Or is this just so bloody rude

[bagpuss90]

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

Quick to blame the teenagers, just as likely parents accepted on the children's behalf and have only just told them.

@Crockof

Quick to blame the teenagers, just as likely parents accepted on the children's behalf and have only just told them.

Yes this is what I was thinking. And the teenagers have said hang on a minute you didn't even ask!

@bagpuss90

Thing is I’m sure they would have enjoyed it . Also I think it’s a dreadful example to set.

They might have decided they wouldn't enjoy it. No idea how you can be sure it's what they want to do with their time.

That’s incredibly rude. The kids are old enough to know not to behave like that. My kids are a similar age and there’s no way they’d let someone down in that way. They’ve been taught about manners and respect.

When this happened at our wedding because a couple were ill we did what other PPs said and promoted evening guests. They didn’t mind at all.

Similar happened at our wedding , my parents extended an invite to some relatives that had not been originally invited and explained the circumstances - they were delighted to attend and had a great time

15 and 17 is old enough for their parents to have asked them before RSVP. If they didn't it's on them. If they did then yes they need to have words with them and possibly make them pay for their place.

A lot of teenagers are struggling to get back to 'normal' events because for the last 18 months.

OP - this always happens and by fretting about it you are only adding annoyance and misery to what I hope will be a wonderful day. Try to accept it as one of those things - it was always going to happen and there will probably be others. You have spent the money anyway, it doesn’t make a difference.

Welcome your guests, celebrate your DD and her partner and have a wonderful time!

@Muma1992

I would reply saying it's a shame as you wanted to see them and you're also disappointed that it will be costing you £140 for their plates that won't be touched now. Very, very rude.

If you do this you are likely to be four people short. What they have done is not brilliant but this is gobsmackingly rude!

By all means say you are disappointed they won’t be attending, you can point out that it’s inconvenienced you but saying how much it’s cost you is beyond tacky.

And I wouldn’t be offended to be ‘bumped up’ the guest list and nor would most people I know. Yes, it’s obvious for some reason or another you weren’t on the original list but everybody can understand that you can’t invite everybody you know and why is it so offensive to be next on the list?

What's done is done. Teenagers are brats sometimes. Thankfully they told you now rather than just not turning up on the day.

Are there evening guests? Or anyone else you can invite to take the spot? I love a good wedding. I'd come lol

@clickychicky

15 and 17 is old enough for their parents to have asked them before RSVP. If they didn't it's on them. If they did then yes they need to have words with them and possibly make them pay for their place.

I cannot imagine for a single second that a wedding would be any teenage boy's idea of fun but then half of MNers treat wedding invitations like kryptonite.

I hope the day goes well OP and "rise above"

@bagpuss90

The teenagers are 15 and 17.

So old enough not to sulk

What about your parents friends?

If you do think of people you could extend the invitation to, I’d make sure you make it clear in your reply to the rude guests that fortunately even at this very late stage you’ve been able to fill their places - just to be clear they can’t change their minds again and rock up on the day after all.

It would be really really rude to point out the cost to the parents. You're not out of pocket, it would have cost you just as much if they attended.

Are you sure numbers can't be tweaked with still several days to go?

@StCharlotte exactly, that's why I feel this is probably down to the parents not giving them a choice and then now they've gone..hang on a minute we didn't want to go.

@Bitofachinwag also old enough to say what they do and don't attend and understand the consequences.

I'd look to asking someone else as well.

I happened to bump into an old school friend who I had lost touch with & she asked me if I'd be interested in going to her wedding to fill a place.

Had a great time.

Some hotel rooms had been paid for for the night & the best man's was great-as was he

What was the background to inviting them? Are any of the family actual friends of the bride and groom, or is this a "family friends" scenario where it is really only the adults who were friends with you the parents? I think it was probably a bit of an error to invite the terms in the first place. P lus if the wedding has been postponed for a year or so they are probably now a bit older and much less inclined to tag along with their parents. Turning you down right now is still very rudethough!

@Intherightplace

It would be really really rude to point out the cost to the parents. You're not out of pocket, it would have cost you just as much if they attended.

Are you sure numbers can't be tweaked with still several days to go?

That’s what’s rude? Wow!

It would have cost less if they’d given more than one week’s notice. At least have the decency to make up a plausible lie.

@diddl

I'd look to asking someone else as well.

I happened to bump into an old school friend who I had lost touch with & she asked me if I'd be interested in going to her wedding to fill a place.

Had a great time.

Some hotel rooms had been paid for for the night & the best man's was great-as was he

Nice one @Diddl

Extremely rude but with numbers smaller I definitely think you should see if someone could make a late invite.

Have a think.

I think the parents are setting such a bad example - this is partly why we end up with so much social awkwardness and misunderstandings because parent don't model good behaviour. The young people in our family might not particularly choose to do something like a wedding for themselves but they understand about being polite and being nice to other people.

@bagpuss90

Rocketearth - exactly - we just think anyone invited now would feel like the after thought .

It was very rude indeed but the places don't have to be wasted.

I've been the D list or last minute afterthought. It didn't bother me. I completely understand that numbers are limited and that 'duty guests' like distant cousins/children of relations etc have to be invited before you can move on to the fun guests.

Tell the couple and let them decide who they would like to offer the extra places to. There will be a gym buddy or old college friend or neighbour or someone who will have understood they couldn't make the first cut but will still be delighted to attend. Then tell the parents not to worry, it's all worked out for the best and you have invited these people in place of their DC.

I’ve no idea if the teenagers were asked if they wanted to go or not. Invites went out months ago - I’d like to think it would have been mentioned to them at some point-not sprung on them a few days before.