What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

My DM died 3 days before my DD was born by forceps and episiotomy ensued.
A Neighbour Came round with her young son and he asked his mum did I have a Hoover as he noted carpets a bit grubby. Bless.
My DD lived in Beijing for 5 years and her 2 DDs born there. I spent 6 months there and saw her 1st being born. After a few days at home she received a phone call from hospital(International) so they spoke English and was asked about how many nappy changes, a disembodied voice told her that’s not enough. I had just come out of the bathroom to find her in tears.

Ex MIL telling me that I was selfish for breastfeeding because it meant nobody else could have a turn!

THere are some shocking stories on here - @goldierocks and @definitelyGotz, yours stand out but there are many more.

I hope some of the fucker partners/ husbands who inflicted such atrocious behaviour on you are now either much improved or long gone!

I don't think I had anything particularly bad after having had either DS, but I had 3 MCs in between. After the 1st MC, which I'd gone to hospital for, I had to visit the GP as a first registering appointment so they could assign the notes to a GP at the practice. The fucker said to me "oh well, you've already got one baby, at your age you should probably just be thankful for that and stop bothering". Arsehole. Never spoke to him again and had DS2 a couple of years later.

When I had my first Ds1 the next day the midwife on the ward visit told me my sons hair was disgusting as it still had blood and mucus on it. what can we do in hospital they don't offer us a bath for the baby. Then I wasn't allowed home until I made my mind up if I was breast or bottle feeding.

When I had DS2 ex fil came round to see the baby for the first time at two weeks old, soon as he came in asked me for a cup of tea which was cheeky I was recovering from a c section, then he goes on to ask what my hobbies are, such as do I do tennis, reading, gardening as I said no to all things, so he said if you don't do this and that then what do you do?
As if I'd have the time with a newborn. I went and took myself and my son and hid away in the bedroom for the remainder of his visit.

My "D"B made a racist comment about by dual heritage DD when she was a few weeks old, my DD is the most amazing young lady as for my brother nobody knows the burning hatred I have for him. Going nc was the best thing ever.

@VexedofVirginiaWater DS had one, in fact he had a dozen but you could only see that one. SIL at family lunch "TSS what are you going to do about that thing on his head?"

DH rang MIL when I had given (traumatic) birth. Oh no you can’t call her THAT it’s horrible. When are you bringing her up it’s too far for me to go.

We were very close to BILs children. Extremely generous over the years (DH was far too generous). When we told SIL I was pregnant she was visibly annoyed. Complained to MIL that hers should be the only children in their family and she thought we would financially support her children as they got older. When we took DD to their home town and SIL was made to hold DD it was like someone had passed her a massive dogshit, she can hardly be bothered to speak to DD now even. She’s obsessed by her siblings children of course.

MIL came to stay for 2 weeks immediately after the birth of my first child. She spent the whole time stirring up trouble. Along the lines of telling DH that I thought I was the only woman to ever have given birth.
He needed to stop helping me! and make me do more.
Thank God that DD looked like SIL and nothing like me.
She also cried because I wouldn't let her give DD a bottle as she was breast fed. Said I was only BF to spite her.

I had PNA after my second child was born. I knew something was wrong with his breathing and we'd seen a paediatrician. He was diagnosed with a floppy larynx and large adenoids causing noisy breathing on the in and out breath and they said that heMd likely grow out of it by age 7, but to be mindful that if he got bad respiratory or upper airway infection as a little one, he might need some help to breathe and that his sids risk was higher

This terrified me and I sat up night after night watching him breathe until I was so exhausted I slept, and then when I woke up, if I couldn't instantly hear him breathing, I would think he had died and a moment of terrible panic would grip me which would take me hours to get over. My ex called me "mental" so I couldn't talk to him about the anxiety I was feeling. So I spoke to the health visitor on her home visit. She was an old Irish Catholic lady, probably about a decade past retirement age and keen to do so, as she constantly said. But she came and I opened up and told her about it and also blurted out that I was terrified every day that I was going to die and not see my children grow up and make sure they're safe. I cried and cried, and said I didn't feel like I was going to be able to keep my baby boy, he was going to die in the night because of his breathing or I would die and we wouldn't be with each other. She reached for my hand, and when I gave it to her, she firmly yanked my arm and said "just stop it, woman, or I'll need to do an assessment as to your fitness to mother this young man and your young girl. You're making yourself feel this way. You can just choose to stop. It's quite selfish" My lovely outspoken friend that was there said "Umm, no it isn't!! Why are you saying that to her?!" But it made me feel panicked and miserable for months. I never saw a doctor or anything about it as I was terrified to have an assessment and have my babies taken away, which makes me sad to remember as I desperately needed help to manage my anxiety, but instead I swallowed it down and made it worse

So many things.

When my waters broke with my ds I wanted to get changed and my ex told me to stay in those clothes as I would, no doubt, be milking it and he would be doing the washing, so I had to walk about in wet clothes for hours.

He also told me after dd was born (My son had died years previously, and my other daughter had died the year before) that "Karma was probably going to kill this baby too" because I was such a cunt, then started laughing saying "who even has two kids die on them". (Dd was his, ds wasn't).

