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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend told me to leave stuff at his, but take home dirty washing?!

171 replies

takeithome · 05/07/2021 13:25

I've been seeing a new man since March. We met online. Things have progressed quite quickly in the few months I have known him, we have met one another's friends/family and I see him almost everyday. I've been spending 4-5 nights a week at his house. Around a month ago he suggested that I leave some over night things at his (clean clothes, pyjamas, underwear, tooth brush, hair brush etc.) That was because I was bringing a bag back and forth every time I stayed and he also said it would be nice if I could spontaneously stay at his without the need for a bag every time. I agreed a couple of weeks ago and he cleared out a chest of drawers for my stuff which I thought was lovely!

He began putting my things in the wash basket, (for example he'd scoop up our dirty washing off the floor in the morning after bed), so I followed his lead and stopped taking the dirty things home... after all, the whole point of leaving stuff was so I didn't have to bring things back and forth all the time... He's now text me this morning saying he feels a bit 'weird' about washing my things so early on, and would I mind taking my dirty washing home and then bringing it back to his clean. AIBU to think this is a bit strange, whenever boyfriends have left stuff at mine before I've never had a problem washing it. I'm not gross or anything like that either. I don't really feel comfortable leaving stuff at his anymore to be honest and feel like I might as well go back to just bringing a bag every time?

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 05/07/2021 13:36

I wonder if this is financial...

You are stating4-5 nights a week..i imagine he is having to do extra wsshing, electric bills ,foid bills will have gone up.

kindaclassy · 05/07/2021 13:36

Reverse it, I would not be doing the laundry for my boyfriend!

Happy to do join laundry once we have moved in together and we have to split chores, and you can share chores if you go on holiday, but leaving your dirty washing for the other so early in a relationship? Absolutely not.

kindaclassy · 05/07/2021 13:37

@Starlightstarbright1

I wonder if this is financial...

You are stating4-5 nights a week..i imagine he is having to do extra wsshing, electric bills ,foid bills will have gone up.

If that's his reasoning, I would end the relationship right now, I can't stand tight people.

(but I do agree with him, wayyyy to early!)

adrianmolesmole · 05/07/2021 13:37

I've been with my DP for almost 7 years and we leave our dirty washing at each other's places, no issue. Four months is way too soon for that though!!

How about leave more than 1 pair of clean knickers at his and then take the one you wear home with you to wash. That way you still have some spare at his for spontaneous nights over without having to pack?

starfishmummy · 05/07/2021 13:38

If he was leaving his stuff at yours for you to wash you'd have everyone telling you that he was a CF.

Backhills · 05/07/2021 13:39

I think laundry could be done at his house, but a bit weird for him to be picking it up off the floor and doing it. Imagine if it was a woman posting about her new man's expectations!

Original poster
takeithome · 05/07/2021 13:39

@starfishmummy

True, but then I wouldn't have set the precedent by putting his stuff in my wash basket to begin with.

OP posts:
OneForTheRoadThen · 05/07/2021 13:41

Maybe he didn't mind once or twice but isn't happy with it being a regular thing?

TheGumption · 05/07/2021 13:41

If I think about it the other way around, I'd be really annoyed if a guy I'd only been seeing for a few months was leaving washing for me to do 4-5 days a week. So I think YABU. It's CF territory.

nimbuscloud · 05/07/2021 13:42

@kindaclassy
Which of them is tight? The op or the boyfriend?

DazzlingHaze · 05/07/2021 13:43

I think it's fine if he doesn't want to wash your stuff but since that's the case he shouldn't have made such a fuss about you leaving clothes at his. If you're taking it home to wash you're still going to be carrying clothes back and forth basically every time you stay? Pointless.

nellly · 05/07/2021 13:44

I think I wouldn't mind the odd bit and would scoop up both sets of pants off the floor etc but would be a bit Hmm if then a guy I was seeing took it as a sign he could leave the majority of his dirty laundry for me! Why are all nights spent at his?

SunshineCake · 05/07/2021 13:44

Then ask him why he put your stuff in his basket if he didn't want you doing the same.

milinhas · 05/07/2021 13:45

I also think this is a generosity / expectations point - if he (or you) generously offers to wash some dirty clothes by sweeping them up with his / pay for a nice dinner every now and again then that’s a nice thing he’s done for you. If you then expect he always washes your clothes / pays for everything then you are being cheeky.

Aprilx · 05/07/2021 13:45

No he is not being weird, you are. What a cheek to leave your dirty underwear for somebody else to wash!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/07/2021 13:45

4-5 nights a week after 3 months together?

You've both rushed it, and it sounds like he's trying to correct that a bit, its always awkward when people dive into a full on relationship really quickly and then need a bit of space.

A also agree he may be fed up with the extra financial side of it too.

MouldyPotato · 05/07/2021 13:45

He needs to stop putting your stuff in his wash basket.

kindaclassy · 05/07/2021 13:46

[quote nimbuscloud]@kindaclassy
Which of them is tight? The op or the boyfriend?[/quote]
I wasn't under the impression either of them was trying to save a few pennies. The only tight one would be the one planning some weird financial "gain" over a few loads of laundry.

MouldyPotato · 05/07/2021 13:46

And you're possibly spending too much time there and this is his way of pulling back a bit?

Original poster
takeithome · 05/07/2021 13:46

@DazzlingHaze That was my thought...

It's not a case of financial. I always bring food, drinks, take aways, breakfast, little treats when I stay at his. I recently bought him a gift (aftershave) that cost £80. I'm very conscious of money and not taking advantage.

OP posts:
DazzlingHaze · 05/07/2021 13:46

And the financial reasoning doesn't really makes sense either. Surely if it's in the washing basket it's just getting flung in the machine with his washing so it shouldn't cost him any extra. And if he's washing his things as well it's really not much extra effort aside from a few extra things to hang up to dry. Which if he's so serious about you that he wants you to leave clothes at his house it should be no hassle. I think he's being weird.

GreyhoundG1rl · 05/07/2021 13:46

He just doesn't want to do your washing... Nothing particularly odd about it, especially when you're staying up to five nights a week!

Chasingsquirrels · 05/07/2021 13:48

Accept what he has said, leave a change of clean underwear there maybe, but take your stuff either time.

He probably didn't think it through.

The bloke I'm seeing spends most weekends with me, he has a few bits here in a drawer, but also brings a bag and takes his dirty stuff away. I'll ask if he wants anything washing if I'm putting a wash on, but he usually says no don't worry. If he is here for longer than the weekend eg Christmas etc then he will say yes please when I ask.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/07/2021 13:48

And the financial reasoning doesn't really makes sense either.

Not just the washing, the extra electric, food, cleaning etc.

MovingtoOz1Day · 05/07/2021 13:49

Maybe he's fed up of you leaving your dirty washing on the floor

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