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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading autumn/winter a bit with fast-approaching one year old?

209 replies

CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:05

This is a struggle right now and will only get worse Sad

DS attends nursery full time right now and I pick him up at 4. I find it really stressful between about 4 and 6 as DP is still working (from home, so loud phone calls and Teams meetings.) DS has decided recently he doesn’t like his pram and so I can’t take him for a walk and I definitely can’t do that in the dark of an October / November evening. Then we go to bed at 8.

It feels a bit miserable and monotonous, spending all day at work to wait to come home and then nothing to come home for. I’m seriously considering if I should leave him in nursery until it closes (530.)

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:03

No, I didn’t say he did. It is variable but recently has been 6-630. Thank you.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:04

Why is the only thing to do a walk? Do other activities and do a walk a few times a week but not every day?

Marni83 · 15/09/2021 16:04

What time do you get back?

Chances are he’s winding down in last half hour or so.

Have you spoke. With him? Sorry if missed that

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:09

Well yes OK Jason but what activities? That is precisely what I’m asking! Smile

OP posts:
mumofbun · 15/09/2021 16:13

Hi @CarrotParsnips Just wanted to give you some solidarity - i've just flicked through mainly your posts and can see you're having a hard time.

I just wanted you to know that i found that age (9 months) so hard. It was so hard to entertain a baby who wanted to do everything himself but couldn't do anything! Soon he will be crawling/walking and running rings round you and more than happy to go off and do his own thing.

I work 4 days and pick my son up at about half 5 from nursery - does your baby get dinner there? Do you have the option to drop a day and work a bit later for 4 days and then he will be fed and it won't be such a slog until bed time.

In general what we do after pick up is potentially go for a walk but not always. Give him a big cup of milk and let him watch tv for 15 mins or so, bath if its bath day or otherwise play with toys and books. Does your baby have their own room? could you go up there to play for a bit?

I know it's hard but try not to focus too much on what the future will be like with the baby you have now - you know yourself how quickly they change and by the time the nights draw in, everything will be different!

Also for what its worth - i had to make my husband move out of the living room when he was wfh and i was on maternity!

mumofbun · 15/09/2021 16:15

Do you have one of those paint mat things that just use water? i get that out sometimes when i'm a bit lost at what to do!

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:15

Oh sorry! Ok so just general play with toys on the floor, I bought puppets which were quite fun.
We watched one episode of the baby club each day.
Some kind of sensory thing. Buy a black or dark pop up tent and get some light up balls and funny texture stuff and sit in the tent and look at the reflections of the light on the tent.
Visit family/friends?
Go to the park on way home from nursery

Tbh I find my son goes through phases of not liking something so I'm sure yours will start looking the pram again soon
I think I maybe offered one or two milky buttons when going in the pram so he then saw it as a good thing. Although I'm sure I'll get ripped for suggesting that!

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:16

Oh I put blobs of paint on paper and put it in a zip lock/tightly sealed bag so he could squish the paint but doesn't actually touch it iyswim?

Marni83 · 15/09/2021 16:17

@CarrotParsnips

Well yes OK Jason but what activities? That is precisely what I’m asking! Smile
Surely you do activities at the weekend with him and know what he enjoys doing?
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:19

I try to get out at weekends.

What are you getting out of this Marni?

Thanks for those suggestions. There are some really good ideas.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:21

Also I think it is reasonable to leave him some days at nursery if you want to. There isn't anything wrong with that but we see our babies so little as it is and it really does fly in. But when things are a struggle sometimes you need to focus on yourself first to then have your babies reap the rewards of it.

Fullyhuman · 15/09/2021 16:21

I’d do saucepans and wooden spoon banging, baby tv/CBeebies, sing and sign videos etc. And if my ‘partner’ objected I’d shrug.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:22

It’s not about him objecting, but how relaxed would you feel playing with saucepans with a baby in the middle of an office with people working?

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 16:30

@CarrotParsnips

It’s not about him objecting, but how relaxed would you feel playing with saucepans with a baby in the middle of an office with people working?
But it's not an office. It's your home. If that's not a suitable work environment then he needs to deal with that.

I WFH and wouldn't dream of preventing my kids from playing or my DH from relaxing.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:34

No I know and he doesn’t. Just the same it is an office first and a home second until DP finishes. And that does restrict what we do.

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 16:37

@CarrotParsnips

No I know and he doesn’t. Just the same it is an office first and a home second until DP finishes. And that does restrict what we do.
Change that mindset and your whole life will get easier.....

Seriously. It's not an office. It's your home which your DH is choosing to work from. It's clearly not working so time to address that.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:39

But it is the way things are.

There is a thread at the moment about WFH. A lot of people just can’t understand why it is a problem for the other people in the house. Many others (like me) are driven half demented by it.

Neither is necessarily wrong but if ‘wfh isn’t a problem’ lives with ‘yes it is’ it’s difficult. Ideally there would be a compromise but that won’t happen so I am just trying to make the best of it.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:41

I agree I think something has to change with the home working set up.
Is there a possibility of getting a good quality shed, get electrics put in and have DH work in there?
Is there no going back to the office on the horizon for him?
It sounds like it's you having to do all the "making it work" whilst your husband stays happily ignorant.
I had undiagnosed PND and it was hell, I was miserable and did struggle to do things. I really feel for you.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:42

Can your husband just stop working at 5pm like he did when you were on maternity?
He needs to be compromising somewhere too.

Snowpaw · 15/09/2021 16:43

I love a dark walk to be honest in winter - pumpkins to look at then Christmas lights in people’s gardens etc. Lots to talk about to them.

Nightlights that project onto the ceiling are good for dark evenings at home. Long baths with loads of toys / sponges etc to play with. Reading, toys, singing etc.

8 does seem quite a late bedtime at that age. Move it to 7? your partner should also accommodate that there is a child in the house when you get home - it’s on him to take his work into a smaller room / different space so you don’t have to be creeping around.

Fullyhuman · 15/09/2021 16:43

I’d want to make it primarily my baby’s home.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 16:44

If I move it to 7 I’ll be up half the night.

The home situation won’t change.

OP posts:
8dpwoah · 15/09/2021 16:54

I know what you mean about filling time, I found 6-12 months really hard to know what to do with DD when she couldn't really do a lot.

In your situation you're getting towards an age where they can start doing a bit more which is when it got easier for me- practicing walking, starting words, being able to play under their own steam for a little bit, they're all coming up for you over the winter so it will likely get better as the weeks go on.

I do use a nice snack/meal (if bedtime is 8pm do you eat together?) And I'll string bath out a bit longer and/or go up earlier and do an extra story before bed on days when things are getting a bit tricky. Bedtime might get earlier anyway as his nap schedule changes, it got easier when we went to one nap a day. I also maybe would leave him there til 4.30 as half an hour is very little difference for him but shaves off 30ins of you both having to tiptoe round your DH.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 15/09/2021 16:55

I just want to ask and please just ignore if you don't want to answer...but do you feel your husband is controlling?
Do you feel he could do more to accommodate you and the baby more?

Do you have family and friends as a support network?

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 17:02

Inconsiderate rather than controlling. No family. Thanks @8dpwoah

OP posts:
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