Or is this just so bloody rude

[bagpuss90]

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

[aSofaNearYou]

If ever an argument was needed as to why it is not unreasonable for people to not invite people's kids to their weddings, this is it.

[Marriedatfirstyear]

At least they let you know, even if you can't do anything about the payment. We had a family of 4 not show up and didn't let us know. We could have rearranged seating had we known.
They didn't send a card and we haven't spoken since and that was three years ago. I'd been to their wedding a few years before but clearly we weren't a priority to them.
These things happen OP. It's very rude but don't take it to heart.

[WomanStanleyWoman]

@Carlosi456

Not rude. Teenagers can be moody and impulsive. If you make them go somewhere they don't want to be EVERYBODY will have an unpleasant time. I bet the parents feel not good about it too and didn't have much notice from the teens. Should've just invited the adults. Enjoy your pricey wedding.

So it’s the OP’s fault for inviting them; not theirs for accepting and then pulling out at a week’s notice?

[WomanStanleyWoman]

Well as she's complaining about the cost of 2 no shows, I think her head would spin off if there was 4 no shows

Well surely it depends on whether she offers out the places to others or not? Losing two teens who didn’t want to go and their parents who couldn’t be arsed to check before saying yes might not be a bad swap for four evening guests who can now come for the full day.

[JER27]

We were invited to be godparents at the christening of my older brother['s two children. After a long and expensive train journey, which we could ill afford at the time, we were casually told that different godparents had been chosen.

[jugOFpimms]

maybe she accepted the invite on behalf of the whole family & now the teenagers are being teenagers & she probably thinks she has told you enough time before the event, obviously its not ideal & the cost but im sure she is feeling bad as her kids are causing you distress.....op it is rude i don't agree with it .

[CruCru]

We had this, except it was a family of five who texted my husband a couple of days beforehand. Unfortunately the text only came through two months later so we had all these empty spaces at the table (which the parents of one of the couple were sitting at). So bloody awkward

[Mikki77]

Maybe ask people are coming to the wedding if they have a stepchild or parent that would like to come. Even if someone is bringing their 3 children maybe they would like to bring a helper/nanny.

ps I would be fuming. Forget the cost it's such last minute, table plans need to be revised.

[Couldhavebeenme2]

I'm free on Saturday OP...

[Couldhavebeenme2]

@bagpuss90

Rocketearth - exactly - we just think anyone invited now would feel like the after thought .

Covid to the rescue - congratulations you now have chance to upgrade anyone on the B list to A list!

Anybody had to not have plus ones gets first dibs, then upgrade evening guests to day guests.

'Due to unexpected circumstances we now have the opportunity to ask you to join us on Saturday; it was devastating to have to limit the numbers due to covid, we are delighted to be able to invite you along to celebrate with us as we would if not for covid'.

Nobody can be upset by that, surely?

[Cocomade]

@SprayedWithDettol

I wouldn’t upgrade an evening invite. It’s just as rude IMO.

I would leave the seating plan as is and let the parents explain why there are empty seats. Why should they get away with appalling rude behaviour?

I was an upgrade once and I didn't take offence at all! I was over the moon and had an amazing day!

[ilovechocolate07]

They 'should' have but as the parent of a teen and preteen, I can see how something I would really look forward to us all doing and accepting months ago may not actually go down too well/be enjoyable for everyone now.

[mam0918]

@SprayedWithDettol

I wouldn’t upgrade an evening invite. It’s just as rude IMO.

I would leave the seating plan as is and let the parents explain why there are empty seats. Why should they get away with appalling rude behaviour?

A yes of course you should waste food and money just to specifically embarass a guest - what fantastic hosting.

There is nothing 'rude' in being upgraded for god sake, it happens all the time and someone is offering to host you and give you a meal regardless of when they invited you... whats 'rude' (and pretty narcassistic) is being offended over that lol.

