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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this just so bloody rude

238 replies

bagpuss90 · 03/08/2021 07:48

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

OP posts:
LawnFever · 03/08/2021 07:49

Yeah that’s rude, is there anyone you could offer a plus one to who doesn’t currently have one?

Getbehindme · 03/08/2021 07:51

Perhaps they didn't appreciate how much it was per head?

ExplodingCarrots · 03/08/2021 07:51

Yanbu and I would make sure they knew you think it's rude and it's going to cost you. I had one person not show up to ours but luckily it was only £18 per head. At £70 I wouldn't be happy .

Rocketearth · 03/08/2021 07:53

Yes it’s very rude, and the parents are not setting an example of insisting their DC honour their prior agreement to go.

Try and see if you can fill the places, but then that’s not ideal because who wants to know they are a third-rate guest invite? So rude for you to be put in this position.

Houseofvelour · 03/08/2021 07:53

Yanbu. It's really bloody rude and I'd let them know.
No shows at our wedding cost us over £1k at £140 per head. I was livid.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 03/08/2021 07:53

It’s not just about the cost-it’s the principle as well

OP posts:
SquirryTheSquirrel · 03/08/2021 07:54

Ask your daughter/future SIL if there's anyone they could ask at the last minute? Perhaps work friends - send an email round explaining the situation and asking if anyone fancies coming? Or neighbours?

MuddyStiletto · 03/08/2021 07:54

Really rude
I would have to compose a reply, but I'm not sure what
The expense should be pointed out to them

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 03/08/2021 07:55

Rocketearth - exactly - we just think anyone invited now would feel like the after thought .

OP posts:
Intherightplace · 03/08/2021 07:55

They've let you know in advance, I imagine they thought you'd prefer not to have teenagers who don't want to be there and that by telling you a week in advance you wouldn't have to pay.

Personally I would have been telling my teens that once they accepted the invitation they were committed, but I think most venues will allow minor adjustments to numbers in the week beforehand.

DeathStare · 03/08/2021 07:56

It's not great but its definitely better than them dragging along a couple of sulky teenagers who don't want to be there.

clickychicky · 03/08/2021 07:56

Rude. But better than having two sulky teenagers there.

clickychicky · 03/08/2021 07:56

Hopefully they will give a really generous gift to make up for it

Macncheeseballs · 03/08/2021 07:57

The kids sound bratty, they may have a lovely time

MrsBungle · 03/08/2021 07:58

Very rude.

Missingtheedge · 03/08/2021 07:59

It’s very rude and the cost per head is not the only point - you just don’t do this for a trivial reason. See if you can fill the places with maybe plus ones, but then I guess the table plans are already done and printed etc too. And who wants to know they only got an invite because of last-minute cancellations anyway? I’ve been on the receiving end of this two days prior to a wedding and I was so offended I didn’t even bother responding (which is rude I know).

I’d let them know it’s costing £70/head and never invite their DC to any function again until they are adults.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 03/08/2021 08:01

The teenagers are 15 and 17.

OP posts:
OurMamInHavianas · 03/08/2021 08:01

It is rude. Can you redo the seating plan to make sure the empty seats aren’t obvious (and to sit them next to people they’d find really dull)?

Intherightplace · 03/08/2021 08:02

You don't know what's gone on at home. If the teens are determined not to come it's impossible for the parents to physically make them, surely you don't literally want them dragged in kicking and screaming. Obviously we all hope our children wouldn't behave like that, but if there's a risk that they might, better to tell you now than to be no show on the day.

FreeBritnee · 03/08/2021 08:02

Any colleagues you can invite or people who just want a shindig without the need to feel special?

PieceOfString · 03/08/2021 08:03

Really rude. I had an adult do that to me on the morning of my wedding while I was getting my hair done, last minute rearrangement of seating plan etc! Text instead of call is rude and late cancellation with no decent reason is rude. Cf

Orangedaisy · 03/08/2021 08:04

I filled a last minute space for an colleague’s wedding once, I was absolutely honoured and didn’t feel an after thought at all. It’s obvious numbers are limited and I would never have expected to go, but the chance to go was so exciting and we had a wonderful day. I’m sure there will be someone who can take the place. Better that than 2 grumpy teens.

BitchIAmFromChicago · 03/08/2021 08:05

I had to people turn up to the church and then not bother coming to the reception. I was fuuuuming! Grown adults as well, not teenagers.

Cocomade · 03/08/2021 08:06

Very rude op!
I would deffo ask people if they want a plus one or couple people who are coming to night time.
Youd be surprised how many people would be up for it!

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 03/08/2021 08:06

Very rude but obviously better than having guests who don't want to be there. I might be cooling it with those friends.

I assume you've spoken to the venue to see if they are prepared to do a discount, you may not have to pay the full price for no shows, it's not quite last minute

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