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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading autumn/winter a bit with fast-approaching one year old?

209 replies

CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 07:05

This is a struggle right now and will only get worse Sad

DS attends nursery full time right now and I pick him up at 4. I find it really stressful between about 4 and 6 as DP is still working (from home, so loud phone calls and Teams meetings.) DS has decided recently he doesn’t like his pram and so I can’t take him for a walk and I definitely can’t do that in the dark of an October / November evening. Then we go to bed at 8.

It feels a bit miserable and monotonous, spending all day at work to wait to come home and then nothing to come home for. I’m seriously considering if I should leave him in nursery until it closes (530.)

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:05

I can still only work with what I can work with. I don’t think he is a bad person at all but he can be inconsiderate (as can I,I am sure) but this particular problem is insolvable.

OP posts:
pompomsgalore · 15/09/2021 19:08

Anyway actual ideas of what to you do in your current situation:

Bedroom:
peek a boo
Stories and songs
Investigate the drawers/ jewellery/make up bag/ sock drawer
Tickle monster on the bed
Instruments upstairs away from Husband
Noisy toys: stuff that needs batteries
Build and bash down towers of cups and blocks

Bathroom:
Messy play in the bath: bath crayons, foam, bath toys, shower for a change, bath together, stack and knock down toilet roll towers.

Stairs/ landing
climb the stairs: pre walkers love this with you helping and keeping them safe.
Peek a boo through the spindles
Talking cuddly toys through the spindles
Use spindles to practise standing up

Living room:
stories and rhymes
Soft toys
Walkers and push a long toys
Puppets talking
Bash a balloon about
Magnet toys
Put toys up on sofa so they have to send up to play with them.

Kitchen: making food: let them have a couple of packets, carrots and potatoes to play with and random kitchen implements. Put a rig or blanket down to be quieter.
Shallow water play in an oven tray
Buy a tuff tray if you have space
Edible sand: blitzed Cheerios
Edible playdough: google it.

Garden:
chalk
Water play
Kicking a soft ball
Climbing frame and slide and swing

Mangofandangoo · 15/09/2021 19:08

What about a long bath OP? My dd would spend ages splashing about in the evenings - perhaps trial an earlier bedtime and see what happens, no pressure to change if it doesn't work.

Don't beat yourself up, parenting can be boring at times Smile

SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 19:09

@CarrotParsnips

I can still only work with what I can work with. I don’t think he is a bad person at all but he can be inconsiderate (as can I,I am sure) but this particular problem is insolvable.
You're clearly not inconsiderate. You're the opposite.
pompomsgalore · 15/09/2021 19:09

@pompomsgalore

So glad f it isn't an issue for him surely you can use the space as you wish. That will allow you to cook and play.
God that made no sense sorry!

What I meant was if he doesn't have an issue with the shared space why have you? Or is he telling you to keep the noise down and that it's your responsibility to keep a quiet work space for him. (You obviously don't have to answer that).

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:09

Thanks. No garden or stairs but some great ideas.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:10

I have the same issue with it as I’m sure DP would if I wanted him to relax and chill in my classroom Smile

OP posts:
husbandcallsmepickle · 15/09/2021 19:11

@Hhhh3345566

Don’t take this personally but do you feel excited to see your baby when you go to pick them up or enjoy spending any time with them? As you said you have nothing to come home for. Only reason I ask is because you sound really down wondered if you could have PND? I’m not judging you I’ve also had it myself x
This is what I was thinking too.
pompomsgalore · 15/09/2021 19:12

@CarrotParsnips

Thanks. No garden or stairs but some great ideas.
Ok but how about chalk on a board or black paper or card. When they are a bit older a cheap whiteboard and pens will be a hit.

You could make a climbing set up with all the cushions from the sofa etc. Takes two minutes but I bet they'd love romping about on that.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:12

Yes I’ve already said I have PND. I do love my baby, though …

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 19:13

@CarrotParsnips

I have the same issue with it as I’m sure DP would if I wanted him to relax and chill in my classroom Smile
You don't live in your classroom. It's not comparable
pompomsgalore · 15/09/2021 19:14

Things get easier as this age is bloody hard going and can be lonely and monotonous.

