To give up my kids?

[rghltifndn]

I’m a single mum of 3.

One a toddler, one with additional needs.

I just cannot cope anymore.

I have no support network.

No family or friends probably because I am a horrible person with mental health issues.

No input from ex.

I fantasise about committing suicide on a daily basis because I can’t cope with how relentless my life is.

I never, ever get a break.

Oldest and youngest have sleep issues so I barely get any sleep.

I can’t go on.

They would be better off without me but l don’t know how to go about doing this.

OP, you should be so proud of yourself. Your kids are lucky to have a fighter like you as their Mum. You are 100% right, your kids are so much better in full time nursery and letting you have the time you need. There are millions of people in the world and you are the only one taking responsibility for your kids, you are doing what needs to be done and should be applauded. Keep taking it day at a time. We are all hear cheering you on. Things will get better. Keep going

I hope you're really proud of yourself. Life can sometimes just overwhelm you - and you've reached out for help when you needed it most.

Keep fighting - and keep talking. You're doing really well

I'm so glad to read your update. You should be so proud of yourself. Well done.

Sending you and .

I haven't read the full thread (just your posts) but wondered if anyone had signposted to the teachers' wellbeing charity Education Support? They have a helpline you could ring just to chat and see if there's anything that they could help you with - even just talking to someone about how to manage your job and mental health.

Only just seen your thread- I’m so glad to see you’re getting some help and things are a bit easier. Being a single parent is so hard.

I'm so pleased to read your update. It's not always easy top ask for help. You should be really proud of yourself.

Thank you for updating OP. I'm so pleased to see this as I followed the original post and felt sad for you, such was your cry for help.
Sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
Also sounds like you're getting the support you need and great for the toddler to be socialising with other children while you are getting some headspace at home. And fantastic that your work is supportive.
You got this, as the Americans would say.

Really pleased to hear that things have improved for you. It just shows that things can be turned round with solid, practical help and a listening ear.

You are amazing - you've done so much for your children and they can be very proud of you. Such strength - I'm glad that there's light at the end of your tunnel.

Keep going. Ps don't make any hasty decisions about your career - take all the time you need - maybe make tentative steps to return when you feel able & take it from there. Permanent part time teaching jobs are quite rare but your mental health & family are more important.

Take care.xx

Sending hugs OP.

Please phone social services and ask for help. I was a foster carer for several years and did quite a lot of work with women like you, ranging from daytime care to night times at weekends, to regular weeks with one family, where the Mum was extremely suicidal and had made many attempts to take her own life.
Her thinking was very skewed at the time, and she felt that as her children were so happy to stay with me, they would be ok if she died. They would not have been alright. They needed and wanted their mum, and though I was a good substitute, and I loved them, I could never have lived up to her, ever. All I can say is that because that woman had the courage to pick up the phone and tell social services she needed some help, she recovered, her children have grown up to be loving and successful adults, and she is a Grandma to a beautiful child. Her last suicide attempt was when her children were 2 and 4, and they are in their thirties now.
Please ask for help. It does get better, and your children need YOU more than you know.

Your update made me weepy, OP - well done you.

You're doing such hard, necessary work to make things better for yourself (and by extension, your children).

I'm also so glad that the support systems were there for you, as you hear so often about when they weren't - I wish my mum had had the same when she felt like you did (she's still here and happy now, but she was very unwell for 15 years and it makes so sad thinking back for her!).

OP - I am amazed how you have pulled through that crisis, turning a situation around can feel daunting at the best of times never mind when you are so crushed as you were. I am beyond thrilled your situation is not as dire and you have steps ahead and chinks of optimism shining in.
I come to mumsnet for many reasons but reaching out to people in times of need is one, I've often felt when particularly touched by someone that I wished I could do something more practical, your updates have tole me about something I knew nothing of so I'm looking at volunteering for home start locally as I have time I could give.
I hope the ripple effect from your courage and search for a way forward continues to increase and amplify in your own life and those you come into contact with. Your children are lucky to have you and I'm sure they will recognise your spirit as a great example as time goes by.
Wishing you all the best (and hope you find a decent friend - you deserve that!)

OP, your update is wonderful! I’m so glad you posted here and reached out, you are an amazing mum.
With co-sleeping, who cares how your do it, it works for you and won’t be the same in 20years so do whatever helps for now.

OP, I only just saw this thread today and I was reading your first post with a horrible feeling.

My Mum thought we'd be better of without us and did try to commit suicide a few times. I can honestly say that I didn't care about her mental health issues, I didn't care we were poor and had no money for anything. I needed my Mum and I love her so much and that's what I wanted/needed as a child.

I am so so pleased to see your update, it sounds like things are slowly but surely going in the right direction and your work are being very supportive.

Good luck, take it slowly and make sure you look after yourself

"I guess that full-time nursery and a happy mummy is better for DC than how I was before."

Abso-bloody-lutely! Well done for asking for help, that's always the hardest part.

Well done op. Such positive update.
Your doing a. Great job, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, you really are.
I can see the difference just by reading through your posts.
Keep going you've got this.

Must be one of the most valuable threads I've ever read. Thank you, OP, you will have helped many many people immensely.

I've been where you are. it was getting help that saved me. I hope life continues to improve for you.

that is a great update. Dont feel guilty about having time off when the little on is in nursery - you need time to just wind down, especially with the demands of a kid with ASD

I'm so happy and proud for you that you are still here, making progress and taking all the help you can get. Wonderful that you are getting some time by yourself to recover, no need to feel guilty about that. Big hugs to you. Don't be pushed into going back to work before you are really able.

Amazing work OP you should be so so proud of yourself, you don't feel guilty about sending your toddler to nursery at all, it's what is best for you all as a family, but your boss sounds incredible too its really refreshing to hear of how they're dealing with it!

Keep on taking care of yourself and always remind yourself of how far you have come and how hard you have fought for you and your children because it's amazing.

And here's hoping your twat of an ex husband gets his comeuppance good and proper

Great update OP, well done to you.

Please try not to feel guilty about your children going to nursery, it's ok, really! You are doing what's best for them by taking better care of yourself. Be proud xx

Well done. Oh so well done. To seek help when you felt so bad must have been really tough. Please feel no guilt about the nursery place. I am so pleased that you got it. Take your time, accept all the help, stand up to your ex, I wonder about approaching his parents direct? Don’t beg them for help spending time with grandchildren is a blessing and a privilege, but offer them that opportunity.
Please don’t make hasty decisions about your job. it is stressful, but with sleep and more support, it may be much more manageable, and your own struggles will make you a better teacher. On the other hand though, of course prioritise your children and your mental health.
You are an inspiration.

I got melatonin for one child and it saved my sanity. Also ask for a disability social worker, respite from short breaks. You might be able to claim DLA which could mean you have extra money to get some extra childcare, or get a cleaner or just take the pressure off in some way.

You were so brave to post this feeling as you did, and thanks so much for your updates, I'm so happy to see that everything is getting better. You are in a really hard situation, and I must say how much I admire you for fighting your way out of a very dark place.