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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to remove FB post?

159 replies

Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:29

The other day I sent two photos of our baby in a private message to my partner, which he then forwarded to his mum. A few days later she posted them on Facebook. To be fair, he said that she did ask him first, however he said yes without checking with me. I myself haven’t posted any photos of our baby on social media yet, and didn’t feel happy about these particular photos being shared. They’re not photos I would choose to share myself and were really just meant for my partner. No big reason, they were just of silly moments with my daughter that I thought my partner would appreciate. AIBU to ask for the post to be deleted?

OP posts:
SupermanInk · 03/07/2021 12:43

I know how the convo would go with me and my own DDIL:
‘Holly your bloody son said it was ok to put those pics up but I didn’t want those ones of FB’
‘Haha ok no worries DDIL I’ll take them down now. Pass me a biscuit’

This is exactly how it should be. No drama required.

BackforGood · 03/07/2021 13:15

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures.

What an odd question. Confused Not sure why it is posed as "M-iLs' either - surely we are generally talking about 'Grandparents' here?. Grandparents are excited about being Grandparents and kindly showing their friends a photo as previous generation did with a physical envelope of photos they carry in their handbag or wallet or display on their mantlepiece. They are proud and very much in love and want to share their happiness with their friends.
As pps have said - just the same as anyone puts any photo up - it is something they want to share, that they know their friends will be happy for them.

It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? Well, perhaps that says more about you than anything else.
That isn't why I put things on my social media. Hmm

OP If you are going to ask her to take it down (and let's not forget, this is yesterday's news now - her friends will have seen it and everyone will have moved on so is it worth it? then @HeronLanyon's wording is lovely.

Killahangilion · 03/07/2021 13:36

@MakeMeCleanTheHouse

I see several pictures of fri3nds grandchildren as I'm reaching that age. I love seeing them (small amounts) as it shows a family love which is very special.

I can't see anything conceited or unpleasant in it ? What do you think will happen to your child because of the pictures? Realistically?

I don’t post ever pictures of my children or grandchildren on SM.

I view it as a breach of their privacy, especially as they are young children and not teens and unable to freely consent to the photos being shared.

My friends know I have grandchildren, and to be honest, I don’t think they’d be all that interested in what mine are up to, as most of them have children/grandchildren of their own. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Paintedmaypole · 03/07/2021 13:51

Yes to what backforgood says. . Why MILs in particular?

Bluedeblue · 03/07/2021 14:02

I just don't get this. I bet your MIL has got about 10 friends on FB, all people her own age that enjoy being grannies and showing off their grandkids. I highly doubt she's friends with a load of paedophiles. Even if a weird bloke looked at the photos, absolutely nothing would happen, it's not like your baby will spontaneously combust.

Omletteforbreakfast · 03/07/2021 14:04

As a GM myself I love seeing pictures of my friends GC - however my DD and her husband do not want pictures of their son on social media and I respect that - much as I would love to share my own pics with friends. OP I agree with posters who suggested talking to your MIL and asking her to remove them, acknowledging she has done nothing wrong and thanking her for asking your DH permission - I am sure she will understand given she was sensitive enough to ask in the first place she clearly wants to follow your lead.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 03/07/2021 14:18

OP, tell her you’d like her to take them down. Otherwise you won’t feel comfortable sending her pictures for her which is unhelpful. Agree some rules with you DH (ours are absolutely 0 nudity in photos ever. No nappy only photos get send to others, other people can be sent pictures but everyone knows we prefer they don’t post them to Facebook/instagram or other social media.) Then share the rules with your MIL so everyone is on board.

2021DNA · 03/07/2021 14:41

Your partner consented to his mother posting photos of his child. I fail to see what your problem is???????

SupermanInk · 03/07/2021 15:10

It’s no wonder some people find life so hard, they must constantly be making issues out of non issues.

The MIL was thoughtful enough to ask in the first place, it seems to me that someone like that would be completely reasonable and willing to delete the photos. There doesn’t need to be a problem or an argument. It would be a 30 second conversation followed by the MIL deleting.

Mamanyt · 04/07/2021 17:48

She did ask and receive permission to post them. Perhaps it might be a better idea to simply send her a couple of photos that you do not mind sharing, and ask her to replace the two that you would prefer to keep private.