Do you know any other mums with children a similar age.

Are you a creative person? What sort of things do you like doing?

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:16

That is why I’m not comparing it. I’m explaining why it is not very stressful living in somebody else’s workplace.

I’ve got some great ideas to be getting on with. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:16

*why it IS very stressful …

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 19:18

But you aren't living in someone's work space!!! He's working in your living space!!

Caspianberg · 15/09/2021 19:19

Dh works until 6 at home here too, Ds is 1 year, bedtime also 8pm ish here.

4-6pm at 9 months I used to take Ds in sling for a walk around for 30-45 mins. Either locally in park or to pop to shops for milk etc.
At home read books, play toys, take Ds to his room for change of scenery and play in there a bit. Now he’s walking I use sling or trike for walk, and we potter around folding laundry, tidying up, etc.
Sometimes pop to neighbours

6-7pm is dinner/ clean up

7-8pm play with toys with dh or I, bath, stories bed.

RaspberryThief · 15/09/2021 19:20

You obviously don't have to answer, but does your DP actually have a problem with it if you simply get on with having a normal time with your baby in the house? You haven't actually mentioned any complaints from him. Is it him who is the direct problem, or is it more that you find it difficult to relax with him working so close by? (Totally understandable if so, but a slightly different issue.) What does he think you should do? Is he encouraging you to leave DC in childcare, or does he think you should be able to be at home (with him working in his current set-up)?

SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 19:21

You sound very lovely and in a stressful situation.
Your husband should be helping you find a compromise. I'm angry on your behalf.

Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:21

Skinny, maybe just accept what I am saying.

I am living in what is, during the day, a workspace. I don’t like it.

It won’t change and I have done my best to adapt. But I will not be told I am wrong, because I am not.

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 15/09/2021 19:26

@CarrotParsnips

Skinny, maybe just accept what I am saying.

I am living in what is, during the day, a workspace. I don’t like it.

It won’t change and I have done my best to adapt. But I will not be told I am wrong, because I am not.

As I've said, you sound lovely. From an outside perspective and based on what you've said it seems that your husband is the issue. However, if he is unwilling to change then you might find extra time in childcare is a solution at least a couple of days a week, especially as your child gets more active and starts to walk/talk.
Original poster
CarrotParsnips · 15/09/2021 19:26

No he doesn’t have a problem with it. But it is very restrictive and also very lonely when someone is there all the time yet permanently unavailable.

OP posts:
careerchangeperhaps · 15/09/2021 19:36

I think you'll find that as he gets closer to one and is probably starting to drop nap times then bed at 6-6:30 will be do-able.
With my DC at that age, I came home from work between 4-4:30 and gave them their tea. We then had a little play for half an hour or so and then it was upstairs for a bath (they enjoyed bath time so we had up to 30 mins playing in the bath rather than just a quick dunk, depending on how tired they were etc.).
Then out of bath and into PJs, followed by milk and stories with Daddy while I tidied bathroom, got the next day's clothes ready, started the dinner etc.
Babies were in bed just after 6 so DH and I could enjoy dinner and an evening together.
They woke between 6-6:30 to start the day which suited us fine.

Mymapuddlington · 15/09/2021 19:40

4 years old and autumn winter is the best!
Nature hunts for sticks and leaves, jumping in puddles, making up stories, home for hot chocolate, snuggles and books.

Tell partner he has to keep it down or move his ‘office’ to the corner of the bedroom or something if it’s in the main living bit.

Mymapuddlington · 15/09/2021 19:42

Ignore me, clearly can’t tell the difference between the time and a child’s age, sorry!

Mymapuddlington · 15/09/2021 19:49

Ok having actually read the thread Blush
Your partner needs to do more to help you and your son.

Why can’t his office be in the corner of the bedroom? Garage? Somewhere else?

You and ds need to be able to come home and play, watch a film, do whatever without disturbing him or him disturbing you.

As for activities - tuff tray, messy play, small world play.
Spend 5 minutes setting up an activity (play doh, cookie cutters etc) on the tray so when he gets home from nursery it seems something new and exciting to do. Loads and loads of small world and tough tray ideas you can do.