Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give colleague a lift?

225 replies

Thecoolgirlsatschool · 10/09/2021 15:16

I have a non driving colleague, and to get to work it involves a complex journey with multiple bus changes. So to get to work on time she’s been getting a taxi, which is expensive.

So I’ve been giving her a lift. But the problem is I’m a bit worried it’s starting to become an expected norm (WhatsApp messages asking what time I’ll be there) rather than a favour.

I’m wondering whether to just knock them on the head or if that’s a bit churlish.

It isn’t miles out of my way but it is out of my way and it is stressful enough getting myself out on time!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 10/09/2021 15:21

Start saying no

HollowTalk · 10/09/2021 15:25

I would hate to be expected to give her a lift. I like that time on my own in the car.

If you don't mind her company, what about her paying for a taxi to and from your house? Who started working there first? How much will she be spending a day on taxis? I wouldn't have got a job if I had to pay a taxi to get there and back.

VickyEadieofThigh · 10/09/2021 15:25

I gave a friend who started working at my school a lift (it was out of my way but she was a friend, didn't drive and it would've been 2 ridiculous buses for her).

Fine at first, but then she started taking the piss - not ready when I arrived, kept me waiting when I wanted to go home and on a regular basis. Luckily, I got another job and moved at the end of that year and she then learnt to drive.

Put a stop to it now - it's not your responsibility to get her to and from work.

SnarkyBag · 10/09/2021 15:29

Either stop it altogether or say “I’ll be leaving at 8am if you can get to mine by 7.55 you’re welcome to a lift”

I’d probably stop it all together this sort of thing tends to become something you resent doing over time or somehow makes your life that bit more inconvenient

user1471538283 · 10/09/2021 15:30

Just knock it on the head now. Twice I've had acquaintances ask for lifts which involve multiple drop offs etc for over a hour. It never happened again.

It is your colleagues problem about getting to work.

KaycePollard · 10/09/2021 15:34

I'm a non-driver, and I always ensure I can be completely responsible for getting myself where I need to go. I try to live near my workplace, or within decent public transport.

You are fine to say 'No' or that it isn't convenient.

takehomepay · 10/09/2021 15:37

What a CF twat.

I wouldn’t even let her come to mine for a lift.

Just say no!!

Do update us Smile

Original poster
Thecoolgirlsatschool · 10/09/2021 15:40

Well to be fair I offered once to be nice but now she has just assumed that I’m taking her which is awkward!

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 10/09/2021 15:41

No good deed goes unpunished.

I'd start saying no. I did this with a colleague and it ended up being a nightmare

Iloveacurry · 10/09/2021 15:44

I don’t understand why anyone would take a job in these circumstances unless you’re willing to get the bus, or learn to drive.

AColdDuncanGoodhew · 10/09/2021 15:44

I had a work colleague like this, I took her home once as she'd missed the train and then she just expected it after that. I eventually just said "bye, see you tomorrow!" and leaving. It was horribly awkward but we had completely different views and opinions on almost everything and the travel time was just tense.

Noshowlomo · 10/09/2021 15:49

YANBU.. knock it on the head. It's not fair.
YEARS ago someone wanted a lift to and from work, he lived in the opposite direction of our work, so he would walk about 2 miles to the bus stop for me to pick him up and he resented that, but I wasn't his taxi. I also started doing stuff after work so couldn't take him home and it fizzled out then.. maybe start doing stuff as well.. she can't just expect lifts to and from work!

Aprilx · 10/09/2021 15:50

@Thecoolgirlsatschool

Well to be fair I offered once to be nice but now she has just assumed that I’m taking her which is awkward!
Was thre a particular reason you offered once, e.g. an early start one day? Otherwise it is a bit strange to offer once and she maybe thought you were offering a permanent arrangement.
MadeOfStarStuff · 10/09/2021 15:51

YANBU I don’t drive so I make sure I live and work in places I can get to by public transport.

She can either put up with the multiple buses or pay for taxis, it’s not like she doesn’t have options. She presumably knew this would be an issue when she took the job (or moved if she used to live closer)

GoodnightGrandma · 10/09/2021 15:52

No, if she wants a lift she has to be at your house on time.
I personally like that time on my own.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/09/2021 15:54

Stop this in it's tracks now or it will spiral completely out of control. What a cheeky fucker she is. Giving rides to coworkers almost always ends badly.

Thethreecs · 10/09/2021 15:55

You need to be clear with her that it's not something you wish to continue doing.

I remember back in my late teens and a manager offered me a lift a few times home, I accepted and then he'd say that he would be passing my house certain days in the morning and could collect me. Then suddenly one afternoon at lunch in the canteen one of the security guys made a sly joke about me waiting on corners for him and other things. I nearly died, I was so embarrassed, the bus went right by the job and I never assumed he'd give me lifts but he'd obviously said something. I just wish he never offered. Since then I never accept lifts without paying toward petrol, tbh I can't even remember the last time I got a lift. I always make an excuse when they're offered as I'd be mortified putting people out.

takehomepay · 10/09/2021 15:55

Otherwise it is a bit strange to offer once and she maybe thought you were offering a permanent arrangement.

It’s not strange at all. It’s rude to assume a one off offer is a recurring arrangement.

CovidDoesNotExistDuh · 10/09/2021 15:56

I've had similar and said "I don't want to car share, that's my time alone and I like it. However, in very bad weather I'll absolutely take you home". And I did in snow or torrential rain.

Aprilx · 10/09/2021 16:03

@takehomepay

Otherwise it is a bit strange to offer once and she maybe thought you were offering a permanent arrangement.

It’s not strange at all. It’s rude to assume a one off offer is a recurring arrangement.

I am still interested to know why OP suggested picking up the person once though? Sorry, but I think it is weird, unless they happen to drive past them, or there was an early morning event or something. Otherwise I cannot imagine why I would say to my colleague “hey I’m picking you up tomorrow morning”. I was interested the context as it might help to come up with a way to correct the situation.
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 10/09/2021 16:06

I’m with kayce

If someone is going my way then I gratefully accept but never expect. I’ve never hinted or asked - it has always been offered. (Very rare)

I don’t expect people to come in early for me so that I can catch public transport without rushing for it. I would rather get to work an hour early instead of putting someone out or being close to the bone time wise.

It wasn’t my choice to move to a distant location (work decided that) but it is my responsibility to get to work on time.

That responsibility doesn’t lie with anyone else.

Original poster
Thecoolgirlsatschool · 10/09/2021 16:06

Why is is strange to offer someone a lift once?

Problem with ‘get to mine’ is it’s a) harder to get to mine than work and even if it wasn’t b) it still means I have to be up and ready by a particular time.

OP posts:
lils088 · 10/09/2021 16:07

Say no. I personally love being on my own in the car before& after work, I find it relaxing 🤣. Would hate having to chat 😂

Original poster
Thecoolgirlsatschool · 10/09/2021 16:07

Well that would be weird April but it’s not what happened so …

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 10/09/2021 16:08

Hi my morning routine has changed so unfortunately I won't be able to give you lifts for the foreseeable.Just giving you the heads up and I'll see you at work.

Swipe left for the next trending thread