Or is this just so bloody rude

[bagpuss90]

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

[Timeforredwine]

As they have let you know in advance, being teenagers and an odd year for all, maybe cut some slack, yes its annoying BUT best idea instead of fresh last minute invite would be any plus ones.

[Amijustagrump]

I would fully inform them of the cost and tell them going forward they won't be invited! And see if you can find someone last minute, I once got invited to a wedding 2 days away as someone caught the flu and just felt honoured to be invited and had a lovely time!

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

I'm conflicted - annoying that you're paying for the guests but maybe the parents have had sulky teens all summer holidays and decided they wanted a break rather than have them sulk at a wedding.

[MichelleScarn]

This happened at our wedding, we then asked bridesmaids parents and grandma to fill the slot, didn't really know them that well, so wasn't too much of a 'feel like an afterthought' but they said they really enjoyed it and got some lovely professional photos with her all dressed up!

[bagpuss90]

Thing is I’m sure they would have enjoyed it . Also I think it’s a dreadful example to set.

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

Can you not "promote" 2 evening guests to take their place?

[Cocomade]

@Cocomade

Very rude op!
I would deffo ask people if they want a plus one or couple people who are coming to night time.
Youd be surprised how many people would be up for it!

Just to add to this, should have said originally, I once took someone's place who dropped out and I was over the moon 😂

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

@bagpuss90

Thing is I’m sure they would have enjoyed it . Also I think it’s a dreadful example to set.

Yeah, I agree. We live in an age of children ruling the roost and no one dares let them do the boring stuff anymore (not that the wedding will be boring I'm sure but maybe to a teen it is).

[SafeMove]

It is free food. I would be there in a shot. 'After thought' or not!

[rustyspoon45]

I absolutely wouldn't waste the meal. Invite someone else! People understand. You could even say due to COVID they were trying to keep numbers down but now feel comfortable adding a few extra. Apologise for it being last minute and Im sure nobody would be annoyed.

Agree it's rude of the family.

[poorbuthappy]

We had a couple who declined the invite due to other commitments. Absolutely fine. I walked into the church and they were the first people I saw. Turns out they only wanted to come to the ceremony. Again absolutely fine. But I was panicking for a lot of the ceremony thinking we'd have an extra 2 to accommodate. All they had to do was message me!

[Nicolastuffedone]

Very bad manners. Personally, I’d hate to be invited to a wedding at such notice simply to make up numbers! Why wasn’t I good enough to be on the guest list before!

[freelions]

5 days from the event that is incredibly rude and thoughtless

I can understand them not wanting to drag along their reluctant teens but they should have let you know sooner

[Muma1992]

I would reply saying it's a shame as you wanted to see them and you're also disappointed that it will be costing you £140 for their plates that won't be touched now. Very, very rude.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

Wondering whether parents accepted on kids’ behalf without asking if they actually wanted to go.
Would think there’s time to just reduce numbers or as others have said, lots of people would be happy to take their place in sure: I wouldn’t be offended to be a last minute invite.

[raffle]

I had 2 couples text my parents on the morning of my wedding to let us know they couldn’t attend (Illness). I know it’s not the same. However, I texted to invite 2 work friends and their husbands, and they were delighted 😁 they understood I couldn’t invite them in the first place due to costs (though they did have evening invites), so they were really happy to get to come to the whole day. Try inviting work friends!

[Faranth]

DP and I were invited to a wedding in this situation. Some extended relative or other cancelled at the last minute, we got a lovely call from the bride explaining they were limited to numbers, and had had to use a lot on family when they would have rather have friends (granny was paying!)

She said there were two spaces, and they'd be delighted if we could join them. She said as it was last minute the meals ordered were x and y and couldn't be changed, would we like to come?

Tbh, we were delighted that we were the first people she thought of when the spaces came free! We had a lovely time.

I think with covid people are a likely to be a bit more understanding of last minute changes (guests isolating, venues limiting numbers more) and hopefully wouldn't be offended? Especially if you present it as 'we wanted you here, but couldn't for reesons outside our control'

But, only offer it to two people and get their response - don't send an email round at work! What of 6 people say 'yes please!'?!

[NotSorry]

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Can you not "promote" 2 evening guests to take their place?

We ended up on the day list because of this. We were evening guests (of a friend) and got a few days notice of would we like to come during the day too. Because we're not precious, we were delighted and not at all offended to be "promoted" and went and had a lovely time. Do you have any people like this, who wouldn't take offence?

[HeddaGarbled]

There’s probably been a massive family row about it. I’d cut the mum some slack - she’s likely very embarrassed and cross.

[honeylulu]

Yes it is rude. Fair enough if weddings aren't of interest but the parents should have established that before responding to the invitation. I had no show at my wedding (an adult who just changed her mind on the day) and was really annoyed. Not just about paying for her meal but because one of our friends had asked to bring a plus one and we'd said no because we were so tight on numbers.

I also agree with the suggestion of offering to upgrade a couple of evening guests. This happened to us once and we were delighted. We were already going to the evening but had popped into the church to see the ceremony in the morning as we were local. While the bride was having photos taken the groom grabbed us and asked if we fancied coming to the meal as one couple had dropped out due to illness. Was a really lovely day!

[AlmostSummer21]

It's better than having two sulking teens. It's fine to say they should honour their commitments, but maybe they weren't asked?

Mind you, if it were up to me, they'd be there, looking happy about it - or else!!

But I'm sure you can think if two people to take their place, parents of best man, bridesmaids etc, friends of parents? Plus ones, neighbours, loads of people who won't be offended not to have made the original list

[StCharlotte]

@HeddaGarbled

There’s probably been a massive family row about it. I’d cut the mum some slack - she’s likely very embarrassed and cross.

I would put money on the mother happily accepting the invitation on behalf of the whole family and the teenagers were probably horrified.

(What sex are they?)

[ImRhondaAndthesearentreal]

My friend is getting married in a couple of weeks. Her BIL and SIL (to be) indicated early on that their young son wasn't attending.

No problem.

The BIL texted the groom at the weekend saying that the son was coming after all and could he have X meal choice (from the original invite - the wedding has been postponed since then and menus changed due time passing!). Absolutely no thought that the couple now need to rearrange to fit this kid in. Pay for his space. And order a different meal in the space of a few weeks.

I wish she had the balls to tell them no.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

It's bloody rude but if you tell them that you may end up with 4 no shows.

If I was invited at the last minute as a plus one because of this I wouldn't be offended.

[bagpuss90]

StCharlotte Both are boys