[SprayedWithDettol]

I wouldn’t upgrade an evening invite. It’s just as rude IMO.

I would leave the seating plan as is and let the parents explain why there are empty seats. Why should they get away with appalling rude behaviour?

[slipperandtherose]

the thing with teenagers is... it's complex and it's very difficult for the parents... when teens have issues/anxieties (including social etc) - the parents owe it to their teens to honour their privacy about their situation before being very truthful to whoever this may affect... it really could be that one of the teens has a genuine reason to feel that they just can't attend... and the sibling then feels completely awkward about attending without their 'back-up'. Hence neither now can attend... trust me I have been in similar situations and it is excruciating letting people down, especially at the last minute, without being able to tell them the real reason why... I'm sure I've sounded flakey and uncaring at times... but I have had to put their welfare first at certain times. So I guess I'm just saying that sometimes all is not as it might seems...

[valnevavaxx]

I can't believe anyone would seriously take offence to a last minute invite like this. Lighten up.

[joles12]

I went to see an old friend get married at the local church once and she asked if I would like to stay for the reception as she had a space - was very happy to go, wouldn’t have expected an invite - by mid 20s there are some people you are in touch with and some less so, weddings are hard on numbers. Think if you frame it right, you can add plus ones or friends.

[Tiggy321]

Very very rude. When we got married, initially we didn’t have space to invite 2 teens of cousins. They made a fuss and we squeezed them in. And then on the day they didn’t turn up. Was sooooo angry as it cost us money. Suffice to say haven’t spoken to them since (20 years ago!!)

[Mamanyt]

YANBU. That said, it is possible that the teens did not make it known that they would not go until very recently. Teens are like that. And, having reared two of the malevolent little gargoyles, I can tell you from personal experience that you are coming out far cheaper paying that extra than putting up with two surly teens.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Please do and try and fill the spaces....

It's all about how you ask as others upthread have said.... Not we're upgrading you as 2 snotty kids dropped out... I'd present it as... Things have changed slightly and we'd love to have you if you could come to the wedding breakfast...

I've been a plus one and last minute invitee ... It was fab and very pleased to have been asked!

[Mummyto2rugrats]

That is just so rude to say just a few days before! I would be upset.

We have just been asked if we would like to attend a wedding as a few guests live away and now can't make it, I was honoured we aren't invited to the night and know the parents not the people getting married that we'll, but we politely declined because of work its not a weekend wedding and I have used all of my leave. They were honest as to why which I liked and didn't feel offended about at all, I get it the food has been paid for and rather than pay and it not be eaten they would rather have friendly faces.

[BrandNewHeretic]

I had this at my wedding too. I had very restricted numbers, and many of my cousins didn't bring partners (it was explained why and they were very understanding) then when people pulled out I was able to offer plus ones, which they were happy about but it was clear they weren't an after thought. Is that something that could work? Asking someone if they'd now like a bring a plus one might go down better than inviting someone completely out of it last minute where it does look like an afterthought

[surreygirl1987]

Terribly rude. I had a couple of my friends drop out on the day! They didn't seem to realise that it would cost me anything or that it would affect anything (they happened to be on the smallest table, and I didn't have time to rearrange the seating plan, so that table ended up half the size of the others).

Definitely ask if anyone would like to bring a +1 etc. I personally would be quite nervous going to a wedding on my own if I didn't know that many people and would love to bring someone! I hated being the only single person at some weddings I went to (before I met my husband) and would have loved to being a friend along.

[TheCupboardOfChaos]

OP, this is bad manners, and their parents ought to be telling them so. I have teenagers, and the one thing I insist on in a sea of awfulness is good manners towards other people.

I would like to know, though, why they were invited to this particular wedding? How are they related to your daughter or future son in law?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I hope the parents 'just don't fancy it' when the DC want something

Since it's not family, this is why I'd uninvite the lot of them - with someone as rude as this I'd say there's every chance the above could happen