save. Now and then he can put money towards our food shop or if I ask him to go half and half on something for dc he will if he can but for the most part it's not just his lack of money but the fact that he has no initiative to get anything!

He has not once bought dc clothes or toys in her whole entire life. It was down to him we would have nothing, I'm the one who gets things done and I'm bloody over it! We currently have to live with relatives because his debt means we are unable to afford rent. Aibu to of had enough of this. It's been going on for nearly 3 years but since dc has come along I've been feeling the weight of it more.

He has no responsibility when it comes to money and finances. His debt is from drugs (before we met). I'm not one to hold the past to someone but he is still demonstrating financial irresponsible ness by buying things he cant afford in the moment because he wants to. If we had rent to pay we would be screwed Angry

OP posts:
TinnedPotatoesRock · 15/09/2021 14:45

Throw this one back OP, it will only get worse

Glssr195726113493 · 15/09/2021 14:46

There is not future with this man child which would be a happy one.

It’s time to go it alone, you’re basically doing that anyway. In fact, it would easier.

Glssr195726113493 · 15/09/2021 14:46

No future*

Seesawmummadaw · 15/09/2021 14:47

Stop giving him money.
How are you affording everything, saving a deposit and paying his debt on UC? You can’t afford to help him.

Namechange1million · 15/09/2021 14:48

You sure he's not still spending? 3 years of no bills to pay off depts and he's still not debt free? You sure he's still not on drugs etc? I would get rid tbh. If you want to stick with him then maybe you should be in charge of his money so you know he's not still spending

malificent7 · 15/09/2021 14:49

Ltb

YouTubeAddict · 15/09/2021 14:50

Dump him. He’ll never change. I’m not normally one to say LTB on MN, however if you’re not matched financially it’ll never work. My ex husband was exactly like this and it was awful. He’s now still like it whereas my husband and I are just in the process of buying our second home, a 4 bed detached. This just wouldn’t have been a possibility with my ex.

1FootInTheRave · 15/09/2021 14:52

Get rid of the absolute loser.

Roseyleaf · 15/09/2021 14:56

You won't have a happy future with him. His values aren't the same as yours.

Rugsofhonour · 15/09/2021 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Original poster
Brokeandtired3 · 15/09/2021 15:02

@Seesawmummadaw I am able to afford it by never having any money for myself! All my uc goes towards dc and necessities. I have a couple of grand saved up for a depoist and that's what do constantly asks to borrow. Recently just bought dc a car seat and some kitchen furniture that dp had no money for but will go "halves with" when he has the money (havent I heard that one before). But found out dp was able to muster together a couple of hundred for something he wanted

OP posts:
Original poster
Brokeandtired3 · 15/09/2021 15:03

He uses me like the bank of bloody England!!!

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 15/09/2021 15:03

You don't need this waste of space in your life.

Stop paying for him, dump him and you will be a lot better off.

Original poster
Brokeandtired3 · 15/09/2021 15:04

Sorry very pissed of this all came to head recently and dps parents defended him and thought I was being worried about how he has no money when that is not the case at all. They know nothing of his debts

OP posts:
ShrimpBarbarian · 15/09/2021 15:05

@Brokeandtired3

He uses me like the bank of bloody England!!!
because you let him

what does he bring to the party?

simitra · 15/09/2021 15:06

Its bad enought to be in debt yourself. But when its your partner and they show no sign or reform or remorse time to throw them back in and let them drown.

Original poster
Brokeandtired3 · 15/09/2021 15:07

@ShrimpBarbarian a roof over me and dcs head

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 15/09/2021 15:07

Just say NO when he asks to borrow again.

NO NO NO!

pilates · 15/09/2021 15:08

Get rid, he is not bringing any happiness to your life. You would be much better off on your own.

sjags · 15/09/2021 15:08

[quote Brokeandtired3]@ShrimpBarbarian a roof over me and dcs head[/quote]
Thought you were living with relatives?

pilates · 15/09/2021 15:09

and tell his parents about the debt and how he got it

Original poster
Brokeandtired3 · 15/09/2021 15:09

@sjags well yes so technically it's not him however it's his parents so if I dump him I lose the house.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 15/09/2021 15:10

[quote Brokeandtired3]@ShrimpBarbarian a roof over me and dcs head[/quote]
Does he solely own the house mortgage free and pays all household bills?
Because if not then he isn’t providing a roof over your heads

BlueMoons90 · 15/09/2021 15:10

Would you have anywhere to stay if you left him?

Hoppinggreen · 15/09/2021 15:10

[quote Brokeandtired3]@sjags well yes so technically it's not him however it's his parents so if I dump him I lose the house.[/quote]
It’s not yours to lose then.