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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really unfair and he's put me in an awkward position

214 replies

Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:30

I'm on maternity leave at the moment, baby isn't sleeping great so I'm pretty knackered which my husband knows.

My DSC are staying for the next week and I have them with me occasionally during the school holidays, whilst DH works and other times he takes time off.

I've just been informed by one of DSC that they've spoken to their Dad who's said it's fine for both of them to have friends stay tonight.

So basically DH has agreed they can have a friend over each, knowing that he'll be out the door at 7am and it'll be me all day with a baby and 4 other DC until friends go home (which given its school holidays, who knows when that will be?)

I've messaged him and asked why on earth he didn't think to ask me first and apparently it's fine because he'll be there in the evening and then tomorrow they can just entertain themselves... (Yeah right, the house will be noisy, shouting chaos!) Oh and he apparently told them they have to 'be good'... Hmm

I feel like I can't say no now because then it's me who looks like the horrible one.

They obviously have friends to stay but it's always been at a weekend when DH is also here and takes the lead with stuff.

I'm so annoyed that he's basically not even bothered to consider me at all before deciding it's okay when I'm the one who'll have to deal with it and he knows I'm knackered!

AIBU to be pissed off and think that's so out of order?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:31

I feel like just buggering off to a friend's and not telling him so he'll have to stay home tomorrow, seen as we apparently don't need to check with each other before arranging things that affect the other person.

OP posts:
RebeccaBristol · 10/08/2021 16:32

He absolutely should have checked with you first, but I find it so much easier when my kids both have a friend to play

TeapotCollection · 10/08/2021 16:33

😮 as the saying goes, I’d be ripping him a new arsehole!

I’d definitely be tempted to bugger off and not tell him, that’s awful

Original poster
Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:34

I wish that were the case for us! Whenever we have their friends over they are constantly having to be told to calm down/keep the noise down at night, running through the house and so on, especially when they both have someone over at the same time. Even he found it stressful last time!

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 10/08/2021 16:34

Yeh that's shit of him. He needs to message the friends' parents and tell them they need picking up at 10am latest (or earlier!)

Gizlotsmum · 10/08/2021 16:34

How old are they? Will they need lots of supervision? He should have asked but it might not be as bad as you are dreading. Could he get up with baby?

Fiddliestofsticks · 10/08/2021 16:35

Book a hotel for tonight. Leave him to deal with it. He made the plan, he'll have to sort out breakfast for them all and be there to supervise until they go home.

5zeds · 10/08/2021 16:37

How old are they?

Original poster
Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:38

They are 10 and 8

OP posts:
Sirinn · 10/08/2021 16:38

Ugh, I've known friends suffer this. Man meets a new partner and immediately thinks 'ka-ching! Free babysitter!' and the next thing you know she's sat watching his children while he's out doing extra work hours, hanging out with friends, going to sports...

fairycakes1234 · 10/08/2021 16:40

Wouldnt bother me, sure at that age they can entertain themselves. Easier when they have friends in the house anyway.

5zeds · 10/08/2021 16:40

Two ten year olds and two eight year olds!!! I would be ferocious

Original poster
Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:41

@fairycakes1234

Wouldnt bother me, sure at that age they can entertain themselves. Easier when they have friends in the house anyway.
That may be how it is for you but I have certainly never found it easier when they have friends round. Louder and more chaotic would be what I'd call it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:42

They can entertain themselves in the sense that they don't need me to literally supervise everything they do. But it certainly doesn't mean they do it at a reasonable noise level and so on..

OP posts:
messybun101 · 10/08/2021 16:43

@Lordye

I feel like just buggering off to a friend's and not telling him so he'll have to stay home tomorrow, seen as we apparently don't need to check with each other before arranging things that affect the other person.
Yes do this!!
honeylulu · 10/08/2021 16:45

Yes go to your friends house! He thinks it will be "fine" so I assume he'll find it easy to deal with including getting them all up and dropped off by 7am. Snigger.

Atalune · 10/08/2021 16:47

Your DH is out of order for not discussing first. That I do agree with.

However you also sound particularly intolerant of the children unless they are particularly terribly behaved.

Hankunamatata · 10/08/2021 16:47

DH deals with them tonight. Make clear to parents that you have appointment and needs kids picked up by 11am tom.

He should have asked you

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2021 16:48

Either say a hard no and watch him cancel the sleep overs. Or just go away for the night if it’s not too much hassle. He needs a short sharp shock to realise you’re not his unpaid staff. Cheeky bastard.

I’d be livid.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 10/08/2021 16:50

YANBU. Their ages are important here because if they were all teenagers he'd still BU to have not asked, but he'd be right that they would just be in the house with you (so still not ok to not ask....) but that you didnt actually need to "babysit". But at 10 and 8 what he's done is made you into a free babysitter. YANBU and I'd be telling him that if he has offered to have over an 8 year old and 10 year old for the day for his children to play with that he needs to take the day off, because he has sorted out this "playdate", and the parents of these children know your DH and his kids, not you, the kids SM who is a stranger to them (unless it's you who does all the school runs on his contact time for him....).

FinallyHere · 10/08/2021 16:51

feel like just buggering off to a friend's

If it's the first time he has not checked with you I would probably let it go. If he has history of not running things past you, do this.

Go out early. Look surprised when he asked why you didn't tell him your plans.

I'm guessing he will be less inclined to not include you in planning in future.

Original poster
Lordye · 10/08/2021 16:52

I'm not intolerant of the children Hmm but I'm not going to agree that it's 'easier when they have friends over' when, from experience, it isn't.

I'm really annoyed at how little he's even considered me tbh. I was literally crying to him not 2 days ago because of how knackered I am from a build up of sleepless nights with the baby and instead of helping he decides this is a good idea.

If he was here I wouldn't mind

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 10/08/2021 16:52

I’d definitely disappear to a friends and I’d do it tonight and stay there till late tomorrow.

HalzTangz · 10/08/2021 16:52

Leave him to do everything tonight, from cooking tea, to calming them down, to getting them to bed, and tell him he's to clea after them, prepare their breakfasts and sort a lunchbox out for lunchtime for them.

If he's made to do everything he will think twice before not asking you first in future

frazzledasarock · 10/08/2021 16:54

Even if it’s the first time he’s ever done something like this. I’d definitely disappear for the entire day.

And if he asks tell him oh never mind you were home weren’t you.

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