What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

Some random man who claimed to be a doctor stopped me in the street and told me my DD would suffocate in the sling. Called me a stupid fucking idiot. I gave him a mouthful back but it really shook me - especially in a crowded street - people looking etc.

My SIL announced my baby’s birth on Facebook (and my daughter’s name) before I had a chance to (had baby at 11pm and it was on Facebook at 7am the next morning). Hadn’t even told extended family yet as didn’t want to call them in the middle of the night, but as my SIL had tagged me they all saw it there first and were quite upset. She also made it all about them finally becoming an aunt and uncle 🙄 Could be worse but it felt like a very thoughtless move on their part.

When I was in hospital after a traumatic EMCS with DD1. A healthcare assistant bullied me for 4 nights. Over the course of the nights (obviously when my DP had gone home because partners weren’t allowed to stay on the ward) she-

• refused to help me lift my baby from the cot when I’d had a section a matter of hours before. I was recovering from general anaesthetic, I had also had an earlier epidural so I was incredibly unsteady on my feet and just wanted assistance so I wouldn’t fall/drop her
• told me off the second night for not feeding her enough (she had high levels of bilirubin in her bloodstream so was incredibly difficult to feed those first days. I’d tried really hard little and often and finally felt like she had had enough). She took her off me, fed her milk and then DD projectile vomited everywhere within a minute of finishing
• DD needed light therapy and I wanted someone to check her eye mask was properly secured as no one had shown me how to put one on. She came in, took it off, put it back on again and within the second the curtain closed it pinged off her face. At this point I’d honestly had enough of the bitch and had a “I’ll just do it my fucking self moment”.
• the last night of the cow. Partner had spent an hour sorting DD (feeding her, changing her, getting her down for a sleep), he got me biscuits out and the jug of water beside my bed etc. As soon as he left, the cow fired my curtain wide open, pushed the table that was beside my bed to the far corner (so I had to get up to get a drink now), took my phone from the bed and set it on said table and turned around and walked out again.

I was completely done by this point. Utterly broken. I hobbled over to the curtain, closed it, got my phone and text my partner saying I’d had enough. I sobbed for about half an hour after that.

My only regret is not getting her name and reporting her. To this day I still think she set off my PND.

@Dogscanteatonions oh come on, I think it takes a special kind of mindset to FB that message to a new mother.

I invited MIL to come and stay the night to hang out with me and DS1 when he was a few weeks old. The idea was that she would spend the night and the following day. We’ve never had a very good relationship but at this point I was still trying to make an effort to improve things. She was already complaining about how I clearly favoured my mum over her, wasn’t letting her get involved with the baby, etc, so this was me trying to help her feel included. I was also struggling with what proved to be PND, with no support network nearby, and she knew i was lonely and isolated.

She stayed the night and then AS SOON AS my husband set off for work, when I would be alone with the baby, she went straight home, clearly with no interest in seeing DS unless DH was there. It probably doesn’t sound like a big deal but I had no family or friends nearby at all and I was trying so hard to get a good relationship with her. I cried and cried when she’d gone.

She still carried on moaning about me and everything I did afterwards, but by that time I’d realised that nothing I could do would be right for her.

giddiness ???? Goodness

I got DH to film our last baby being born. Not the direct um... money shot... but I was on my hands and knees in a birthing pool and video was done from above. I thought it would be cool to see for myself one of my own babies being born.

I sent the video to my sister because she asked to see it and well, she's my sister. A fellow woman who has also given birth.

She mailed it to our dad! He called later and said, "Congratulations darling, but I don't think I needed to see it! Ha ha!"

I asked him, "See what?" I nearly died of embarrassment when he told me

I just remembered another one.

I had my ds 3 years after my first ds died my health visitor walked in, took one look at him and said "Does he look anything like your dead son?".

I asked her to leave and she told me I clearly had PND and she was concerned I wasn't over my grief.

I phoned and complained and got given another, much nicer HV.

We went to a BBQ and we were sat in the garden when when the neighbour popped up with a fag in her hand.

The neighbour who had several kids already asked if she could take my 4 week old daughter into her house so she could make her new boyfriend broody!

My answer was a firm no! The rest of her kids were absolutely feral and spent most of the time sitting in the garden looking miserable, I think she liked the baby stage and nothing else!

When my mil saw ds1 for the 1st time she told me I needed to tape his ears to his head as they were sticking out. The 2nd time she saw him she said, oh I see you still haven’t taped his ears!
Needless to say I never did tape his ears & they soon sorted themselves out.

@goldierocks

Short walk to visit my parents when DS was 10 days old. I was recovering from an accident I'd had early in pregnancy, plus a third degree tear & sutures from the birth.

On the way home, at the top of a steep hill with an A road at the end of it, (ex) 'D'H gave the pram a big push and let go...the pram started rolling away at speed, with DS in it. I obviously ran after it, then burst into tears when I caught it (DS fast asleep).

Ex then screamed at me for making a scene and that it was my fault for not being able to take a joke.

that's awful!

