To give up my kids?

[rghltifndn]

I’m a single mum of 3.

One a toddler, one with additional needs.

I just cannot cope anymore.

I have no support network.

No family or friends probably because I am a horrible person with mental health issues.

No input from ex.

I fantasise about committing suicide on a daily basis because I can’t cope with how relentless my life is.

I never, ever get a break.

Oldest and youngest have sleep issues so I barely get any sleep.

I can’t go on.

They would be better off without me but l don’t know how to go about doing this.

You are amazing. You are strong and I’m proud of you. Positive vibes and huge virtual hugs. I don’t know how you’ve had the strength but you have and look at the outcome … things are far more positive you have a plan in place some adult contact and sleep 😴 amazing hun I’ve followed and read lots on your post and I’m so happy you are going from strength to strength your kids are so lucky to have you. In adversity you have shone even from your darkest times lots of love 💕 😘

You are a warrior! 💪

So pleased to read your updates! And yes, having no chance of seeing any light at the end of the tunnel, because you couldn't see the tunnel itself, resonated deeply here. ( I've found myself knowing any light from the tunnel I can't see, is likely to be the headlights of the oncoming train!)
Keep doing what you're doing and don't focus too much on the longer term future at the moment. They say God laughs when me make plans. You've done really well pulling things together and accessing resources.
I just gave up everything to keep my children out of care and pay next weeks rent, when my partner disappeared without warning after he stopped being able to cope with our AN situation, but with hindsight I could have done a lot better for all of us if I'd allowed the situation to settle and looked at what could be salvaged from the wreckage. You're spot on in recognizing you're way to fragile for those decisions right now.

Co-sleeping was also a life saver here. Age wasn't as important as me getting that precious extra two hours even of disturbed sleep, they woke at 12pm, and 4 am on the nail, but co sleeping meant a cuddle and back to some sleep instead of a midnight battle and early start every day.

I accept that my partner genuinely stopped being able to cope, but I still remember thinking "Well how nice to bloody well have the choice." and the disbelief that they thought the state should be my first call not them.

So pleased to read your happier update OP. I'm a single mum with a daughter with ASD it's tough!

poppymaewrite

Definitely look at a voluntary foster placement for your kids- call your local council and speak to social services.

Apart from that, consider having an au pair for example, if you have a spare room? Could help out with kids!“

What?

Posters looking for places to offer help: does your GP have a social prescriber on their team? If they do, consider contacting them and volunteering your time, friendship, etc.

The social prescription idea idea is really good when it works, and as someone providing free creative opportunities to others I've seen what a difference it can make to others, but now that I need help, my experience is there's a lack of practical help on offer owing to a lack of volunteers to proffer it, and while someone calling to ask how I am, is well meant, it's just one more thing for me to deal with, whereas
what I (and others) need is the equivalent of good neighbors who'd do the most simple things that would get me out of hospital, like be at my flat for a fridge and refrigerated medicine to be delivered so it's one less thing stopping me getting discharged, or chopping a couple of foot off the top of a a bush that's shot up and is being complained about by another tenant while I'm stuck in hospital unable to cut it it, and I'm gathering anti social/ failure to maintain notices on my tenancy, or a weird one; collecting cornflakes boxes, and 2 litre 'coke/lemonade' bottles and popping them in my 'bin' so I have the materials I need and don't loose the one bit of paid work I still have, while I'm in hospital and unable to collect up these resources for myself! I have a standing arrangement to pick up a sack of any shiny 'ragged' clothing from a local charity shop once a month that we use for projects, but it's getting chucked out because I'm in hospital and there's no one to just pick it up and either store it or drop it at mine.

There's lots of people like me who've always been everyone else's support network, but don't have one of their own when they need it, because they've slowly lost all their non disabled friends etc, for whom a tiny bit of occasional practical voluntary help channeled through these sort of schemes would make such a difference.

Just read all your posts @rghltifndn and wow you are AMAZING. I'm a teacher to and know how stressful it is but I'd encourage you not to give it up. Having the holidays means less childcare expenses in the long run. I'm sure you'll be OK in your job if you let them know how much you are struggling or have struggled over the holidays. Tbh you really must tell them so they can help you and avoid stressing you out even more. You truly are a superstar! Reading how much your Outlook has changed has cheered me up so much! ❤️

Couldn’t read this thread without posting. I feel really moved and humbled by it. You are dealing with so much and you have hung in there and taken the courageous step of asking for help. You say they are small steps but the way I’m reading it, it sounds like giant leaps - it might not feel it but your courage is inspiring.

