Or is this just so bloody rude

[bagpuss90]

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

[delilahbucket]

Yes extremely rude. We had a group of four drop out of ours yesterday, with two and a half weeks notice, because they have decided to go on holiday. We've had more changes to our wedding in this last fortnight than in the two and a half years we've been planning it. Everyone was given the date in February. Whilst I appreciate people now want to go away, this family are holidaying in the UK, it isn't a last minute decision to go abroad now the rules have relaxed or they are vaccinated.

[Malin52]

I've been a promoted guest in these circumstances. We we invited to the night event but were travelling in a car with two others invited to the whole thing. We attended the wedding discreetly and were making plans to while away the hours in the local pub until the evening do started. The bride spotted us (even though we were friends of the groom) said she'd had two cancellations that morning and did we want to attend the breakfast. We jumped at the chance even though she apologised we'd be on 'the old aunts' table.

We had a bloody amazing time. The 'old aunts' were eccentric, hilarious wonders and thought we were extraordinarily interesting! The bride came over and said how pleased she was we were there and that our table was clearly having the most fun in the room.

I never felt like the afterthought. We weren't even that! It was just great to be there! Surely there's a couple you had to exclude and would jump at coming for the whole day?!

[starrynight87]

That is so rude. Invite two others, say family dropped out so you can invite people you actually want there :grin:

[valnevavaxx]

It is rude but tbh you need to unclench a bit about the money- you may well have some no shows on the day, it happens. Part of planning a wedding I think!

[Jent13c]

I am going to a wedding tomorrow as a B list invite and was delighted to accept! During covid when guests are limited I don't think even the most sensitive people would be offended.

[Crockof]

@bagpuss90

I’ve no idea if the teenagers were asked if they wanted to go or not. Invites went out months ago - I’d like to think it would have been mentioned to them at some point-not sprung on them a few days before.

I wasn't meaning to assume you did, just the posters saying they were spoilt and need to be taught a lesson etc, I just know of so many parents that accept on behalf of their older teens/young adults. Mn has a tendency to assume all teens are arseholes.

Regardless, your friends are arseholes for cancelling so close to the wedding. Hope you have a lovely day, fwiw I wouldn't mind a late invite for a £70 meal!

[SweatyBetty20]

Do you have any singletons attending who might like to bring a plus one? I've been to several as a single woman who didn't know many people, and it can sometimes be a bit weird, but would have snapped the hand off anyone who offered a plus one invite, so I could have brought a friend with me.

[OffCycling]

My cousin's getting married on Saturday. We're a large family so understandably they've had to be selective as to how many can be invited. I'd be delighted to receive a last minute invitation, even on my own without my husband and children.

[PurpleFlower1983]

This happened to us on the day, £110 a head, I wasn’t too happy!

[wizzywig]

Store this incident op and enjoy using it as revenge

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

Yes that's rude and I would be sure to tell them but also find someone else to take their place so they don't thing you're saying that so they'll cine.

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

come

[Hankunamatata]

Is message - that's fine do you want to transfer me the £140 for their places?

[AdelindSchade]

Yes it is rude and they are old enough to understand the consequences of it, although this is also down to the parents who have clearly not handled it well. Ppinting it out this close to the wedding is probably not a good idea though because of the bad feeling it could cause.

[MatildaTheCat]

OP do consider inviting someone else. Maybe friends of your own? Nobody halfway decent would be offended.

They are indeed rude. I wonder if they worded it like that to show their DC up? They probably said, ‘oh just text and say we are ill,’ and the parents refused. Maybe.

[callinda]

Are they family? I think I'd have to say something, but I'm not sure what. Depending on how close I was to them. Something like:

Oh! I'm afraid it's too late to cancel now as I've already paid for them.
or
Could you explain to the kids it's 70 a head and too late to invite anyone else now to take their place.

[Metabigot]

I had this at my wedding - one was my stepmum's new partner who didn't want to see my dad there - er hadn't he already thought my dad would be there?

I had a buffet and underestimated the number of meals by a few but it was still really annoying - I'd imagine with a plated meal service you couldn't get away with that.

[MayorGoodwaysChicken]

‘Thank you for letting me know. It’s a shame they have decided not to come at this late stage although we’ll use the couple of day’s notice to see if we can arrange for the spaces to be used by someone else, given that they’re already paid for of course’

[fruitbrewhaha]

I really don't think a 15 and 17 year old would enjoy a wedding unless their friends or some cousins of similar ages are there. Unless you have really gone to town and organised activities etc with this age group in mind.

You can invite someone else to fill there place, no one will be insulted that they are on a B list, everyone understands that there are financial and capacity limitations on most weddings.

[Brefugee]

Gosh yes invite someone else - everyone knows how hard it is to invite everyone you want and would be delighted to attend. I know I would, I flippin' love weddings

[hazandduck]

I’d not reply with anything rude or else that’ll be all of them not attending! Or potentially cause a sour atmosphere for your daughter’s wedding day. This pre wedding, frantic planning stage is stressful enough. Just leave it, and maybe say something after if you still care. I feel like you might not once the wedding is over and you’ve had a brilliant day.

I have been a bumped-up-from-evening-to-day guest, me and my GBF were going to the evening do of an old school friend’s wedding and she text the day before seeing if we’d like to go and sit together! We had a cracking time and weren’t offended at all as we hadn’t seen her properly for years. I think most people won’t care and like others have said you have the perfect excuse with covid limiting who you could invite etc.

[Shitzngiggles]

Definitely invite someone else. My friend was recently a late invitee to a wedding. She was thrilled to be invited and had a lovely time.

[drpet49]

I would have to compose a reply, but I'm not sure what. The expense should be pointed out to them

^This. Don’t let them off the hook.

Please invite 2 people from your evening guest list OP. Honestly they would be honoured to attend. Don’t let the space go to waste.

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

We’ve just had this. Dd 15 refused to go. It’s easier to force if you have compliant teenagers.

It’s less easy to force when you have strong willed stubborn teens who were fucked by lockdown and still have severe social anxiety/ anxiety because of it.

I offered to pay, but the meal got eaten anyway.

[nokidshere]

I wouldn't be offended at being asked last minute. As someone already said, most people understand the limitations on numbers at a wedding.

Years ago when 2 of my nieces got married on consecutive weekends I went to both but declined places for DH and 13 & 15 yr old boys because I knew the brides were struggling with numbers and my dh & teens wouldn't be in the least bit bothered about attending.