What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

@ImRhondaAndthesearentreal

A complete stranger kissed my newborn.

I didn't say anything to her, but when retelling the story I was told I was in the wrong for "making it something weird".

I just said I didn't like it, I hadn't made any suggestions about her motive.

A cleaner on the ward I was in picked up my baby without asking first, kissed her, then put her down. I was gobsmacked

@MarvellousMonsters Wow, the point of this thread has gone completely over your head hasn't it?

Walked in with a cigarette knowing full well I didn’t allow smoking in the house and then acted all offended when I flipped. Baby was days old and the person knew what reaction they would get.

I was in labour with my first. 80 hours with strong contractions every minute. (No exaggeration) I was in hospital after 14 hours of every minute contractions. I had scans, was made to have pethidine so I could sleep. I was so tired and had used up all of my energy. Baby was happy so they gave me option of C section. I declined. Anyway the sheer amount of texts I had 'u had baby yet?' 'Omg this is longest labour ever'
'Come on push harder'
My mum, dad stepmum all came amd praised how amazing I was for carrying on. My friends apologised instantly when they realised I was actually in labour all that time. My EX mil's first words were 'i had mine in an hour, what did you find so difficult?

I actually wanted to scream. My 3rd baby was 20 mins soooo 🖕🏼

Oh in a children hospital with my eldest but second was baby. A nurse asked me to feed somewhere 'more convenient' I asked her where? She said the toilet cubicles had just been cleaned!!!

Now exMIL bought bottles and formula and tried to insist that it was her right to feed my exclusively breastfed CMPA newborn normal formula milk as "a couple of times won't do any real damage"

@Hertsgirl10

Walked in with a cigarette knowing full well I didn’t allow smoking in the house and then acted all offended when I flipped. Baby was days old and the person knew what reaction they would get.

I enjoy the odd cigarette myself occasionally but never in my own home else DH would divorce me let alone anyone else's. it is awful that anyone would smoke in someone else's house at all, with a new baby it is beyond ignorant.

I found out my ex was seeing someone behind my back when my ds was 9 days old and in the nicu.
He then went on holiday with the ow whilst ds was still in the nicu.

@SparrowNest - funnily enough, no. She is utterly determined that there is no relationship on earth that can equal the love between a mother and her son.
The same MIL told me DD had "sex appeal" when she was just 3.
I ditched both the H and the MIL eventually.

My DM lived about three hours away from us when our twins were born. She asked if she could come and visit on a Saturday and we said yes, no problem. After a typically sleepless night on Friday night, I opened my eyes to see her and her mate staring down at me asleep! I felt so horrible and vulnerable at that moment.

Turned out that she'd come down on Friday night to stay with her mate who only lived an hour or so away, then they'd got up crazy early to come over to ours by 7am! She pretended that she didn't understand why I was upset ("But I said I was coming over on Saturday!") yes but not at 7am when I have newborn twins, and not with your mate! At the time she was making a habit of catching me off-guard and then swooping in to "help".

One day after my c section I walked down to meet my in laws with our baby outside the hospital (covid visiting problems), this was about 24 hours after my c section. I had asked them to bring some MAM dummies after a really rough night. Before MIL said anything else she said 'I can't believe the first thing you've asked for is a bloody dummy'. I was livid. I still am. Why the fuck I dragged my arse out of my hospital bed to let them meet him I will never know.

There have been many other comments about nappies not fitting, being a 'slow starter' with breastfeed etc. Makes me want to scream.

@TooTrusting

When I had a DS after my first baby being a DD. MIL told me "now you have a son, you will know how much a mother can love her child", then made some reference to "I know you love DD, but it's not the same".

I've heard this one before and just don't get it. Normally from mums of boys, weird!

The day after I'd had an emergency c section the in laws visited us. When I had to walk to the visiting room MIL decided it would be funny to do an impression of my pained walking and then laughed at me. It still bothers me to this day. I was so emotionally and physically vulnerable :(

My parents made me breastfeed my baby son in another room while everyone else went on eating and drinking in the living room - also my horrible sisters took the p*ss out of me over Xmas when I was 8 months pregnant, fat, uncomfortable, with indigestion and not able to eat or drink much - I hated them both

@Earthling1994

MIL reported me to social services because I was breastfeeding. She wanted me investigated for peadophilia and told me that breastfed babies die very quickly.

How bizarre. Is she completely mad?

It’s staggering the number of cold and rude HCP’s there are.

The MW I encountered when I was in labour with DS2 was one of the rudest I’ve ever met.
DH and MIL were driving home from a funeral 2 hours away when I had to go in. My lovely, lovely late FIL took me in. I was terrified as I’d had an awful time in my first birth with twins (ended up with the fun of forceps for DD1 and c-section for DD2) so FIL was keeping me calm while I panicked that DH wouldn’t make it.

He was perfectly respectful. He left the room when I was examined, other than one time when I asked him to stay. He said numerous times that he’d park his arse on the chair next to the bed or in the corridor or in Land’s End - wherever I wanted.

Yet this one nasty piece of work kept commenting on it being odd that he was there. Even when it was explained four times. It also had to be explained three times that no, I didn’t want to call my mother as a) she was dead and b) I was brought up by my grandparents due to my parents being abusive. After she loudly and rudely told him to “stay up there and not be creepy” when FIL was facing me and calming me through a panic attack he asked for someone else as he didn’t think she was helping the situation.

The next one that came was obviously annoyed at the situation so she didn’t say a single word to me. Just came in, examined me, then as she was walking out said I was 4cms and it would be ages.

