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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give up my kids?

275 replies

rghltifndn · 07/08/2021 08:18

I’m a single mum of 3.

One a toddler, one with additional needs.

I just cannot cope anymore.

I have no support network.

No family or friends probably because I am a horrible person with mental health issues.

No input from ex.

I fantasise about committing suicide on a daily basis because I can’t cope with how relentless my life is.

I never, ever get a break.

Oldest and youngest have sleep issues so I barely get any sleep.

I can’t go on.

They would be better off without me but l don’t know how to go about doing this.

OP posts:
bowchickawowwoww · 07/08/2021 11:20

I'm in the same position (except I'm not at that point) I want to send you a massive virtual hug first of all.
Second please ask social services for some help. They can access help for you that you'll not get offered otherwise.
They won't judge you.
Maybe some rest bite care? Also any other services you or they feel you would need.
Please stay strong Thanks
Keep coming back to this thread to chat op, you're not alone xx

KateF · 07/08/2021 11:20

Forgot to say, if your toddler is in nursery please talk to their keyworker or the manager (whoever you feel comfortable with). They will want to help. If you were the mum of one of my key children I would do whatever I could to support you and my manager would be right there too.

KhalliWhalli · 07/08/2021 11:21

Sleep is crucial! Can you get a prescription for melatonin for the DC? It was life-changing for us when our SEN DC had sleep problems.

Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 11:23

I'm sorry, rghltifndn, and not surprised you are overwhelmed. I hope the Crisis team are helpful today, they exist for people like yourself. Everyone needs a helping hand sometimes.

Flowers
Original poster
rghltifndn · 07/08/2021 11:24

Thanks again everyone.
I am still in Reception at the Crisis Team offices.

They are currently organising a transfer to the mental health team at the local hospital

OP posts:
TrueRefuge · 07/08/2021 11:33

Good luck OP.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 07/08/2021 11:33

@rghltifndn

Thanks again everyone. I am still in Reception at the Crisis Team offices.

They are currently organising a transfer to the mental health team at the local hospital

Well done. Keep going... you can do this.
Justcashnosweets · 07/08/2021 11:39

I hope you get the help you need and deserve OP. Best of luck. Flowers

Nevernottrying · 07/08/2021 11:39

I just want to send you a hug and tell you to hang in there .You are your children’s whole world and no one would do a better job of caring for them than you. Mental health is not something to ever be ashamed of, it’s an illness and beyond your control. I really hope you can get the help and support you need. Take care.

JaneyGotAGun · 07/08/2021 11:40

Thinking of you OP, good luck Flowers

Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 11:40

Good update, rghltifndn. You've taken the first step.

RandomMess · 07/08/2021 11:43
Thanks

All credit to you to taking responsibility for yourself and seeking help. It is so ridiculously hard to get anywhere.

I hope you get the help you need short and long term.

notactuallylolling · 07/08/2021 11:44

OP, I really feel for you! I think it’s amazing that you are trying so hard to tackle this head on, that takes guts so don’t underestimate how string you are even if it doesn’t feel like it. Good luck, we are here (I know that isn’t practical help) for moral support whenever you need it! Xxx

123fushia · 07/08/2021 11:51

Wow- that is a great, positive start. You’ve got yourself there and help will follow I’m sure. Don’t under estimate how much strength and courage you are showing.
You are under a great deal of stress with layers of different issues yet you have managed to get to the offices there. Just take one hour at a time.

toolazytothinkofausername · 07/08/2021 11:56

You are truly amazing. I wish so much I could give you a hug.

Comedycook · 07/08/2021 12:01

I think you are really brave and really sensible asking for help. You are a human being....we all have a point at which we can no longer cope. Flowers

Porcupineintherough · 07/08/2021 12:02

There are women on here (and more in rl) who have given up their children to fostering or adoption because their mental health was so poor that they were not the right person to parent them. It is a last resort, not to be done lightly (because it may never be in their best interest to be returned to you) but it is a resort, it is something you can choose. If you feel you are getting to that stage then best be brutally honest w ss about that. That should jump start them into supporting you if nothing else does (note, they may tell you that you cant give up your children but the truth is you can, esp if your mental health is so bad that, say, you need admissionto an in patient unit).

