What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

No one came and helped. No one visited, let alone offered to hold the baby. No one offered meals. Nothing. We got an avalanche of babygros in the post, which we then had to write thank yous/send photos for. It was so isolating and lonely.

I was desperate for someone to offer to take the baby so I could have a break. Even just to hold her for 20 mins so I could have a shower.

@youlookingatme

55 years ago I was a 16 year old unmarried mother (a sinner). The midwives were horrible to me. Wouldnt give me any pain relief told me the pain was to pay for my sin. After I had the baby he was going to be adopted as most babies of unmarried mothers in the 60s were. Lots of the other mums on the ward wouldnt talk to me and one in particular took great delight in telling me about her wonderful children and how I would not get to see my child grow into a lovely child like hers. They couldnt understand what I was going through and just said it was my own fault for sleeping with a boy before I was married. As she left one of the more horrible mothers said to me you will be back here next year your type dont know how to keep their legs together. I was just a naive 16 year old girl about to lose her baby how could they be so cruel.

Bless you, this is so sad ♥️

When ds was 10days I was suffering from severe mastitis had been to hospital and after blood tests they had wanted to keep me in but DH got in such a panic about looking after our 3yr old despite his mother living 5 minutes away that I stupidly said I’d take the antibiotics and pain relief and go home. Mil came round a few hours later - ( she knew what had happened but felt I was being a drama queen) sil was visiting so she came too and mil complained that I was in bed with baby and had not come down to show sil - when dh came to tell me how upset she was I pointed out how ill I was and that maybe he could take baby down himself The entire time they were there none of them had bothered to check I was ok or bring me drinks etc just complained that I was rude and selfish! Mil didn’t talk to me for a week) same mil had kicked up a fuss because I didn’t insist that SCBU let sil and Bil in to visit ( dd was very poorly snd the rules were only 3 named visitors allowed into the unit) she also refused to leave her coat, bag etc in a locker when she visited scbu before entering the room despite knowing the risks to our dd and other babies. When I finally got to take dd home ( she was my first born) I panicked as her temperature had gone up mil was round (as always) so I asked what I should do - her response was it’s your baby and wandered off to chat to DH.

When I was on labour with dd2 the midwife asked if I was going to try for another baby so that dh could have a son.

My Dad died suddenly from an undiagnosed aneurysm when dd1 was a week old, I was totally devastated, midwife came for a home visit and said "aah, well as they say when one door opens another one closes", made me feel totally shit and that somehow me having a baby meant that dad had to die to make room for her.

This isn’t the same thing as having a baby but my second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. It was awful and traumatic, I lost a lot of blood and it was a huge shock.

I knew something wasn’t right because I was still in a LOT of pain for days afterwards. I started bleeding heavily again so I called the hospital and the ward staff told me to come in and that I had to have someone drive me in because they were concerned about internal bleeding. Now ex DH asked in laws to come round and babysit DS1 who was asleep. They refused, MIL said that I “just had to get on with it”. My mum came fortunately (we couldn’t get hold of her at first). Got to hospital where the staff extracted retained products from my cervix which was nearly as traumatic as the miscarriage. I had to stay overnight that night on a drip. MIL texting now ex DH the whole time saying how she had a cold.

Had to have a d&c after scan revealed more “retained products”. Then got an infection afterwards. But apparently I should have just “got on with it” 🤔

MIL spent the whole week on Facebook posting “poor me” memes and complaining that no one asks after her, that she’s suffering with a cold, her family don’t come and see her.

I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her

My baby was about 2 weeks old and still feeding every 2 hours. Single mum and was demented with tiredness. Older narc sister arrives drunk and starts having a go at me because I wouldn't open wine and drink with her. All I could think was get out of my house I want to sleep. Apparently this made me selfish and unsupportive. We are now very LC but it took me 3 years to finally get rid.

Also following Dad's death I had very bad depression, I eventually found courage to go to the doctor, he didn't look up at me the whole time as he was typing on the computer, the only time he did look up at me was to say "promise me you won't go home and hurt your little baby"!
If anything I was overprotective of her but his comment made me paranoid that having depression meant they would take her off me so it took another 4 years until I went back to ask for help.

Ds arrived in style and we were a little shocked (undiagnosed breech- Labour was 2.5hours) we told our parents in a light hearted way. But we were in shock with a newborn.

SIL. Was in the area (45 mins from her house) and wanted to pop to hospital- we had said no visitors until we are ready. I couldn't feel my legs and was covered in blood!!! She took it well thankfully.

MIL not so understanding I was told to get over myself, we were being selfish, she was crying that she was unwanted and couldn't see the issue. I wanted to get home and shower, sit in my nighty cuddling my newborn with my husband and they could visit the following weekend. They aren't local.

So she came the sunday- our first day home. Snatched DS and ended the BF journey. We fought so hard to get it back and we managed it. Expects to be waited on. The family couldn't understand my injuries so I got snappy every time they tried to separate me from DS.

Another few visits like this until I snapped at DH it was my MH or his mothers he chose me. He stands up to her more now thankfully.

I've said if we have baby 2 they aren't knowing a thing until it's a couple of weeks old.

My mother (who lives OS) texted me that she didn't like DS1's name and that I should consider changing it. This happened as I was in the postnatal ward after having been awake and in labour for 48hrs straight.

@cadburyegg a ‘cold’ was my MILs favourite attention seeking illness. When FIL was dying she complained that none of the visitors to him had asked about her cold (she didn’t have a cold) including the doctors.

My Dsis got jealous the day I left hospital after a week long stay which ended in a section and haemorrhage then laid into us both because someone on the street had seen my DS before her.