When he and I split up he and my mother joined forces to try and get my dc taken away, they were calling the health visitor and social services every week saying I was calling my dc by my dead children's names, beating them etc as my mother wanted custody

Years later my (then) partner of 3 years and I had a baby, my other dc were with their auntie and my dd was 2 days old. This probably sounds funny but it was fucking horrible. I was sitting with my new baby and all of a sudden this news report came on the TV, breaking news about a nuclear bomb, it was so bloody realistic, videos of the PM getting whisked away, footage of various things, then it was announced that a bomb had been launched at the UK. I felt fucking sick, I was trying desperately to try and get in touch with my sister to get my kids, and I couldn't reach her. All of a sudden my ex started laughing his head off, and told me it was a joke, it was a YouTube video. I cried for days, it was one of the worst things anyone has ever done to me ill never forget that feeling.

MIL refused to allow me to breastfeed in her living room, I was made to go upstairs. Her daughters all BF in her living room and she BF all of her children too. My husband spoke to her when I was present but she stood firm. I suffered with severe PND at the time and it didn't occur to me to just not visit once a week.

With my second child, I simply refused to visit and husband was fine with that decision, but I don't know if he ever told her why. She adored newborns so it really was her loss.

@Allthingsmagenta

Total stranger to me but knew I'd just given birth, messaged me on Facebook dropping the bombshell that her sister was pregnant to my then partner (father of my newborn) complete with laughing faces.

It was true and I needed to know, but the callousness and way she went about it has never left me.

And the stranger is the one you're annoyed with??

Very minor compared to many of these, but mine was arriving home absolutely knackered and sore with newborn after an extended stay in a horrifically busy maternity ward. To find DH's grandparents waiting outside the house ready to meet the baby. They were even taking up our driveway spot so DH had to park down the road!

We came in and I just sat awkwardly whilst DH ran around making cups of tea and grandparents gazed at the baby.

I know they were only excited, but I could've just cried with the frustration of not being able to get home, get showered, use my own loo and lay on my own bed with my baby and husband and just REST in private.

They're no longer with us, and I can smile about it now as they doted on him so much.

All from the MIL

• Bullied me about breast do feeding to the point I was having panic attacks and couldn’t produce any milk due to the stress
• Tried calling my son a different name
• Tried to run off with him

I no longer have anything to do with her.

FIL , SIL & BIL turned up day 4 ( day after I got out of hospital following CS) . FIL whilst holding my new beautiful DS2 said " what a shame you didn't have a girl". He was lucky to get out alive! I has highly hormonal. I can't bare to be near FIL now over 10 years later and I blame him for kicking in off my PHD

Ex’s mum used to bring his three much younger siblings round to ‘see the baby’ then disappear off and leave them with me for hours, several times during the first few weeks after Ds was born

@PurpleishDahlia

SIL moved her hen do to where I lived to make it easier for me to attend. Dd was 3 weeks old and breastfed 😣

Is this not a nice thing to do? Seems very thoughtful to me!

I sat on the board of my professional body. They were moving offices and the week I gave birth (traumatic, several days in hospital) they had me phoning round various places to cancel the cleaning contract and ringing up the cleaner to hand over her set of keys. I stopped volunteering after that.

MIL illegally gained access to the recovery area and was holding my first born as I was wheeled round after being stitched up from my Csec. I still feel angry and upset that she held DD before I had.

I had my fourth baby (third birth child) 18 months after my daughter had died after two years of leukaemia.
I'd had a home birth due to my severe anxiety about medical settings (had my next one at home too).
I took him to the clinic to be weighed. I wasn't that bothered about seeing a HV because he was my fourth kid.
I got collared but a chatty HV. She asked me if it was my first and when I said 4th I got the usual 'oh, all boys?'
I explained about my daughter.
From that moment she quizzed me about my daughter's illness, how I knew she was ill, what it was like etc etc. Bringing back stuff I didn't want to think about.
Worse was to come.
Just as I was leaving you called after me
'You must be really worried now'
'sorry?'
'You must be really worried. In case the others get it'

I have had lots of daft things said to me because I have a lot of kids. I am thick skinned but that has stayed with me for 13 years.

@nocoffeenobooze

MIL illegally gained access to the recovery area and was holding my first born as I was wheeled round after being stitched up from my Csec. I still feel angry and upset that she held DD before I had.

Would you rather it was a stranger? Or a doctor or nurse? Or that your DC was put in a cot while you were being stitched up?

I had my mother calling me stupid for insisting in trying breastfeeding DS after a lot of difficulties.

One month later he ended up in hospital with a genetic issue, which required an operation. First thing my mother said when I told her we were at the hospital was “I knew it was going to happen, you don’t care for him well!”

Unfortunately, I was not able to continue breastfeeding and I felt massively guilty about it, I honestly felt I had failed my baby even if it wasn’t my fault… just to have any idiot under the sun giving me a lecture about “how breastfeeding is difficult and I would have got it right had I persevered”. I had even a fucker telling me I was poisoning my child with formula, nice thing to say when you have a bloody healthy baby.

Giddiness Mrs DV, long time no read. I often think of your posts about your darling girl.

NovemberRain2

No, I'd rather it was my husband.
She also was privvy to some very personal medical information when a doctor came over to discuss things with me.

MiL told me I would "ruin" my baby "forever" for not breastfeeding.