Career wise remember that having a career break because circumstances mean you need to prioritize your mh for a bit doesnt mean the end of your career - at least not in fields like teaching.

Thurlow · 07/08/2021 12:11

Huge well done Flowers I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but you’ve taken an enormous and very, very brave step today. We’re all proud of you x

Mayhemmumma · 07/08/2021 12:14

You've done exactly the right thing, sadly you will have to shout for help even when you feel your worst.

But look you're suicidal but got up out of bed, got dressed probably organised your children too and went and sought help - you are stronger than you know. Good luck

Elleherd · 07/08/2021 12:26

I just need a break and the opportunity to get better.
Precisely, and some survival mechanism is kicking in to remind you of that, so even though you feel at the end of coping, another part of you knows what you need, and amazingly still has the strength to seek it.

You are doing the right thing in demanding help now. All of those things to do with being a teacher, career, shame, other's screwy opinions of MH, etc aren't important and most will turn out not to be what you thought they were. You and your children are all that matter. Everything else can be rebuilt, rescued or walked away from as needed.

Use whatever friendship and support good random folk here are offering you as well as the professional stuff you need.

Alone and collapsing from unsupported physical illness and suffering shame around my disability and inability to navigate the system, I've recently reached out and received so much support and useful information that has helped me to navigate and survive what had become out of my control, and was killing me. I can see the genuineness of all these people here (inc myself) wanting to do the same for you.

My Dc are now adult SN (inc ASD) and when folk say can you get someone to do XYZ? no I can't there is no one, and no money to throw at it, so other solutions must be found because I don't have the resources that others might take for granted.
But when out of ideas, knowledge and strength, others here will step up with theirs and there is so much experience of the things we think we are alone in.
We are all real people behind the typed words and it turns out that when the people who ought to care don't, the void is filled by those who choose to.

You are rightly taking control of an impossible situation that you are being subjected to that is beyond endurance and you will somehow find your way through. You "just need a break and the opportunity to get better. Flowers

beigebrownblue · 07/08/2021 12:27

@rghltifndn

I’m a single mum of 3.

One a toddler, one with additional needs.

I just cannot cope anymore.

I have no support network.

No family or friends probably because I am a horrible person with mental health issues.

No input from ex.

I fantasise about committing suicide on a daily basis because I can’t cope with how relentless my life is.

I never, ever get a break.

Oldest and youngest have sleep issues so I barely get any sleep.

I can’t go on.

They would be better off without me but l don’t know how to go about doing this.

Please hang in there love. Remember Samaritans freephone number, day or night. You can phone them three times a day if you need to.

Free

116 123

That is what they are there for.

Your kids need you. They need their mum.

You can do this.

gogohm · 07/08/2021 12:28

There is help, there's also people out there, individuals, Mumsnetters who potentially could help you in real life too, I wish there was a better mechanism for those of us fortunate to have time to spare to offer to help people close to us geographically. Your local area covid support group might be able to connect you (just a 2 hours weekly break can make a huge difference). Social services is there to help you stay together as a family even if that means temporary foster care, regular respite even. Your job should not be affected long term but you need time to heal, just like if it was a physical illness. Your exhaustion is what comes across. I wish I could help you more, if you are local to here

LakieLady · 07/08/2021 12:33

My heart goes out to you, OP, and you are doing exactly the right thing by seeking help now.

I hope you get the help you need. In the longer term, there is a teaching charity who once helped a friend of mine by giving her a grant for respite care for her children, who had additional needs. When you're feeling stronger, it might be worth looking into.

Tistheseason17 · 07/08/2021 12:36

I am a stranger and I care about you.
People do care.
MH is real. I hope you get the support you need today.
Do not go back to work in Sept if you are struggling - get signed off. Let children go where they would if you were at work and get rest.
Ask council for respite support - it is available.
You sound lovely and your children sound cared for - it is you who now needs care. Bets wishes.

Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 12:38

@Mayhemmumma

You've done exactly the right thing, sadly you will have to shout for help even when you feel your worst.

But look you're suicidal but got up out of bed, got dressed probably organised your children too and went and sought help - you are stronger than you know. Good luck

Yes indeed. That is progress.

Hope you ok, op, please tell us how you get on.

I doubt your employment will be affected, such interventions are (or should be), strictly confidential.