An hour later DH and MiL arrived. FIL went to pick the older kids up from school. I kept saying I wanted to push so asked the Mw to check me again and they said no, it was too soon. After four requests I really could feel it and asked DH or MiL to have a look as I was sure DS was coming out. MIL squawked, told DH to move to the end of the bed and ran out. DH delivered DS before she got back (having had to actually shout at the MW and we’re convinced the MW was actually following her to throw her out!)

When we were being moved the first MW actually had a cheek to tell DH that someone should have pressed the buzzer, even though we had.

When I requested a home birth in my next pregnancy I said that I’d had an awful experience with them the two community midwives, who had been playing the “this is the risk of one, this is the risk of the other, you have to think carefully” devils advocate role said they weren’t surprised as soon as they heard the names and said if I felt up to it would I still complain. Even though it was a long time later they said they heard similar stories too often.

We had DD when we were quite young.

2 days after birth, DHs friend came round and the first thing he said when he entered the room

"Oh my god, what's wrong with your stomach, will it stay like that?"

And the horrible part was that I had no idea if it would go away or not. No one told me. I just had this weird saggy flop of skin.
I felt bloody awful!

And for any first time mums...

It's normal and it will go away! Lasted about a week!

When we adopted our son at 11 months my Auntie in law asked if he was some kind of social case or something.

Midwife in theatre recovery after spinal/general anaesthetic section and hysterectomy at the same time while I was having chemo for breast cancer when I woke up crying in pain “well you can’t have morphine if you want to breast feed” and another one from behind the curtain “oh it’s do sad, i can’t go in, that poor baby and that poor father, when she dies” three years later I’m still here. (That poor father’s been kicked into the long grass however).
Also got told I was abusing morphine when asking for painkillers because I couldn’t move after third section, major gynaecology surgery and generally feeling a bit shit - apparently I needed to ‘grit my teeth and get up and dressed and sit in the chair and look after the baby’ 2days after this particular shit show.
Pharmacist burst in and told me my baby would stop breathing if I took codeine for pain (the one i was formula feeding because i was on chemo for cancer) .
MIL told me I was fat 3 days postnatal after #1
She cried and didn’t want to hold the baby as “now you’ve done this I won’t see my son (ex dh) any more, you’re so selfish” she’s a piece of work.
When told we were expecting #2 “oh no, not another one” no hint of irony.
When I told her her son had beaten me up when I was ill and pregnant “oh dear, well you are such a strong person, and it’s so hard on him”.

This whole thread has shocked me. It’s been almost thirty years since mine, but I know a lot of mothers and two nurses who work in labor and delivery. I know everyone thinks the US is so expensive and crazy, but even our public hospitals, and people who receive Medicaid (government paid health care for lower income), every hospital I’ve heard of, all provide single rooms. I would have been horrified to have to share a space with anyone else, much less a ward? Rooms are small, like hotel rooms, but each invariably has a private bathroom. DH was allowed to stay the night and that was back then! Meals are usually lovely, from a menu. People who work near hospitals will often go to their dining halls for inexpensive, healthy lunches. Your midwives sound so mean! We have doctors and nurses, and some independent MWs, but any employee can be reported for mistreatment and the patients are protected. Midwives aren’t standard. Also, all 50 states have laws that allow BF mothers to BF ANYWHERE. You cannot be asked to go to a bathroom. You mothers on here deserve medals, every one of you. I am so impressed with the sacrifices made to bring DC into the world. Great, great mums on here.

My ex went out on the Friday and didn’t return till the Sunday because he was ‘wetting the baby’s head’. Left me with his monster of a mother for 2 days, confused, hormonal and very upset.

@0nlyMe

The day after my 1st caesarean, my sil announced very loudly that my stomach was still massive. I was sitting in my hospital bed in the ward.

@OnlyMe SNAP! 24hrs after c-section SiL says “Are you sure you’ve had him? You’re HUGE”. At same visit BiL comes onto ward with blackened hands (he’s a builder) so I suggest he wash them before holding newborn. This must’ve upset him as we’re still getting sarky hand washing comments years later.

My SIL announced the birth of my first born on Facebook. She wrote “I’m an auntie!!! congratulations to my brother and his partner on the birth of my niece”. This was 15 mins after I’d had an emergency c section!!!!

We’d only text close family in the early hours of the morning to let them know everything was fine. I woke up to lots of messages of congratulations from friends and family who heard through a post on my SIL bloody face book page!!!

She didn’t even put my name or tag me in the post. I was “my brothers partner” in the post announcing the birth of my own child. We have lots of mutual friends and family.

Think the worst part was my MIL replying to the post saying congratulations. You’ll be an amazing auntie. Such a lucky baby having yous as an auntie.

WTF!!!

I was chatting to the postman shortly after having my first child. He asked what I had had. I told him I'd had a boy.

Postman said 'That's the best. Those Inuits knew how to deal with baby girls, they just left them out on the snow to die'.

The day after a 28hr labour with 3 hours of pushing, I was so stiff and in pain that I could barely stand or move. My parents and sister and her bf came round and by the time I had limped down the stairs they'd taken up every chair in the (small) living room. Not a single person, even DH, offered me a seat. I made them tea then stood for over an hour as I figured if I sat on the floor I'd never get up.

When DS was about 4 months old, a friend and his new gf came round for an early dinner. And stayed. And stayed. No amount of hints about how little sleep we were getting or how much we had to do could shift them. All the gf could do was say what a natural mum she would be when she had kids and how she wouldn't find it hard like I was. Eventually at 9pm I took DS up to put him to bed saying cheerily, I expect you won't be here when I get back down so bye then! Needless to say they were still there an hour later when I returned. I simply said to DH, come on we're going to bed

If I may ask, is this man still your husband??