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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Losing my temper/shit with selfish OH

217 replies

Idunnowhyibother · 16/07/2021 18:50

Posting before I explode and say unsayable things in haste!
My partner of 9 months is lovely - loyal, sensitive and calm (any more laidback and he'd be sat on a cloud strumming a harp) but fucking HELL is he selfish!
I've got a failed marriage behind me so am not sure if my bastard-radar is broken or I don't trust myself anymore so I thought I'd see what you lot think :)
I work 3 jobs from home (he is looking for work after relocating to be with me) and cook/clean/shop and skivvy in general. I'm usually knackered at weekends and just want to flop or go to the hairdressers and just chill. But we are always going to see his friends (me being the taxi service as he doesn't drive). I don't drink/smoke anything funky so I feel like the boring sensible one that has to concentrate on not getting lost on the M5/Mwhatever as I'm a bit of a nervy and slightly crap driver after he has had a wicked time with his friends. He buggers off on a Friday to stay with friends and I just catch up on sleep before picking him up the next day. Then another friend will come down on Sunday and around we go. He knows I work like a dog and am stressed from saving up for a house so I'm getting to the point of no return with frustration at having no 'me' time. I get the feeling he prefers being at his friends (one in particular I really dislike as he is rude and very arrogant towards women)
I'm too bloody old to go through shit like this and am trying to resist pressing the detonate button. It would make a nice explosion but sound like a wet fart after all is said and done! Do I push the buzzer on him?? Or AIBU?
Oh and sorry for the rant. I do want advice :)

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 16/07/2021 18:52

He sounds like a cocklodger in the making.

takealettermsjones · 16/07/2021 18:52

To be honest, I dunno why you bother either! Have you spoken to him about it?

FizzyLizzie · 16/07/2021 18:52

Push the button! You have yourself a bonafide cocklodger

Halfwaytoholiday · 16/07/2021 18:54

Why doesn't he cook/clean/shop?

TheProvincialLady · 16/07/2021 18:55

No part of what you have written about this man says lovely. He’s a feckless selfish boring twathead cocklodger. Send him back.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 16/07/2021 18:55

I don't know why you bother either. He sounds like a useless manchild. Push him overboard already and get on with your own life.

dreamingbohemian · 16/07/2021 18:56

He sounds useless and annoying. Bin him! You can do much better than this.

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 16/07/2021 18:56

Wtf? I presume you talked about what would happen when he moved in and he agreed he would do plenty of housework until he found work?

The friends things must be annoying, but if he had a full social circle when he left, he was going to continue that.

Sounds like you are been taken for a fool.

He has a great life, why would he change any of it.

Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 18:56

Not driving would be a huge no for me

Idunnowhyibother · 16/07/2021 18:56

Fuck. Fuck.Fuck.
I have had one row with him and he was devastated and cried which really hurt to see. He is so kind and loving but so goddam selfish sometimes. It's like I have no compass with stuff like this and I don't know why!

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 16/07/2021 18:57

What exactly DOES he do? Apart from make your life harder?

Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 18:57

And moving in before he found a job

PersonaNonGarter · 16/07/2021 18:57

Bizarre. YANBU but also why are you going along with this? Just say no and stay home?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 16/07/2021 18:59

No.
This needs to end.

joystir59 · 16/07/2021 19:01

He doesn't work, drive, cool, clean or shop. I hope he is blisteringly hot and generous in bed. Seriously, press the button.

username18702 · 16/07/2021 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

joystir59 · 16/07/2021 19:01

Cook not cool

Idunnowhyibother · 16/07/2021 19:01

Don't bite- I agree - it needs to end. I've made some appalling relationship choices (and should know better). I'm thinking I'd be smarter off single for a good long while!

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 19:02

He isn't working so why cant he see henforness during the week and get the train

Fireflygal · 16/07/2021 19:02

He moved to you after 9 months and now doesn't work but you support him and drive him to see friends??? I am speechless.

How is he kind? If he was kind he would meet your needs. I imagine the "loving" part is seduction so you don't cop on to the fact you are with a cock lodger.

Really....throw this one back

Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 19:03

His friends

billy1966 · 16/07/2021 19:03

OP,

Give your head a wobble.

You only know the waster 9 months and you moved him in?

He's crying because you are such an unbelievable MUG and he likes living off you.

Unbelievable.

🙄

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/07/2021 19:05

He’s a crap and pointless partner and you’re being a doormat. Sorry! Hope you can make a change Brew

coodawoodashooda · 16/07/2021 19:05

And he cried. That must mean hes sorry. Op im sorry but please, please get rid of him.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/07/2021 19:05

Just bin him off. What are you doing?.