I want to share two things:

Co-sleeping worked really well for me. It meant I got sleep. DC eventually wanted his own bed and sleeps really well so don’t worry about any pressure to get him to sleep separately until it feels like the right time.

Your well-being is now THE priority - the rest will follow. It’s so good to hear you are getting support with that. I don’t know how much pressure you might feel to go back to work but please don’t until you feel completely ready. Teaching takes an enormous amount of emotional and physical energy and you need what you have for you and the kids.

Sending you masses of respect and awe for what you are managing to do. Best of luck with it all.

How are you doing OP?

You will get there, one day you will look back and see how far you have come. Fingers crossed for you and it's brilliant to read your updates and that things are improving🙂

I'm so glad you have sought and been given support. I hope things get better for you now.

I'm glad you're getting support.

I'm so pleased you are getting support op and feel as though things are turning in the right direction. Sending you all the best

Hi everyone,

I thought I’d do an update just incase anyone wondered how we’re doing. (And to thank everyone for their support and suggestions)

I’m currently on Day 44 since I begged for support. (I’m counting as it reminds me to take one step at a time and also how many days I’ve battled to stay alive despite feeling suicidal way back in August)

I feel as if I’m still making slow progress.

I still have a support worker and other support in place. They have helped tremendously. My home life feels a lot more organised now and this is helping me to stay calm.

All of my kids are now in full-time nursery/school. I do feel a bit guilty as my toddler doesn’t really need to go as I’m still off work but the time to myself during the school day has been really helpful and I guess that full-time nursery and a happy mummy is better for DC than how I was before.

Work have been great even though I’m still off. My boss has been making suggestions on how best they can support my return

OP - I'm so pleased to read your update, thank you for posting it.

So sorry OP to hear what you are going through. I am in two minds to recommend social services as I have a friend who has had a terrible time with SS, she needed help and they ended up restricting access to her kids. However, if you are seriously having suicidal thoughts then I would recommend contacting social services and asking them to put in a support plan. Wishing you all the very best. Take care 💞

Well done OP.
Asking for help is the bravest and most difficult thing we can do.
I'm so happy to hear how well you're doing. Feel proud 😊

Slow progress is still progress! I think sleep can make such a huge difference to mental health. Don't feel bad about kids in full time nursery, you really needed the break and they'll be having lots of fun there and get to have a happier mum as a result. Msy your progress continue

@rghltifndn

Thank you for this.

I am a regular poster but have changed my name as I feel so ashamed.

I posted here as called my local crisis team this morning and they are in meetings and will call when they can. This is despite hearing how distressed I am.

The only reason I haven’t yet comitted suicide is because I am scared of where my kids will end up. I think if I knew what would happen to them, and that they’d be ok, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I can’t do years of this life.

I have contacted GP a while ago, he is helpful and prescribed anti-depressants.

The health visitor has also been helpful but her response is that if my ex doesn’t want to engage there is nothing I can do. True but unhelpful to hear.

It makes me so angry that men can just walk away from their kids and nothing is done to help.

Please don't kill yourself. Bring a single parent is really hard , even with one child, never mind three. You are all your children have... Even if they are being 'Norty' they love you , they haven't a dad who is in their lives, and you will be their everything. I had an ex husband who was bad as seeing our son because he was always ''Working''.

NOW, the boot is on the other foot.....and he wants to see son, now son is an adult!...But son still feels ambivalent about dad because he remembers when dad wasn't there for him.

I asked a solicitor about my ex and enforcing access but solicitor said ''No court will force a man to see his children''

I'm sorry it is so painful and probably lonely for you too...
But you are not alone.

@rghltifndn
Meetings

urgh...always in Meetings, endless waffle and no action.

to have come as far as you have is really fantastic to hear. Hope you are rightly proud of yourself, good luck

Happy you're doing better even if a little bit. Small steps gradually make big changes. Please stay strong you sound like a lovely caring loving mum. The best thing your kids have and need. Try to get as much rest as possible when they're at school or nursery. Do not do anything that will tire u out. You really need to be kind to yourself.

I just read your post and glad things are looking a little better. It is hard to think straight without enough sleep and worry.

rghltifndn, it is great to read your update. You seem to have achieved so much in the 44 days