What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

Just thought of another. When DD1 was 3 months we were invited by a friend to a Scottish country house holiday with a mixed bunch of two generations - the son and his friends (who had invited us) and his parents and their friends. It was quite a formal affair at mealtimes, including a proper sit down cooked breakfast at a set time.
On the first morning I was instructed by the main host (my friend's mother) not to bring the baby to breakfast as the older men wouldn't like it.
I was mortified. To be fair my friend was really embarrassed but it made me feel so unwelcome to have to hide away while everyone else had a jolly breakfast together (it wasn't an issue at dinner because she was asleep by then).

@FortniteBoysMum my dad still insists on calling my DD his little girl 😡 🙄

Not a terrible story, just a funny one...

DS was just a few weeks old and suffering from colics on and off. I was in a supermarket when he started crying. A very exotic glamorous women approached me and asked kindly if DS had colics. I told her that he did and that we tried 'everything'. She smiled knowingly and told me that she can teach me an old method that her mother taught her ages ago when she herself had a baby. I was so intrigued and so grateful, I was expecting some little known secret from an far away land... She then told me to hold him over my shoulder and gently pat his back

I was so speechless that all I could do was to thank her and look very grateful...

My DM told me I was a lazy mother and that it was my 'duty' to breastfeed when we finally decided to give my DS formula after struggling with breastfeeding and DS at 14% weightloss... She didn't speak to me after that for nine months...

My first DS was born 9 weeks premature. He also had a problem with his skull & was in special care for first 2 weeks.
A friend said 'oh it must be so nice not to have the baby home crying at night'.

I was feeling exhausted travelling to & from hospital twice a day (in the snow) & expressing milk. Was passing clots which I told the midwife at the hospital each time I went in. They told me all was fine & stop fussing.
I haemorrhaged & had to have an emergency d&c.
We then had several months travelling back & forth to GOS hospital for his skull until given the all clear. He's a healthy wonderful 25 year old now.

A member of DH family bottle feeding baby at 4 weeks, this was after we'd had a conversation about people bottle feeding her and me saying it would just be me and DH doing it for now. I was struggling to bf, had a horrendous c section recovery and it was done when I was out of the room, I found out later that day when they mentioned it to me. Still to this day not sure what was going through their head at the time. They certainly didn't give a toss about what a struggling new mum would think.

I hope you’re in a much better place now my love 🙏

Dc1. I had absolutely raging PND which was making me behave in a manner most unlike myself. Dc was under 8 weeks old at this point. I had a totally miserable pregnancy health wise and probably in hindsight had undiagnosed antenatal depression. Anyway....

Family member who is an absolute cow rang me to tell me that the whole family had been talking about me and everyone decided that I needed to be told to pull myself together and get over myself.
Her comments tipped me over into puerperal psychosis and I was admitted to a mother and baby unit 2 days later. Unsurprisingly paranoia featured very heavily. With my mum and dh taking the brunt of it.
It wasn't until a long time later that I found out that actually my family hadn't all been colluding behind my back. And an even longer time later before I would actually accept it was the truth. Family member thought they were being 'helpful' and thought a bit of 'tough love' would help. I made it very clear to family member that I wanted nothing to do with them until they apologised.

Dc1 is now in secondary school and is just the most amazing child ever. I'm still waiting for the apology though

@Dragon50

Excited DH sent my mum a pic of me and baby in CS recovery.

Next day my mum told me how dreadful I looked. DH went nuts at her, made the rest of the visit a bit uncomfortable, though I was pleased at his intervention.

Same thing happened to me! What a blow to the confidence. I thought hours after a C Section would be the one time I was allowed to look a bit tired without being slagged off!! Apparently not

My work colleague's wife ran away from me with my 9 week old son in the trolley because she'd "heard he was deformed". He had recently been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis.

He wasn't deformed.. but even if he was...?!

*ran away from me in the supermarket, should have said

Out for first walk and a lady that worked in a shop poked!!!! My belly and said 'and you have to start your exercises'
After cooing over the baby in the pram

I was in the early days of BF my first when we went to a funeral. During the wake, I found a quiet room in the house to feed as I hadn't got the hang of doing it subtly.

Someone popped their head round the door on a self-guided house tour. 'Oh you're feeding a baby!' and then left.

No harm done.

She then came back with a gaggle of what I assume were relatives so show off the 'lovely lady feeding her baby'. Cue lots of cooing at me and praise for doing things the old-fashioned way.

I'm sure they meant well but trying to make polite conversation with a group of strangers, at a wake, whilst half dressed still seems like a fever dream. They just wouldn't leave.

Expected a Sunday lunch 10 days after a caesarean

All we could do is send them home in diapers that were snug, but not tight and tactfully mention that the baby had not had any reflux that day.

Actually that's something you should point out to parents, I bet loads of people would never put 2+2 together.

It was all done from kindness but it really pissed me off at the time.

Called DH to say that we had been discharged and could come home. DS had been in SCBU due to meconium aspirate so it was a pretty big thing that we could take him home.

MIL insisted on going to our house that day to undertake a forensic clean of everything. It was clean and tidy already. Nothing needed doing but she spent several hours hoovering, dusting and rearranging cupboards whilst I was getting more and more angry and frustrated about being sat ready to go home. Finally DP grew a backbone. But we didn't have a car so his DM drove him to the hospital to collect us.

And then we expected to be taken home. But no! We were taken to MIL's house where her sister had been all day preparing a roast dinner that we were trapped into staying to eat whilst all her relatives had arrived to see the new baby. Don't get me wrong, after a week in hospital a roast dinner was bloody lovely, but we just wanted to go home. I looked and felt like shit and just wanted to crawl into my bed.

