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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading autumn/winter a bit with fast-approaching one year old?

209 replies

CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:05

This is a struggle right now and will only get worse Sad

DS attends nursery full time right now and I pick him up at 4. I find it really stressful between about 4 and 6 as DP is still working (from home, so loud phone calls and Teams meetings.) DS has decided recently he doesn’t like his pram and so I can’t take him for a walk and I definitely can’t do that in the dark of an October / November evening. Then we go to bed at 8.

It feels a bit miserable and monotonous, spending all day at work to wait to come home and then nothing to come home for. I’m seriously considering if I should leave him in nursery until it closes (530.)

OP posts:
Keeva2017 · 15/09/2021 07:14

I work full time and I always felt a bit guilty for not loving that time between pick up and bedtime - I felt like a bad mum.

But I changed the way I thought about it and rather than counting down to bed, I remembered that it really is precious time after not being with the kids all day and was my chance to make them laugh and cuddle me and doing nice things.

Make a list, set a schedule. We have story time, we have dancing to YouTube videos time, we have mummy is a tickle monster! Sometimes we go to soft play or go round a shop (for me like Asda or b@m) and we talk about what we see and they get a treat at the end.

I just realised I was seeing my kids as a chore and that made me sad. Now I love how excited they are too see me because they know we are will have fun.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:35

But it isn’t fun sat in a room … that’s my problem. I would far rather have him with me, I just don’t really know how to fill those hours.

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 15/09/2021 07:39

Is your Dh working in the main room of the house?

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:40

One of them, yeah. I don’t know why but I’ve always hated it, it really is like living in an office.

OP posts:
KingdomScrolls · 15/09/2021 07:43

Just do all of the things you would on any other day, you've got 4 hours between pick up and bedtime, you can play with toys, read books, sing songs, do some painting/drawing, of they are particularly worn out watch a film, get them to help make dinner (DS mainly just eats the veg but he lives being in the kitchen), do some baking, is it's cold but not torrential rain, wrap up and go to the park before coming home.

arcof · 15/09/2021 07:43

Why don't you play with him?
Baby will be happy just to be with you, don't leave him at nursery.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:46

Yeah I do thanks but he gets very restless, tired and crabby at that time. I’m not sure he is happy just to be with me Grin

I did take him to the supermarket yesterday but he fell asleep on the way. That’s fine if it’s before about 530 but any time after that will interfere with bedtime.

On any other day so when I was on maternity leave I had to be out as much as possible so that’s what has changed. He’s not old enough to help make dinner or bake, he’s only 9 months.

OP posts:
LuchiMangsho · 15/09/2021 07:46

Two tips.
Don’t feel like you need to fill the time. Lie on the floor. Let him climb over you. He’ll probably be walking soon. When they first start walking a 5 min walk in the dark is endlessly fascinating for them.
Read to him. Just get down to his level and ‘hang out.’ You don’t need to plan special activities.

(The alternative is to plan stuff but I found that way more stressful). You say you have nothing to come home for? Can you elaborate on what you mean? As far as kids are concerned, your presence is enough. You don’t need to entertain him.

If it wasn’t autumn/winter other than going to the park what else would you have done with him? (I find going to the park quite dull!)

On a different note the monotony of the evening is the same with older kids. My kids go to the after school club. Back home at 4. Homework. Music practice. Playing. Reading. Dinner. Stories. Bath. Bed.

LuchiMangsho · 15/09/2021 07:46

And yes they get crabby. Mine still get crabby. And they are 9 and 4. There’s a reason we call it the witching hour in this house.

northstars · 15/09/2021 07:47

I feel quite sad for your baby reading this! There’s no reason you can’t go out for walks even if it’s cold, my sons loved walking along the road and seeing the cars and headlights. You could go to the shops, the library.. as PP said, it helps to plan something to do each evening

WhoKnewYou · 15/09/2021 07:47

What do you normally do in those hours? My DS at that age was going to bed around 6.30 (still does at nearly 2). The time I'd get in from work is then tea time, bath, play. Sometimes we walk round the block (he is walking) and then milk, stories and bed. The time would speed by but I understand you have a bit longer until bedtime. Could you pop to a friend or family for 30 mins from pick up. Or go for a coffee and some books for him. Just so it breaks it up. I understand the loneliness aspect in those hours. My son's father was both physically absent but also mentally if he was around. It can be draining.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:48

Problem is it is a witching four hours! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:49

When I was on maternity leave DP finished around 5 and so I could get in a bit earlier. And ds was younger then so you could always keep him quiet and happy with a quick pram stroll.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:49

I can go out for walks but my baby isn’t enjoying them any more. He cries and gets frustrated.

