Or is this just so bloody rude

[bagpuss90]

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

[Alwayswithalacrity]

We did what others posters have suggested, promoted a couple of evening guests to full day guests. They were delighted.

[Killahangilion]

It’s annoying but hardly the crime of the century.

Sorry, but anyone organising a wedding (and forking out that much per head) should realise that people will drop out last minute for various reasons.

It’s a bit daft to get annoyed just because their reasons aren’t acceptable to you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

At least they've told you, you could try to invite last minute guests or bump up evening guests.
DHs auntie and uncle just didn't show up, that was bloody rude!

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

Incredibly rude!

I’d feel like letting them know how much it had cost for them to no show!

[MrsR87]

Very rude and very irritating. I hate it when people do things like this.

At the risk of sounding petty, I’d want them to know how much it cost and be sure they weren’t just going to change their minds again and turn up on the day when you’ve already filled their spaces. So I would send a text along the lines of…

Oh that’s a shame it would have been lovely to see them. As the cost is £70 per head, I really don’t want the spaces to go to waste so will invite someone from the reserve guest list in their place. Please can you confirm that they definitely will not be coming. Thank you.

It might annoy them but after helping organise a few weddings in my time I’m past caring ha ha ha! I wouldn’t do this if it was illness or something unavoidable or anything like that but just for the CF of it!!!

Also, if I were invited in these circumstances, I wouldn’t be offended at all, especially if I were already a night time guest. Quite the opposite I’d be delighted. I would probably also assume it was something to do with COVID.

[Zilla1]

It's certainly rude. I shouldn't worry about someone new being asked feeling an afterthought. Most reasonably people understand weddings are expensive and COVID required limits invitee numbers and that COVID pings might mean last minute changes.

I hope you both have a great day.

[DietrichandDiMaggio]

By all means say you are disappointed they won’t be attending, you can point out that it’s inconvenienced you but saying how much it’s cost you is beyond tacky.?

Agree with this about the money. You can say it is rude, or not, but the cost per head is irrelevant. I've never had an invitation that has told me how much my attendance will cost, as that has nothing to do with me.

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

I wouldn’t mind being an add on at this stage knowing the rules.🤷‍♀️

[Eddielzzard]

Extremely rude. And a very bad example to set for those teenagers. Very poor parenting.

[HectorGloop]

This happened to me the evening before my wedding but, as my friend's waters had gone two weeks early, I thought I'd better let her off

We worked out her baby was born just as we were having our first dance. We did do a quick ring around to see if anyone else wanted to come but we had actually invited pretty much everyone we actually liked in the first place, grumpy antisocial buggers that we are

[GiveMyHeadPeaceffs]

I honestly think you need to be the bigger person here. You've no idea what the actual situation is. So big deep breath and "promote" a couple of evening guests. I got "promoted" to day guest a few years ago and was absolutely delighted, it was a wonderful wedding and I wasn't in the least bit put out by being bumped because someone had pulled out.

[aiwblam]

Very rude but how does this cost you? You have to pay for the meals anyway, regardless of them being eaten or not, don’t you? Some people are flaky fuckers but there may be other shit going on with the teenagers that you don’t know about. Either forget about it or invite someone in their place.

[Freddiefox]

@bagpuss90

It’s not just about the cost-it’s the principle as well

You never really know what’s going on for that person. It’s not the best, and you know what they are like from past behaviour. But I’d try not to get too stressed about it.

[MayorGoodwaysChicken]

@Killahangilion

It’s annoying but hardly the crime of the century.

Sorry, but anyone organising a wedding (and forking out that much per head) should realise that people will drop out last minute for various reasons.

It’s a bit daft to get annoyed just because their reasons aren’t acceptable to you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We had drop outs at our wedding but they were because of illness and a once in a lifetime job interview abroad. Not because a couple of teenagers had decided they no longer fancied it. I wouldn’t be specific with figures but I would absolutely make sure the parents realise there is a cost associated with accepted places. Anyone with half a brain cell would know that anyway. Astoundingly rude and agree it’s very poor parenting unless there is a significant back story we don’t know about. And agree with PPs that you need to make sure they know the places are no longer available if the teenagers change their minds on the day, you don’t want them turning up as well as the people you invite in their places. I would say no one would do that but this family have shown their lack of manners or social awareness so I wouldn’t make any assumptions!

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

This feels like a bit of a non-event to me. Plans change and I'm sure most weddings end up with one or two people not coming. Your anger over this makes me think that this is a family you already dislike/have issues with.

I agree with previous posters - just ask somebody who's invited evening only if they'd like to make a full day of it. Easy.

[JustLyra]

@bagpuss90

Rocketearth - exactly - we just think anyone invited now would feel like the after thought .

I’ve been to weddings a couple of times, or bumped up from evening only, when this has happened to people and never minded. I don’t know anyone who would - especially atm when weddings have been so tricky to organise

[LtDansleg]

@aiwblam

Very rude but how does this cost you? You have to pay for the meals anyway, regardless of them being eaten or not, don’t you? Some people are flaky fuckers but there may be other shit going on with the teenagers that you don’t know about. Either forget about it or invite someone in their place.

Of course it’s cost the op? If she knew they weren’t coming then she wouldn’t have paid the £140 for their meals.

[eightyfourandahalf]

VERY rude

but many people ARE rude - not turning up, turning up after declining, changing the seating plan...

If there was a valid reason, they would have told you.. at least they didn't bother making one up.

I'd go round and ask friends to replace them.

[ExConstance]

When I got married many years ago we had a couple of last minute cancellations. Still managed to get a full house though, of people who wanted to be there as we had some people with very new girlfriends coming along on their own who were very happy to get a last minute +1 invite. Most people know the realities of planning a wedding and understand you can't invite everyone you might want to, a last minute invite is a bit of a treat in my book.

[SD1978]

I'd see if anyone is a plus one they didn't previously, and invite them. It's not rude, yes you're not on the 'original' list, but for good reason. If I had a new partner I'd be happy enough with a second place invite

[RightOnTheEdge]

They are rude and wasting that much money is very annoying.

If I was offered a place though I'd jump at the chance of a free meal and a good party.
Your daughter could maybe say you were limited because of covid rules but the venue has now allowed more people? Rather than someone has dropped out and they were last minute replacements.

[eightyfourandahalf]

anyone invited now would feel like the after thought

not if you are upfront about it.
Yes, you need to invite elderly relatives first, but as someone now not coming, can see if friend is available last minute.

A real friend will be fine with it.

[Handsoffstrikesagain]

I’d have made my DC contact the bride and groom or you directly.

[ChocBeforeCock]

Honestly can’t believe people are trying to justify this behaviour. Of course it is rude.

[lastcall]

I'm going to go with at least they told you. Now. So you could offer the places elsewhere.

I'm sure you'll have people delighted to step in; everyone understands that numbers have been pared down dramatically this past 18 months due to covid. And teenagers are, well, teenagers. And many have more issues since covid...

I'm sure the couple is actually mortified about it.