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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitation

224 replies

AnnieMay55 · 06/09/2021 15:43

We have been sent an invitation to our niece's wedding for myself, husband and two adult children mid to late thirties. Our children have lived independently for 15+ years. Eldest who is single, was quite offended by this, saying it looks like mum dad and two kids. Youngest has lived with partner for two years, will be 3 by the wedding but partner not invited to cousins wedding. What I find most annoying is the fact I received the invitation so emailed and politely said it would be best to send them their own invitation as I didn't want an awkward conversation saying they were invited but not partner. I thought I'd put it clearly but I just received a reply saying they could both come in the evening. This wedding is over 5 hours away at a chosen scenic location involving one night's accommodation for the evening but two nights if going to the whole thing. I just found this a joke and quite rude expecting someone to go just to the evening this far away. I didn't reply as I'd told them to do their own invitation. Our child has not heard anything , in more than a month since.

OP posts:
Sneesher · 06/09/2021 15:46

Non issue. You're being extremely awkward.

RedHelenB · 06/09/2021 15:47

So you husband and 2 children were invited for the whole day and the kids partners for the evening? If so yabu, nothing wrong with that.

gobbynorthernbird · 06/09/2021 15:47

They don't expect anyone to go for the evening. In fact, they didn't want the partner to come at all but you have been horrendously rude and fished for an invite for the partner.

Honeymare · 06/09/2021 15:48

The only rude person here is you.

Zarene · 06/09/2021 15:49

What they said! OP you're the problem relative here.

kirstyr3892 · 06/09/2021 15:50

No issue here 🤷🏼‍♀️

You, your DH and two DD's go to the wedding through the day. Youngest daughter's DP chills out in the hotel room and meets you later at the evening reception.

MySixEggs · 06/09/2021 15:50

Bit weird they sent invites to adults via their parents. But that's their prerogative, you can't really demand how invites are sent.

Knittingupastorm · 06/09/2021 15:51

I just found this a joke and quite rude expecting someone to go just to the evening this far away.

But they aren’t expecting it. They’re offering it as a way to placate you.

MordredsOrrery · 06/09/2021 15:51

This is probably one of those invitations that your niece's parents have asked she make to avoid awkwardness in the family by including everyone, whether or not she actually wants the invitees there.

I think YABU though - respond saying who will or won't be attending based on the invite and leave it at that.

Letthelightoflove · 06/09/2021 15:51

If your children don’t want to go just respond and accept on behalf of you and Dh, decline on behalf of your kids. It really doesn’t need to be a drama.

Original poster
AnnieMay55 · 06/09/2021 15:51

Is it not odd to send one invitation , when offspring are heading towards 40 and haven't lived at home for many years and not local to us either. I would think a live in serious partner when you are mid thirties for a fairly close relative would have been more normal especially when there is so much travel ( also by train as non driver) and accomodation to pay for.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 06/09/2021 15:52

You could have just replied to say who was going and who was not. Why mention any awkwardness? The partner isn't invited, end of. If your dc is offended by not having their partner invited then they can decline. Sending an invitation is not an expectation that a person will attend, by the way.

Hopdathelf · 06/09/2021 15:52

You’re being incredibly rude here.

Shamoo · 06/09/2021 15:52

I see zero issue with their proposal at all OP. Or doing it all on one invite. Is this a reverse?

user1477249785 · 06/09/2021 15:53

I think you are looking to be offended. Please don't create complications for the couple who are probably stressed about wedding planning and trying to do their best.

Knittingupastorm · 06/09/2021 15:54

@AnnieMay55

Is it not odd to send one invitation , when offspring are heading towards 40 and haven't lived at home for many years and not local to us either. I would think a live in serious partner when you are mid thirties for a fairly close relative would have been more normal especially when there is so much travel ( also by train as non driver) and accomodation to pay for.
I personally do find this part odd, but I know some people consider it fine. But I only find it odd, not rude, and certainly not a big enough problem to make an issue out of it with them.
Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2021 15:54

You shouldn't have asked if your daughter's partner could go, very rude, but it's absurd that your adult children weren't sent their own invitations. To add their names on to yours was really inappropriate. You do that for underage children who live at home, not adults with homes of their own.

MerryHellbreakingloose · 06/09/2021 15:55

No, I see where you're coming from.

Notaroadrunner · 06/09/2021 15:56

@AnnieMay55

Is it not odd to send one invitation , when offspring are heading towards 40 and haven't lived at home for many years and not local to us either. I would think a live in serious partner when you are mid thirties for a fairly close relative would have been more normal especially when there is so much travel ( also by train as non driver) and accomodation to pay for.
I gather they assume you are on speaking terms with your children and figured you could tell them about the invite. Maybe they cannot afford to have all the cousins partners attend. Be thankful cousins are even invited. We hardly invited any of ours as we don't see them often. We wouldn't have known half their partners so wouldn't have wanted to waste a place on them over a friend.
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 06/09/2021 15:57

They’ve invited their aunt/uncle and two cousins. Perfectly fine. They don’t have to invite the cousins spouses, and unless the cousins see them often (sounds unlikely) they are only inviting the cousins and possibly also you out of familial obligation.

It’s an invite, not a summons. Accept or not, it’s your choice.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 06/09/2021 15:58

And if they’ve had invitations’done’ it’s likely due to budget. They’re damned expensive.

Badgerstmary · 06/09/2021 15:58

Op I agree that it is odd to send your invite including your adult dc. Did they maybe not have their address? Are your dc close to their cousins?

girlmom21 · 06/09/2021 16:00

It sounds like none of you are close to the bride and groom as you'd have been able to have these conversations with them without any confusion or awkwardness if so.

If your children are offended that's their problem.
There's nothing wrong with the invite.

BrilliantBetty · 06/09/2021 16:00

Weird to send people in their mid to late thirties(!) and invitation via their parents.. that seems a little lazy / silly. But tbh I wish I hadn't bothered inviting short term partners to my wedding, and yes 2 or 3 years isn't long they may not have even met the wedding couple. So fair enough that they didn't invite them. The evening invite suggestion is clearly just to be friendly they are not expecting them to attend.
I see where you're coming from but perhaps consider it from the bride and groom's point of view.

bestbefore · 06/09/2021 16:01

Does your niece have direct contact with your children? I'd have thought not so sounds like she's just being polite asking them to come! If they had a relationship she'd have sent an invite directly wouldn't she?