Or is this just so bloody rude

[bagpuss90]

My daughter is getting married on Saturday. We got a text yesterday to say one couple will now not be bringing their teenage kids along . The kids are not ill , they are not in isolation- apparently they just “don’t fancy it” . We will still have to pay for them - it’s too late to really invite anyone else . It’s £70 per head . Am I being unreasonable to think they should decided this before they accepted the invite ?

[mam0918]

@SprayedWithDettol

I wouldn’t upgrade an evening invite. It’s just as rude IMO.

I would leave the seating plan as is and let the parents explain why there are empty seats. Why should they get away with appalling rude behaviour?

A yes of course you should waste food and money just to specifically embarass a guest - what fantastic hosting.

There is nothing 'rude' in being upgraded for god sake, it happens all the time and someone is offering to host you and give you a meal regardless of when they invited you... whats 'rude' (and pretty narcassistic) is being offended over that lol.

[ilovechocolate07]

They 'should' have but as the parent of a teen and preteen, I can see how something I would really look forward to us all doing and accepting months ago may not actually go down too well/be enjoyable for everyone now.

[Cocomade]

@SprayedWithDettol

I wouldn’t upgrade an evening invite. It’s just as rude IMO.

I would leave the seating plan as is and let the parents explain why there are empty seats. Why should they get away with appalling rude behaviour?

I was an upgrade once and I didn't take offence at all! I was over the moon and had an amazing day!

[Couldhavebeenme2]

@bagpuss90

Rocketearth - exactly - we just think anyone invited now would feel like the after thought .

Covid to the rescue - congratulations you now have chance to upgrade anyone on the B list to A list!

Anybody had to not have plus ones gets first dibs, then upgrade evening guests to day guests.

'Due to unexpected circumstances we now have the opportunity to ask you to join us on Saturday; it was devastating to have to limit the numbers due to covid, we are delighted to be able to invite you along to celebrate with us as we would if not for covid'.

Nobody can be upset by that, surely?

[Couldhavebeenme2]

I'm free on Saturday OP...

[Mikki77]

Maybe ask people are coming to the wedding if they have a stepchild or parent that would like to come. Even if someone is bringing their 3 children maybe they would like to bring a helper/nanny.

ps I would be fuming. Forget the cost it's such last minute, table plans need to be revised.

[CruCru]

We had this, except it was a family of five who texted my husband a couple of days beforehand. Unfortunately the text only came through two months later so we had all these empty spaces at the table (which the parents of one of the couple were sitting at). So bloody awkward

[jugOFpimms]

maybe she accepted the invite on behalf of the whole family & now the teenagers are being teenagers & she probably thinks she has told you enough time before the event, obviously its not ideal & the cost but im sure she is feeling bad as her kids are causing you distress.....op it is rude i don't agree with it .

[JER27]

We were invited to be godparents at the christening of my older brother['s two children. After a long and expensive train journey, which we could ill afford at the time, we were casually told that different godparents had been chosen.

[WomanStanleyWoman]

Well as she's complaining about the cost of 2 no shows, I think her head would spin off if there was 4 no shows

Well surely it depends on whether she offers out the places to others or not? Losing two teens who didn’t want to go and their parents who couldn’t be arsed to check before saying yes might not be a bad swap for four evening guests who can now come for the full day.

[WomanStanleyWoman]

@Carlosi456

Not rude. Teenagers can be moody and impulsive. If you make them go somewhere they don't want to be EVERYBODY will have an unpleasant time. I bet the parents feel not good about it too and didn't have much notice from the teens. Should've just invited the adults. Enjoy your pricey wedding.

So it’s the OP’s fault for inviting them; not theirs for accepting and then pulling out at a week’s notice?

[Marriedatfirstyear]

At least they let you know, even if you can't do anything about the payment. We had a family of 4 not show up and didn't let us know. We could have rearranged seating had we known.
They didn't send a card and we haven't spoken since and that was three years ago. I'd been to their wedding a few years before but clearly we weren't a priority to them.
These things happen OP. It's very rude but don't take it to heart.

[aSofaNearYou]

If ever an argument was needed as to why it is not unreasonable for people to not invite people's kids to their weddings, this is it.