[quote TSSDNCOP]@Dogscanteatonions oh come on, I think it takes a special kind of mindset to FB that message to a new mother.[/quote]
Obviously it's a shitty thing to do but the partner getting another woman pregnant is far far worse!

My ex manager WhatsApped me congratulating me on the safe arrival of baby and asked to see photos. I messaged back asking had he not seen email from current manager which outlined baby was pretty sick in ICU. His response was to laugh this off.

Was at a local "nice" supermarket with my then about 2 week old who admittedly was starting to get a bit hungry but I was just buying some bread and milk and then back in the car and a two minute journey home. Some really old, properly witchy old lady approached me and told me that my "Wicked daughter wanted weighing down with bricks and throwing in a river for making that noise". I was in too much shock that anyone would say that to be able to reply properly.

DH said to me “what is that!!?” Looking disgusted at my stretch marks

I absolutely adore my in laws, but with both my babies they have been waiting for us at home when we got back from the hospital (husband likes this, but is aware I don't so it's really a problem with husband, not his family). Both times we were living in 1 bed flat, and although we did have some outside space it was winter so everyone indoors. I don't remember the details from my first as I had a pretty traumatic birth and the first few weeks are a bit of a blur, but I remember crying and not wanting to walk in the door as I was overwhelmed by everyone being there.
2nd baby, less traumatic birth but still in a fair amount of pain and desperately needing rest and time to adjust to being a family of four. They stayed 9 hours. Nine. Both parents, SIL and 2 kids. Can't remember if BIL was there. They had already been to visit in the hospital too.
I keep thinking I want a 3rd, but then I think of this and change my mind.

Jeez some of these are just abuse, awful, I'm glad to see a lot have cut those horrible people out of their lives.

Another one that is minor but at the time nearly drove me to murder.
DSs birth was really hard and the exact opposite of the all natural experience I wanted, after a super long labour his heart rate was all over the place, I was having a meltdown and throwing up everywhere so he was born by emcs in the middle of the night. DH got sent home alone and I got put on the ward. I was so out of it, I think mostly from emotional exhaustion. DS screamed most of the day and breastfeeding was a nightmare, I didn't eat or sleep, drink, go to the toilet all day. They sent me home after 15hrs.

We sent a message to everyone saying DS had arrived, very difficult, we're home, all exhausted, we're going to sleep and will speak to you all when we're recovered, no calls or visitors please. Queue back to back video calls from MIL while DH is practically comatose and I'm trying and failing to breastfeed, still covered in blood. I went back a few weeks later, she'd rang 12 times without answer after receiving a message saying we're going to sleep because we're exhausted
She'd done the same thing when DH had mentioned during a call that I was in hospital while pregnant and worried about water loss.

This is the same MIL some may remember said they'd have to drown my baby if it was born a girl, so the issues have been surprisingly minor! We've barely seen them.

@Dogscanteatonions

Obviously she's annoyed at the cruelty of the laughter and the insensitive bombshell when she'd just had a baby. Clearly she was more than just annoyed at her horrible partner!!

@goldierocks

Short walk to visit my parents when DS was 10 days old. I was recovering from an accident I'd had early in pregnancy, plus a third degree tear & sutures from the birth.

On the way home, at the top of a steep hill with an A road at the end of it, (ex) 'D'H gave the pram a big push and let go...the pram started rolling away at speed, with DS in it. I obviously ran after it, then burst into tears when I caught it (DS fast asleep).

Ex then screamed at me for making a scene and that it was my fault for not being able to take a joke.

Your ex[D]H wins the dickhead of the thread award!

My MIL was a nurse on maternity at our local hospital. She used to look through my notes. I caught her out when I told her the due date was 1 October and she responded "No, it says 20 September..."

When I had dd1 she visited me. I put dd beside me before picking her up to commence feeding. MIL told me I was a dirty person and that putting her beside me on the bed was the same as putting her in my sanitary towel.

I spent years putting up with MIL and SIL exchanging knowing glances about my parenting abilities. SIL was a midwife and after an argument about my dd1, she told my DH "everyone knows Elsie has not been a full shilling since the birth". Thanks for your care and support.

My older sister, who would have been 27 at the time, wouldn't hold the baby, pulled faces every time she looked at him, and said he was disgusting. She only visited because our parents brought her.

Obviously her own baby that arrived years later was wonderful and beautiful, and used all of the baby clothes and equipment that I'd kept from my own disgusting children and given to her. She sold it all afterwards

She wonders why I avoid her.

A woman in a supermarket asked if DS was my grandson! I knew I was tired and looked rough, but I was only 37!

I've been quite lucky so far, but at MILs first visit at one week old I asked if she wanted to hold the baby (first grandchild!) she gave a sort of horrified look and said 'oooo no'

Just thought that was really weird....

A fellow new mother said she 'hoped she would have dealt with it better' when I explained I was feeling anxious after dc was discharged from NICU

The GP that told me it was my fault ds2 cried every time I out him down, because I’d trained him to cry because I picked him up when he did.
I researched it myself, and realised he had silent reflux. The problem disappeared once I ordered Carobel.