We're now over 30 years on and she's a bloody brilliant MIL to me and GM to DS and I love her to bits. I can laugh about it now but at the time I felt really traumatised. If my DS ever has kids I definitely wont be doing anything like that.

MIL arranged for her ex-husband (FIL) to take me out for lunch leaving my newborn 1-week old twins with her alone for a couple of hours. I hadn’t yet established breastfeeding and had not recovered from c section so could hardly walk. It was all about her bonding with the babies. To his credit FIL clearly thought it was madness though we did what she said. I felt so vulnerable in hindsight and completely unable to say no. The funny thing is she never again offered to take the twins while I went out or had a break - they are 10 now She also turned up at the hospital with her brother on the same afternoon I had given birth (c-section) and I was totally out of it. I vaguely remember not feeling quite decent with boobs out. Some years later she said she didn’t think that was right (she’d had an operation and I think it made her reflect on it). However it was the turfing me out away from my 1-week old twins which I found much more upsetting than the hospital visit.

1st baby, 6years ago, 48hr labour, very nearly died. I needed stitches and the person doing them was returning to practice and I said ok to them doing the stitches as everyone has to learn/requalify/whatever. She was pulling faces in disgust and made racist comments about my skin colour and how she couldn't see what mess she was fixing in the "dark". Luckily I'd hardly torn and everything was back to normal in a couple of weeks but I've never forgotten her. I stopped her and requested someone else and made a formal complaint.

Second baby almost 2years ago, slightly shorter labour but also almost died. The placenta wasn't coming away. The midwife was so awful telling me I wasn't trying hard enough, it wasn't difficult and I was being stupid. I ended up having to have an epidural in theatre and the doctor had to forcibly rip the placenta away. It usually takes 30mins for the procedure but it took over 3hrs as it was so complicated. I was so frightened and ended up going into shock.

Another pretty bad one was eith dd. My boss knew the day I was induced. I'd tried to start maternity leave 5 times but they kept calling me in. He phoned when I was literally pushing dd out. Dp was furious. Then my boss phoned 8 days postpartum to ask when I'd be returning.

My God @Avery all of those experiences are horrendous.

@MontysMinions

Oh gosh they're all flooding back now.

After 4 days of being on a drip induced and not getting anywhere (or sleeping) I was finally given a spinal and episiotomy with catheter. I've had a few surgeries in my time and tend to get UTIs with a catheter.

We were kept in for a week as DS had an infection. On day 3 I realised I had a pretty bad UTI that meant I was desperate to go every 5-10 mins for tiny amounts but due to my episiotomy couldn't get to the only loos at the end of the corridor very quickly.

I asked for a commode and was told by the night midwife that I should be up on my feet anyway and the exercise will do me good. I cried trying to hold it in and hobbling quickly down to the loo but kept starting to go before I got there. Said midwife then knocked violently on the door as I was trying to get a sample to prove I had an infection shouting that I had 'got piss everywhere' (not true as it was only trickles anyway).

She rushed me back to the bed and said if I was going to make a point of pissing myself then she'd guess she'd have to get me a commode - like I'd done it on purpose. But she refused to empty it through the night so I was either forced to sleep (with DS) in a cubicle smelling of wee or empty it myself.

Day 4 I mentioned that the bedsheets hadn't been changed since I was there and I was a bit concerned as there was a build up of blood and general grime on the sheets. Was helpfully given new sheets so I could change the bed myself!

Last day I felt that I had more pain than I should around my stitches and asked to be checked. It was the vile midwife from overnight who tutted and had a look. I had got an infection and she commented (in front of my in laws who had come back into the cubicle after my examination-I love them and didn't mind) "well, the infection will be a result of the piss running down your leg when you refused to go to the toilet down the hall like everyone else" then, looking at mother in law "honestly, I've never known a new mother make such a big fuss over everything, is she always like this?".

Luckily my MIL is just fantastic and without a beat said "I've only ever known her to make a fuss when faced with either utter incompetence or sheer stupidity...I'm still trying to work out which of the two you fit". Midwife's face was a picture and MIL requested the head midwife visit before we left to listen to me and my experience. Legend.

Awful experience for you and what a woeful example that midwife was but…hooray for your mil…I am cheering her and hope the nasty midwife thought twice before trying to humiliate a woman in her care again.

Some really horrific stories on here - how awful the treatment of new mums by family members. I will never do it to my daughter / daughter in law - will always put them first in those vulnerable first months no matter how besotted I am by the baby!

MIL gave my 3 week old baby cream egg fondant,dd was my first baby and was breast fed.When I found out i didnt know what to do,cry be angry I just went home and cried,I'd left her for 1hr to go to my grandmother's funeral!In 1 hour she had given her sweet cream egg fondant and had tried to get a bottle of milk formula down her ,when I'd breast fed her just before I'd left.To this day i dont know where she got the bottle or milk.
I was the odd 1 out,ALL her 3 daughters had bottle fed their babies so I was the weirdo apparently!

@Lulu777 it was awful. However I've had many losses prior to having living babies so I try and look at how lucky I am.

Although at one of my miscarriages my ex and I were told there was no heartbeat, the sonographer turned to me and said "remember he (ex) will really need looking after" wtf?!

@Gertie75

Also following Dad's death I had very bad depression, I eventually found courage to go to the doctor, he didn't look up at me the whole time as he was typing on the computer, the only time he did look up at me was to say "promise me you won't go home and hurt your little baby"! If anything I was overprotective of her but his comment made me paranoid that having depression meant they would take her off me so it took another 4 years until I went back to ask for help.

What a stupid uneducated twat. I can't imagine how upsetting that situation was.

Similarly after I had DD2 I had terrible PND, and my anxiety was sky, GP refused my usual medication on the grounds that he didn't want a 'floppy baby on his hands'. My anxiety loved that.