Moorethemerrier · 04/07/2021 18:01

I haven’t read everyone’s responses and you will get mixed reviews on this. I feel your pain my MIL did exactly this to us at two important times in our lives

Once when our first son was born she took photos of him when she visited the evening we bought him home. The photos were on Facebook within hours. We had t announced his birth yet to anyone outside of immediate family. They were deleted after being asked but we had made it very clear we didn’t want any newborn photos of him on social media

She did it again when we got married. We did close family at a registry office a few days before our main wedding event. We weren’t going to post about it as we were doing our vow at what we class as our wedding day a few days later and we wanted all guests to feel they were there for that special event. She announced our marriage on Facebook with photos. Again was deleted when asked but not the point.

It’s your child and if you don’t feel comfortable yes you have every right to ask her to remove them!

Macncheeseballs · 04/07/2021 18:04

It's his child too

Drovememad · 04/07/2021 18:08

@Moorethemerrier what the fuck has that got to do with the OP?

Have you actually read it? Or just done the MILs are all wrong?

She asked her DS and he said YES!

Go start your own post to bitch about your MIL!

Nocutenamesleft · 04/07/2021 18:08

I don’t allow any photos of my children in social media and fortunately no one in my family had social media which you can put pictures on.

I really feel for you. As I’d hate it. I would like Explain honestly. Just explain that you’d rather no have the photos on and your partner didn’t realise this. Would you mind removing them

Madamum18 · 04/07/2021 18:34

The issue is with your partner not your MIL. Tell him why you are unhappy about the photos being on FB. Get his view. Expect him to take responsibility for forgetting and ask his Mum to remove them, explaining why and what you as a couple would like to happen

Lilymossflower · 04/07/2021 19:36

Absolutely YANBU

Baker0104 · 04/07/2021 19:42

@Hatethisplacetho

As for “nobody wants photos of your kids get a grip paranoid weirdo” - actually there are groups on FACEBOOK which aggregate pics of kids for disturbing purposes, let alone the rest of the internet. I think people on here have no clue how dark the internet can get.
Thank you! I'm glad someone said it 🙄
snowflake29f · 04/07/2021 20:41

YABVU I think you’re being a princess. You child is 50% your partners child and he said yes to his mum , she ain’t a stranger ,she raised the man you love enough to have the child with it’s a photo . A moment your MIL thought was lovely enough to share with her friends and family, just like your partner thought to share with his mum.

Madamum18 · 04/07/2021 20:51

“nobody wants photos of your kids get a grip paranoid weirdo”

Why is there a need to be obnoxious for some people? -

starfishmummy · 04/07/2021 21:15

Yabu. Assuming this is your husbands child then he gets a say too and he agreed.

SallyWD · 04/07/2021 21:30

I'd leave it to be honest (unless it's a photo of your child naked or something). It will probably make her feel awkward. Most of her friends won't give the photos a second glance. No one is really interested in babies unless it's their own family. Just learn from this experience and next time you share photos you can say something like "Thought you'd like to see this - but it's not a photo I'd put on social media" or send her photos you don't mind her sharing.

Mollylikestodance · 04/07/2021 21:39

We asked a family member to delete a photo of our newborn - exactly the same circumstance in that it was sent to them in private message but they put it on Facebook.

Am sure they were very unimpressed and thought we were being very precious, but I didn't care. they removed it and have never posted another picture of our kids since which I am thrilled about Grin

Drovememad · 04/07/2021 21:41

@Mollylikestodance

We asked a family member to delete a photo of our newborn - exactly the same circumstance in that it was sent to them in private message but they put it on Facebook.

Am sure they were very unimpressed and thought we were being very precious, but I didn't care. they removed it and have never posted another picture of our kids since which I am thrilled about Grin

had they asked permission from a parent and been granted it?

If not, then it's not the exact same position at all is it?

The DF said his DM could put it on FB.

Mollylikestodance · 04/07/2021 21:46

@Drovememad no, you're right they didn't ask permission so I guess is not exactly the same.

But I feel for the OP. Something about your kids online presence being out of your own control - even as babies - feels very uncomfortable.

OP -

YANBU for feeling how you feel - but maybe you need to let this one go and discuss your feelings and joint 'rules' around this with your partner (and close family?) for the future.

We have been very up front with all family that no one posts pictures of our kids, and it's not been an issue apart from that one time...

Tricklevent · 04/07/2021 22:11

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. If it makes you uncomfortable, ask her if she wouldn’t mind removing them. No one has intentionally done anything wrong. Your husband just didn’t realise you might not like it.