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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitation

224 replies

AnnieMay55 · 06/09/2021 15:43

We have been sent an invitation to our niece's wedding for myself, husband and two adult children mid to late thirties. Our children have lived independently for 15+ years. Eldest who is single, was quite offended by this, saying it looks like mum dad and two kids. Youngest has lived with partner for two years, will be 3 by the wedding but partner not invited to cousins wedding. What I find most annoying is the fact I received the invitation so emailed and politely said it would be best to send them their own invitation as I didn't want an awkward conversation saying they were invited but not partner. I thought I'd put it clearly but I just received a reply saying they could both come in the evening. This wedding is over 5 hours away at a chosen scenic location involving one night's accommodation for the evening but two nights if going to the whole thing. I just found this a joke and quite rude expecting someone to go just to the evening this far away. I didn't reply as I'd told them to do their own invitation. Our child has not heard anything , in more than a month since.

OP posts:
SW1amp · 06/09/2021 17:33

For those saying I asked for an extra person, I politely asked if they could send them their own invitation which isn't quite the same and all they did was continue to message me.

There is no ‘polite’ way to demand extra invitations

You rudely asked for extra invitations, even if you used your best passive aggressive polite words

seven201 · 06/09/2021 17:34

Yabu

queenmeadhbh · 06/09/2021 17:35

I’m laughing imagining sending an invitation to my aunt and uncle, specifying that the invitation was also extended to their adult children - my cousins - and my aunt messaging me to ask me to send a separate invitation to my cousins. Yeah a bit odd since they’re adults, but she probably thought errrr they’re your kids can you just not tell them when it is?

Nixandwotsit · 06/09/2021 17:39

How bloody rude can you get? You and your offspring I mean.

Starseeking · 06/09/2021 17:41

Sometimes wedding invitations themselves can cost a fortune, and they may have restricted numbers there too. So instead of sending out 3 invitations to your separate households, they figured they could just send one and cover all their bases.

To ask them now to send extras, they may not even have extras. To request that they send out more was not a good move on your part OP.

Mrsfw · 06/09/2021 17:45

This reminds me of my wedding when I invited my cousins (yes via my Aunty & uncle) No real relationship with them, it was just to appease my mum & her guest list. My Aunty replied with ‘+1’ next to one of the cousins names. We were so pushed on numbers, I thought it so rude but I went along with it.

I didn’t then even get invited back to my cousins a few years after that 😂. Bizarre.

RazorSharp · 06/09/2021 17:45

So, to be clear, your adult children know about the invitations and presumably the RSVP details? You've discussed it with them, but you now want the B&G to tell them personally again?

Why? They already know the details and are perfectly able to respond as they wish, either yes or no.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 06/09/2021 17:45

I’m with you OP-it’s really weird to send grown adults an invitation via their parents who they haven’t lived with in years and years. It smacks of trying to overlook the fact that they are no longer single adults and inviting them might mean extending an invitation to their partner. 100% intentional by the bride and groom.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/09/2021 17:46

It's an invitation. You either accept or decline.

It's rude to impose your opinion on who or how they should invite guests. Very bad form OP.

Lanique · 06/09/2021 17:47

Op you are being incredibly entitled. There are limits to how many can be invited and it's incredibly difficult to allocate spaces diplomatically, eg if you invite one set of cousins' partners you then feel as if you have to invite them all.

A wedding of 100 people means that after friends, you are left with a certain number of family members on each side. Once you have taken off parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins there aren't that many spaces left!

Madwife123 · 06/09/2021 17:50

I have 9 aunties, 1 uncle and 54 cousins, plus all their partners and some have children. If I sent an invite to each person I would spend so much on stationary that I couldn’t afford to invite them all anymore. I sent an invite to each auntie / uncle and included them ‘plus family’ meaning their kids, partners, grandkids etc. wether at home or not and expected them to spread the news. I don’t see how that’s a problem. It’s worked fine and several people have RSVP despite not having the invite to their home.

hibbledibble · 06/09/2021 17:50

I don't understand the angst about the invite. For a family wedding, it's not a big deal to send an invite to the family.

As for having partners for the whole day, they may well not have capacity at the venue, or funds for this. Have the couple even met cousin's newish partner?

Yabu for making a big deal of this. Ask your children if they want to go, and rsvp.

Blanketpolicy · 06/09/2021 17:50

Sorry op, but you are being an awkward bugger 🤣

WeAllHaveWings · 06/09/2021 17:51

It's been more than a month? What have you RSVP'd?

m0therofdragons · 06/09/2021 17:51

I bet they wish they hadn’t invited your family at all now! It’s a bit unusual but you’ve been invited as a family unit so not really that weird.

Planesmistakenforstars · 06/09/2021 17:52

Sending just the one invite was odd. Everything after that you have been a knobhead about.

Our child has not heard anything, in more than a month since.
Well, they have better things to worry about than following up with a rude and awkward family member and her huffy children.

MoreAloneTime · 06/09/2021 17:56

Why do people think it's the OP and her partner's responsibility to act as a go between here? Its perfectly reasonable for her to not want to do this and to request the B&G communicate directly with the adults they are inviting.

WFHWF · 06/09/2021 18:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Jerseygirl12 · 06/09/2021 18:00

Why don’t you reply to the invite OP?

JustLyra · 06/09/2021 18:01

@MoreAloneTime

Why do people think it's the OP and her partner's responsibility to act as a go between here? Its perfectly reasonable for her to not want to do this and to request the B&G communicate directly with the adults they are inviting.
It’s hardly a grand task to message your kids and pass on an invitation.
Chloemol · 06/09/2021 18:02

Yes it’s odd

But get over it, just tell the kids they are invited, partners not do they want to go or not

LondonJax · 06/09/2021 18:06

If it's an issue with partners just being invited to the evening party, why don't both 'children' just reply saying they'll come with their partners in the evening? It'll save the cost for the bride and groom, the 'children' and partners can still book in the hotel and have a nice day then come to the party in the evening. They don't need to make a drama about it, just think a bit.

FoxgloveSummers · 06/09/2021 18:10

This is why I just texted everyone to invite them to my wedding. Grin OP the important thing is they actually want you and your offspring there, they bothered to put you on a list agree to pay for your dinner and drinks etc etc and write you an invite. You're welcome to attend or not. They really don't have any obligation to invite anyone at all. It's somehow always aunts/cousins kicking up a fuss about this kind of thing.

The one upside of Covid (and I bet the poor bride is thinking this now) is that we sadly had to limit numbers so Awkward Auntie PITA didn't get invited at all let alone her kids and their partners. (Needless to say there were many other people we'd have loved to have there but couldn't.)

blisstwins · 06/09/2021 18:13

@AnnieMay55

Is it not odd to send one invitation , when offspring are heading towards 40 and haven't lived at home for many years and not local to us either. I would think a live in serious partner when you are mid thirties for a fairly close relative would have been more normal especially when there is so much travel ( also by train as non driver) and accomodation to pay for.
I think you are looking to be offended. What does being “right” get you? Just rsvp and go or don’t go.
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2021 18:15

Oh my goodness. Your child has heard nothing. From the busy bride and groom. One invitation amongst many. The adult thing would have been for your child with the partner to contact the B&G directly. You say they are mature adults and friends on Facebook. You could have simply passed the information to your children and taken the invitation in the spirit in which it was meant.

Someone upthread said you were confusing etiquette and manners. Fine, sending invitations via you is against etiquette. However, pointing this out is poor manners even without ordering grown adults to send fresh invitations directly to your children.