I feel sorry for my baby too. That is why I am posting.

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 15/09/2021 07:51

I had a commute between finishing work and collecting DD and I really needed the time. I do know it is a luxery but I felt better after having that 30 minute break to decompress and then having DD was not a chore but fun. So I think collecting him a bit later maybe a good way to help you getting in a different mindset.

We did mainly quite activities at home, reading books, watching a bit of YouTube or TV, maybe a toddler puzzle or game if she wasn't too tired. Our local library was open so we may dropped in, short stint to the shop and maybe a coffee and babychino once in a while.

Also, DD "helped" cooking, she played with the tupperware in the kitchen drawers while I did the washing or emptied the dishwasher. They don't need entertainment all the time.

northstars · 15/09/2021 07:52

How old is your baby, OP? Can he walk?

RAFHercules · 15/09/2021 07:54

It sounds like the poor thing is knackered by the time he comes home.do nursery let him nap? Do you need to put him to bed earlier?

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:55

He can’t walk no, he can crawl a bit and is desperately trying to stand but can only do so with support Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:57

Yes he naps at nursery. I do try my best to get another nap in but sometimes we can’t manage it. I’m trying my hardest, can we knock it on the head with the poor thing comments?

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 15/09/2021 07:58

8pm seems quite late for bedtime unless he's having long naps during the day? My DD naps well at home but is only having short naps at nursery so I put her to bed earlier on nursery days.

It sounds as if your DP's work is disturbing you and preventing you from relaxing and enjoying time with baby at home - is there another room in the house he could work in, which would give him more privacy and allow you to use the rest of the house?

MotherOfCrocodiles · 15/09/2021 07:58

I think it is too early to give up on walks, my 4yo still likes a pram walk! Can you make it more interesting by going somewhere with people to look at (town centre/shops); giving finger food in pram (we used to do melty puffs but I'm sure there are healthy options!); giving a toy to fiddle with (in the dark a torch is good!)

I think pp are ignoring the fact that you are unable to relax with your baby at home as DH is working in the dining room. That is tricky. You shouldn't have to be wandering the streets every night so ideally you need to sort a different space for either play (DS bedroom) or work (spare room?)

I also think it would be ok to leave him in nursery later some of the time. Do you have jobs and appointments you need to do that could be done in those 1.5h and free up weekends etc

CheekyAFAIK · 15/09/2021 07:58

Don't give up on the pram. Get some fairy lights to put over it and go for a dark walk. Same fairy lights poked through holes in a cardboard box to make a magic den. Stick fabric over for a curtain and he'll love going in and put, peepo etc. Or a disco light and put some music on. Have a bath with DS.

When you make dinner, let him play with food or kitchen stuff in a high chair where he can see you. DD used to love playing with veg peelings.

Really I think your problem is not ideas of what to do but resentment that DH gets to dominate the home while you do the domestic stuff. Can dh finish work any earlier? Or finish early and pick up DS one day a week? Or at least use headphones to reduce noise when you're home? I'd also put ds down to sleep a bit earlier so you have more of an evening.

BlueberrySugar · 15/09/2021 07:59

I don't think PP By calling your baby 'poor thing' meant any harm. It's just a term used. I get you're a bit sensitive.

Just do some fun things like painting, reading, just have a play, sing song. Sensory play.

Fernando072020 · 15/09/2021 07:59

Hi op, I have a 14 month old and I'm staying at home another year. I'd go stir crazy in the house all day (my little one needs to be out once a day, but mostly twice a day, or else he whinges). We've bought waterproof trousers, a good raincoat and wellies for when it's raining to just get out and about regardless of weather.
Could you buy a carrier? We still carry DS about in a carrier some times, he loves it as he's close to us but can still be outside, seeing things and getting fresh air. We went through a stage of DS hating the buggy (from around 6 months to 10 months) but now he loves it again. In this phase we just used the carrier.

You could always head out for a walk at 4/5, go to the park, sit him in the swings. Then the two hours between bed is dinner, bath, playtime, story etc anyway.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 08:00

The pram is only going to be a thing for the next month or so though. I can’t really walk on the pitch black and lashing rain with him!

OP posts:
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