Her own decisions had led to her jealousy.

Even though she had a week to come and see me in hospital but chose a ‘date night’ instead.

She then spent next two years having tantrums about everything if she wasn’t centre of attention.
We didn’t talk for years and even now I can’t let it go she hurt me that much!

Some things can’t be forgiven

@IncludeWomenInThePrequel

This happened to me also! So bad! ... I really wanted to breastfeed but baby was finding it hard to latch on.. a nurse came over and said "do you have any formula with you as you can just give her that"
I gave her formula and then nobody helped to establish breastfeeding..it was during covid and I felt like it was my fault for having a baby during covid as they were short staffed and busy

@Cheeseandlobster

Dp's friends awful girlfriend told me ds was going to hell because I wasn't getting him christened.

My MIL said something very similar. She also said if we didn't want Jesus looking over our child, we didn't want or need her. She was right, she rarely see our DC 🙂

Forced her way into the delivery room while I was in the middle of having my floof stitched after a very traumatic birth just so she could see the baby. I was too drained to argue. Big regret of mine.

Aren’t MIL’s a delight 😆

Daily messages from DM TELLING me she was going to come pick up DD (1 years old) so we could bond with newborn DS. Didn't appreciate having to tell her no everyday for 4 weeks! An offer would have been nice, but the wording was very assertive and matter of fact.

I went on my first girls night out a couple of months after my son was born. I’d got a new top, hair all done and felt good about myself. Had a good night.
Once we finished in the club we headed to the food shop....as you do. Some random guy in there said I looked like Adele (when she was big) and could I sing him a song. I said no and I’d never been told I looked like Adele, laughed it off. Then he said “you are fat though aren’t you”
Usually I’d have let rip at him but I was feeling really fragile and sensitive from the hormones still, I just didn’t know what to say. It really upset me. I went in a diet after that and lost a couple of stone....put it all back on now as I’ve just had my second child lol.
What a prick though!

Mother in law told me all baby weight from stomach during pregnancy had dropped to thighs.

Not a newborn baby post.. but last week my know it all, older sister came round and watched me change my 5 month old babies nappy... she said "what are doing.. that's too loose!!! You're not doing her nappies properly look at that!!" I said I knew how to change a babies nappy! And that I like to do them quite loose, id rather have to change a leak than for her to feel uncomfortable from a nappy that's too tight! Bear in mind im 30 years old, I worked in a nursery for 4 years changing 30 nappies a day and have changed my own babies nappy ten times a day in the last 5 months! I think I know what I'm doing thank you!!!!

When my first baby was born we were living on a yacht in the tropics. He was a few days old and I was struggling to change a nappy on a sloping chart table on a rocking yacht. There was a knock on the hull and my DH went up to chat to visitors. Unfortunately he invited them onboard and down they came to see me dressed in nothing but knickers, sweating in the heat and high humidity with a poo covered baby and no free hands to do anything. The smartly dressed (childless) visitors were old acquaintances we had last seen several years ago. It was the most awkward hug ever though tactfully they retreated pretty quickly. My DH was blissfully unaware that he had done anything wrong...

@Newbabynewhouse

Not a newborn baby post.. but last week my know it all, older sister came round and watched me change my 5 month old babies nappy... she said "what are doing.. that's too loose!!! You're not doing her nappies properly look at that!!" I said I knew how to change a babies nappy! And that I like to do them quite loose, id rather have to change a leak than for her to feel uncomfortable from a nappy that's too tight! Bear in mind im 30 years old, I worked in a nursery for 4 years changing 30 nappies a day and have changed my own babies nappy ten times a day in the last 5 months! I think I know what I'm doing thank you!!!!

I used to work in a nursery, too, and often saw babies with tight, tight diapers and the parents saying the poor baby had reflux. Funny, they didn’t have it when the diaper was looser on the tummy, but some parents are going to do what they do, and argue. All we could do is send them home in diapers that were snug, but not tight and tactfully mention that the baby had not had any reflux that day.

MIL called my baby with a name of a mass murderer coming from my part of the world. (Imagine Baby Bin Laden). She told me that she announced his birth as "Bin Laden was born" to her friends, neighbours and the rest of the family. She asked me about "little Bin Laden" for months until I picked the courage to complain.

My MIL announced the birth of DS2 on Facebook, hours after he was born, telling friends and family we hadn't told. No tag for us, I saw it. I also didn't want info like his date of birth on Facebook at all. Of course when confronted she cried and made herself the victim.

Moved from breast to bottle at 5m to prepare for return to work. My son had put a lot of weight in consistently list birth leading to people asking was I giving him rusks too! It levelled out but picked up again once on the bottle. A HV who was disliked by many said “well yes that will happen now he’s being artificially fed”. Utter cunt.

@goldierocks

Short walk to visit my parents when DS was 10 days old. I was recovering from an accident I'd had early in pregnancy, plus a third degree tear & sutures from the birth.

On the way home, at the top of a steep hill with an A road at the end of it, (ex) 'D'H gave the pram a big push and let go...the pram started rolling away at speed, with DS in it. I obviously ran after it, then burst into tears when I caught it (DS fast asleep).

Ex then screamed at me for making a scene and that it was my fault for not being able to take a joke.

@goldierocks what a sick sick man! I can see now why he’s an ex! Something like that would send my anxiety into another dimension!! You are well rid of him!!

There was nothing too bad, just four days after if given birth my fiancé’s brother wife and son came around to meet our son! They all let me sit on the hard coffee table (stitches on my bits and a huge burst cyst on my inner thigh and obviously still bleeding rather heavily) whilst they sat on the comfy sofa! I was in a world of pain! Not once did anyone offer to swap!