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Original poster

Dh over reacting or me in the wrong

218 replies

Cantdorightforwrong88 · 29/08/2021 21:23

Massive row with dh tonight and I honestly cannot see what I have done wrong so not sure if dh is tired and over reacting after a day out or if I did actually do something wrong.

Back story from today, dh has been out at a sporting event, dropped him off at 8 this morning he got home at 6 ish tonight. We have 2 children dd6 and ds 14 weeks. Me and the children had a lovely day, didn't do alot, watched films, played, went for a walk to get some treats etc.

Dh came home, I got on with some jobs and sat and talked to him.

My birthday is coming up so everyone has been asking me what I want. I literally have no idea but as we had some downtime today I finally came up with something and was excited to tell dh. So I did this evening. He shot down my idea in 2 seconds flat. Not even a discussion. Just no. That's fine, i said OK and carried on doing what I was doing and said I will think of something else.

I wanted to bath the children tonight so said I would run up for a shower then call them up. He said it was a bit late so agreed we would do tomorrow. End of that discussion. I popped out to the kitchen and then came back in to say OK I will pop up for a shower. He went mad telling me i had told him 5 times already and just to go. When I argued this was the second time I had told him, I was told to F off. In front of the children. So I went upstairs and had a shower.

Came down and asked him who was putting which one to bed (we tend to take turns or do 1 child each) he didn't really say anything. Dd asked me to do story, again dh didn't say anything so I assumed he was OK with this and happy to do ds. Started to get dd ready and made ds a bottle to help him out. He then proceeded to again scream and shout that he wanted to do dad's bed as he had brought her a new book yesterday he wanted to do. I had forgotten this (apparently he had told me yesterday and this morning - I really don't remember this!) But if he had said that it wouldn't have been an issue. I challenged him on this and he again told me to F off, again in front of the children and will not talk to me.

I was really looking forward to seeing him today as we didn't really see each other much yesterday, or last week as he was working night shifts (i'm on mat leave) and now just feel like I ruined the whole evening by daring to talk to him.

OP posts:
Trisolaris · 29/08/2021 21:26

The one screaming and shouting, swearing in front of the children is instantly in the wrong here. At worst it sounds you were mildly irritating. . .

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/08/2021 21:26

Your DH is an arse. He's been out all day and you've been with the children and he came back and acted like this? I'd be having serious words with him

Is he normally like this?

Fireflygal · 29/08/2021 21:27

Absolutely not over reacting.

Is this the first time he has been aggressive and sworn at you?

weltenbummler · 29/08/2021 21:29

Don't let him gaslight you into thinking this is your problem! If he has been out all day to pursue his hobby while you parented his kids singlehandedly I would expect him to show gratitude towards you and to ask you how he can make things up to you rather than swearing at you

fourandnomore · 29/08/2021 21:29

It doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong here. I don’t get it. He sounds like a dick. No need for shouting over such day to day stuff. No idea what the gift you asked for but was it offensive? Is he stressed about money or something? I think if ask him if something was worrying him but if not then I stand by my third sentence.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 21:30

That’s really bad.

Op I mean this gently, is he seeing someone else?

phishy · 29/08/2021 21:30

OP, it’s worrying that you are taking the blame for his awful behaviour. He is abusive.

Do you not feel able to tell him to fuck off himself when he talks to you like that? Even away from the children?

user1471442488 · 29/08/2021 21:31

How could you possibly think you’re in the wrong here?

Merryoldgoat · 29/08/2021 21:31

He’s being a dick.

Is this normal or completely out of the blue?

phishy · 29/08/2021 21:32

@Trisolaris

The one screaming and shouting, swearing in front of the children is instantly in the wrong here. At worst it sounds you were mildly irritating. . .
How was she mildly irritating? You’re mildly victim blaming, please don’t.
Merryoldgoat · 29/08/2021 21:32

@Bluntness100

That’s really bad.

Op I mean this gently, is he seeing someone else?

I honestly wondered the same and it’s not generally where my mind goes first.
LubaLuca · 29/08/2021 21:32

Has he been drinking? Is he usually snappy and angry? I get that it can be annoying when you're tired and someone seems to be fussing around, but his shouting and screaming are a huge overreaction.

LawnFever · 29/08/2021 21:33

He’s awful! Does he normally swear and shout at you for no reason whatsoever?

His behaviour is horrible and unnecessary- even if you had already said about having a shower there was no need for that overreaction.

M0rT · 29/08/2021 21:33

I don't care what he's worried about he's a prick and it's a bit worrying that you think you ruined the evening.
He did that all by himself.
Seriously, in if you filmed him shouting about wanting to put your DD to bed and showed it to people who know him, would it change their opinion of him?

LubaLuca · 29/08/2021 21:34

And yes, I'd also be wondering if there's someone else in the wings.

MoiraRose4 · 29/08/2021 21:35

This sounds like gaslighting to me, please don’t put up with being treated this way.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 29/08/2021 21:36

I wouldn’t call anything the op says she did “mildly irritating” at all. And I’m pretty irritable.

But even if she had been — that does NOT matter. It wouldn’t be relevant, because it still wouldn’t be reasonable for anyone to respond by shouting and swearing at her in front of small children.

OP — I’m sorry, but his behaviour towards you sounds deliberately intimidating and scary. To me that’s abuse.

JulesCobb · 29/08/2021 21:36
  1. Where was he all day? Like, all day!
  1. Why does he get w say in what you want fif your birthday?
  1. Leave him
cakecakecheese · 29/08/2021 21:38

There was absolutely no need for him to react the way he did. You are not in the wrong here and you have to make it clear his behaviour is unacceptable.

spotcheck · 29/08/2021 21:39

Have you asked him?

You absolutely don't deserve to be told to f off- that crosses a line. But.... Do you have baby brain, and perhaps you have been absent mindedly mentioning things?
Again, you still don't deserve to be spoken to like that.

MeanyJoany · 29/08/2021 21:39

Your dh is a dickhead

What did you want for your birthday that just shot down??? Hmm

phishy · 29/08/2021 21:40

@spotcheck has she asked him what?!

bubblebubblebubbletrouble · 29/08/2021 21:40

Did his team lose?
Is he drunk?
Neither of these are excuses for telling you to f off in front of a 6 year old btw he's still being an arse

Tee20x · 29/08/2021 21:41

My face while reading this : ??????

What is going on! Like PP said - why does he get a say in what you want for your bday?

Why is he screaming about reading a book?

Why is he screaming full stop?

Swearing at you? In front of the kids?

It's a no from me.

lyntheyresexpeople · 29/08/2021 21:43

Your Dh is a prize cunt

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