Page 9 | Wedding invitation

AnnieMay55 · 2021-09-06T14:43:59+00:00

We have been sent an invitation to our niece's wedding for myself, husband and two adult children mid to late thirties. Our children have lived independently for 15+ years. Eldest who is single, was quite offended by this, saying it looks like mum dad and two kids. Youngest has lived with partner for two years, will be 3 by the wedding but partner not invited to cousins wedding. What I find most annoying is the fact I received the invitation so emailed and politely said it would be best to send them their own invitation as I didn't want an awkward conversation saying they were invited but not partner. I thought I'd put it clearly but I just received a reply saying they could both come in the evening. This wedding is over 5 hours away at a chosen scenic location involving one night's accommodation for the evening but two nights if going to the whole thing. I just found this a joke and quite rude expecting someone to go just to the evening this far away. I didn't reply as I'd told them to do their own invitation. Our child has not heard anything , in more than a month since.

WellLarDeDar · 07/09/2021 12:22

Blimey OP why would you go out of your way to create drama over that. Bit of an overreaction.

Kite22 · 07/09/2021 20:11

Why should we attend a wedding if they can’t even bother to make sure we received the invite?

There is no "should" about it
You sound as if you are trying to imply that you are somehow 'honouring them with your presence' , rather than being the recipient of a kind invitation.

When I receive an invitation to a wedding, I think "Oh, how lovely", whether it arrives by post to my family as a whole, to parts of my family as separate invitations (that hasn't happened yet), to just dh and me, to me without dh, and whether it is a bought card, a fancy handmade invitation, an e-mail, a notification on Messenger, or by carrier pigeon.
I thn look at the date, the venue, and other details and decide if it is practical for me to go or not, and then I reply.
It has never crossed my mind to criticise the way I am invited.
That is really strange.

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 08/09/2021 07:36

@Kite22 but I haven’t received the invite. It’s sitting in a different country, unopened with my name on it. They know where I live with my DH.

So I don’t think that’s a kind invite, it’s lazy and not very considerate at all. It’s easier to send an invite abroad, then travel abroad to a wedding. As I say, it’s only a few extra pence.
So, all in all, your comment is the strange one here

londonrach · 08/09/2021 07:51

Wow, you've been very rude here op. Just your DH and you go. Your neice is just extended the invitation to your adult children as think they decline. No way do you demand your neice invites other people too. Yabu re this. It's an invitation not a summons..if you don't want to go decline it

Puddypuds · 08/09/2021 08:06

Just out of curiosity how close are your children to their cousin? It would appear not very in which case why even go? Never understand people going to the weddings of others they barely know, never see etc. Equally think it's barmy to ask relatives they never see etc. My husband has 22 first cousins (most who live locally ish) but wedding invites tend to be for the cousins you are close to, friends with etc and I think that's perfectly acceptable. I wouldn't want to travel 5 hours to the wedding of someone who didn't even know where I currently lived.

ThinWomansBrain · 08/09/2021 08:13

you state that your children are not close to the couple - so very gracious for them to have been invited at all - and you expect the bride to go grubbing atound on facebook to find their emails.

In the brides place I'd have taken your rude arsey reply as a "no" for all of you, and invited people I knew well and liked, and who might actually want to be there instead.

summertime202 · 08/09/2021 08:45

Wedding planning can be quite stressful, I doubt the couple 'planned' on offending you or your adult DC or the partners.

I'm sure they don't need the added stress of your demands! Invitations aren't cheap you know .. also at my wedding none of my cousins had a plus one allowance 😂

MoreAloneTime · 08/09/2021 09:22

People who come to your wedding are honouring you with their presence. The whole point of a wedding reception is as a thank you to the people who have taken the time to attend and witness the wedding.

When you choose to invite guests to anything you should be treating them with courtesy and respect. You cut your cloth either with less expensive stationary or only invite those you can afford to send an invitation to.

As a grown adult I'd find it very weird to be invited through my parents and would at least like an email with the details so I could respond directly.

Katiesaidthat · 08/09/2021 09:39

Actually OP I am going to be unpopular and agree with. When I sent my invitations I had to contact people to get the right addresses for everyone. I didn´t send one family invite where the "kids" where in their forties. Each adult unit got their own. In my mind it shows they aren´t really interested in your adult "kids" when they can´t even be bothered to contact you to find out their email or home address. I wouldn´t bother if I were your children.
And as for a relationship of three years being nothing, as some suggest, it is longer than quite a few marriages!

FoxgloveSummers · 08/09/2021 09:57

My mum doesn’t understand Facebook and thinks that I’m constantly in contact with and “speaking to” every single one of my Facebook friends through Facebook. Wondering if OP is the same.

OP how would you have reacted if your kids hadn’t been invited?

Original poster

AnnieMay55 · 08/09/2021 11:37

Wow what a lot of responses and strong feelings on this thread. Being a public forum to answer some of the points would be too outing however all have been read. To the poster questioning my understanding of Facebook, I am fully aware of how it works and the family including the cousins regularly use messenger. As people have commented, younger people do not use the post and all I was suggesting was they send an individual invitation via messenger or WhatsApp which have been used for other family invitations including weddings. Instead I had to photograph the invitation to send on so they have the full details for the wedding in over a years time. I thought it would have been better they sent direct to them.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/09/2021 13:28

This response is even haughtier than the rest. Do you always respond in such a manner when your behaviour is put into question?

gingerbiscuits · 08/09/2021 13:36

@AnnieMay55

Wow what a lot of responses and strong feelings on this thread. Being a public forum to answer some of the points would be too outing however all have been read. To the poster questioning my understanding of Facebook, I am fully aware of how it works and the family including the cousins regularly use messenger. As people have commented, younger people do not use the post and all I was suggesting was they send an individual invitation via messenger or WhatsApp which have been used for other family invitations including weddings. Instead I had to photograph the invitation to send on so they have the full details for the wedding in over a years time. I thought it would have been better they sent direct to them.

For what it's worth @AnnieMay55, I agree with you, 100%!

Would have been better for them to just not invite your 2 kids at all & just say it was because of needing to keep numbers down or whatever. That's perfectly understandable & none of you would have batted an eyelid! 🤷‍♀️

CoronaPeroni · 08/09/2021 14:01

As a family we wouldn't have even noticed it was a group invite let alone get offended. What would have been funny was if the invite was addressed to you and dh and at the bottom was 'Hope you are not offended but we have decided to have a child-free wedding'

Palavah · 08/09/2021 14:21

@gingerbiscuits I bet she wouldn't!

WomanStanleyWoman · 08/09/2021 15:53

Honestly, if a cousin invited me to their wedding on my parents’ invitation, I might think, ‘Bloody hell; I’m 40, not 14’ and have a bit of a laugh about it. I don’t think I’d have taken great offence. It sounds like they were nice enough to invite you as a ‘unit’ within their family, but aren’t extending it to partners they don’t know particularly well.

You say you think they did it this way to avoid the awkwardness of not inviting the partner. Well, they weren’t getting away with that on your watch, where they? You made sure there was awkwardness by deliberately referencing this in your ‘polite request’ for a separate invitation. You either wanted to embarrass them into inviting your child’s partner, or just embarrass them full stop.

I can understand being annoyed at no plus one for a wedding where you hardly know anyone, but is it really that big an insult to be asked to a wedding alongside your sibling and parents? Where you’ll presumably be surrounded by other family members?

Seashell1234 · 08/09/2021 16:07

@AnnieMay55

There is no excuse not knowing their addresses, they are not close but friends on Facebook and message. I just feel we were sent the invitation to save their embarrassment not including partner. Ok many don't agree with me however this niece has several siblings and it was the other way around we would never have left out two unmarried partners. At least one of her siblings has invited my child's partner to their wedding which is before this one.

Well that would have been your decision. This is theirs.

I agree that direct invitations to your kids would have been better but it's no big deal. Maybe they didn't want to pay for more invites, maybe they are lazy, maybe they thought their way gave more of a 'family feel'. Who knows.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/09/2021 17:13

Instead I had to photograph the invitation to send on so they have the full details for the wedding in over a years time.

Gosh, I hope you're ok after that

Come on OP even on reflection after reading the massive majority of comments on here, couldn't you be gracious enough to say 'fair enough, sounds like my reaction was OTT'?

Seemssounfair · 08/09/2021 18:19

I thought it would have been better they sent direct to them.

And they thought they would extend the invite to your family unit. How does your thought override the person extending the invite? It was rude to correct them.

Kite22 · 08/09/2021 18:56

People who come to your wedding are honouring you with their presence

What utter poppycock.
A guest is the one being treated, The host is being generous in inviting guests - to any event.
The sense of entitlement grows and grows.

FoxgloveSummers · 08/09/2021 19:00

It's both isn't it? Guests are very kind to come to your wedding and sometimes go to a lot of trouble with expense/time/trouble/presents etc. But then the couple are kind to invite them to their occasion. It's a bit like having people to your home for dinner. It's the "hosted" who sometimes feel the need to "reciprocate" which indicates that the hosts have treated them to something. Same with a wedding.

Orla1970 · 08/09/2021 19:08

When I got married I sent an invite to a friend and her two kids in their 20s. 1/ because I didn’t know the kids relationship status as one was a bit on/off and the other because I didn’t know addresses. The friend then asked me if both of her kids could bring their partners. I was only having people to the full day. No evening invites. I then agreed. On the day, out of the confirmed 6, two turned up with one of them leaving immediately after dinner. An incredible waste of money for me and incredibly rude on their part but they thought it was OK. Another person I invited was having an affair with a married man and wanted me to invite him too. I said no. Hasn’t spoken to me since. Can’t believe how entitled people get about other peoples weddings! If you don’t like who has been invited and to what bits. RSVP and decline. You can never please everyone when organising a wedding

WomanStanleyWoman · 08/09/2021 19:47

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Instead I had to photograph the invitation to send on so they have the full details for the wedding in over a years time.

Gosh, I hope you're ok after that

Come on OP even on reflection after reading the massive majority of comments on here, couldn't you be gracious enough to say 'fair enough, sounds like my reaction was OTT'?

TractorAndHeadphones · 08/09/2021 20:56

@AnnieMay55

Wow what a lot of responses and strong feelings on this thread. Being a public forum to answer some of the points would be too outing however all have been read. To the poster questioning my understanding of Facebook, I am fully aware of how it works and the family including the cousins regularly use messenger. As people have commented, younger people do not use the post and all I was suggesting was they send an individual invitation via messenger or WhatsApp which have been used for other family invitations including weddings. Instead I had to photograph the invitation to send on so they have the full details for the wedding in over a years time. I thought it would have been better they sent direct to them.

It took you what - 5 seconds - to photograph and send on? If they were sending out paper invitations to everyone you but only texted your children how sure are you that they wouldn’t be even more offended?