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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to remove FB post?

159 replies

Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:29

The other day I sent two photos of our baby in a private message to my partner, which he then forwarded to his mum. A few days later she posted them on Facebook. To be fair, he said that she did ask him first, however he said yes without checking with me. I myself haven’t posted any photos of our baby on social media yet, and didn’t feel happy about these particular photos being shared. They’re not photos I would choose to share myself and were really just meant for my partner. No big reason, they were just of silly moments with my daughter that I thought my partner would appreciate. AIBU to ask for the post to be deleted?

OP posts:
Drovememad · 03/07/2021 06:10

How was your GH so unaware of your strong feelings about photos on SM?

I think YABU to ask her to remove them.

I'm surprised with such a strong feeling you've not already said to IL, no SM posts.

Although, if your DH is happy then you've not got a right to overrule him.

KatherineJaneway · 03/07/2021 06:13

Personally I'd leave it rather than make a fuss and make MIL feel awkward. She did ask and permission was given. I'd chalk this up to poor communication and let it slide.

CupOfTPlease · 03/07/2021 06:15

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
Weird and odd attitude to have.
ChrissyPlummer · 03/07/2021 06:21

I wouldn’t - your DH is also a parent and gets an equal say in things to do with HIS child. If you feel so strongly, discuss it with him and come to an agreement between the two of you.

HeronLanyon · 03/07/2021 06:23

Differing family dynamics may make this impossible but I would do something like this (or by phone in light friendly fashion)

‘Hi x (general chit chat etc). I’ve got a silly favour to ask you. Those photos of dbaby - I didn’t mean them to go to fb - obviously dh said fine and I love that you checked. Can I send a replacement for you to post instead ? Haven’t posted db photos yet and am being fussy I know. Do you mind swapping ?’

Now if that makes you feel it would all go wrong then probably leave it and lesson learned.

If my dil asked this I’d do it in a heart beat without any problem.

Paddingtonitspaddingtonbear · 03/07/2021 06:31

Its your partners baby too & he gave permission so you are being unreasonable

Melitza · 03/07/2021 06:31

For now I would ask your dh to check his dm has good privacy settings.
We usually share family photos on a messenger group and they are not put on fb.

Backhills · 03/07/2021 06:31

I don't think GM did anything wrong, in fact she did everything right, but there's nothing to stop you saying that but still asking her to remove them.

My test for MIL issues is how would you react if your own mum had done it?

Billandben444 · 03/07/2021 06:36

I would get DH to check on her privacy settings though. My daughter is touchy when I post pictures of my grandson (who's 12 now) but hasn't actually told me not too and my settings are just friends. I'm as proud as punch of him and all my friends do the same sort of thing. Perhaps talk through with your DH how you want this to pan out in the future?

ivfgottwins · 03/07/2021 06:42

I think you are being a bit first time mum precious....your DH was ok with it and she did ask. You'd come across very very poorly now to request it's taken down

Terhou · 03/07/2021 06:44

Does it really matter enough for you to cause family upset?

Milesbennettdyson · 03/07/2021 06:56

I don’t get all this conceited ideas about a family member posting a picture of a baby. Like anyone is interested in looking at your precious baby 😂😂😂

Melitza · 03/07/2021 07:03

@Milesbennettdyson

I don’t get all this conceited ideas about a family member posting a picture of a baby. Like anyone is interested in looking at your precious baby 😂😂😂
Or it could be that OP doesn't think her dc should begin their life with no privacy. SM is hard to keep private.
MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 07:04

@Milesbennettdyson

I don’t get all this conceited ideas about a family member posting a picture of a baby. Like anyone is interested in looking at your precious baby 😂😂😂
It's more the principle of putting a babies picture up and it getting "liked" that I don't like.
Drovememad · 03/07/2021 07:05

Or it could be that OP doesn't think her dc should begin their life with no privacy. SM is hard to keep private.

Shame she didn't agree that with her DH then. Odd it's not been discussed.

MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 07:06

Odd it's not been discussed. not really. A lot of people aren't using SM anymore

Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 07:10

@BackforGood

YANBU to ask her nicely, but, do remember, she did ask the person who sent her them, and that person is also your little one's parent.

This isn't a case of her over stepping any marks.

That.
lborolass · 03/07/2021 07:11

@ivfgottwins

I think you are being a bit first time mum precious....your DH was ok with it and she did ask. You'd come across very very poorly now to request it's taken down
Why are you assuming that, surely most people would happily take down a photo if asked nicely?

Would you not? Is your need to post on Facebook so great that you'd upset a family member? I have to say I'd find that rather concerning and a bit weird

Mandalay246 · 03/07/2021 07:17

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures

Would you say the same if MILs showed actual photos of the GC? Would you say the same about mothers showing pictures of their GC? Their social media will be viewed by their friends in general, not the whole world, so what is wrong with being proud of GC to friends?

nicecheesegromit · 03/07/2021 07:18

I think you just need to chill a bit on it.

She's not done anything wrong.

Are you proposing a blanket ban on her putting any pics of her grandchildren on FB as that would be extreme and controlling? Do you want her to never take a photo of your DC and put it on her FB page? Ever? If so, you probably need to say now.

Or just chill out on the issue

Hesma · 03/07/2021 07:18

You can ask but I think your overreacting. She got permission and posted as a proud grandma. If you really don’t want any pics on SM you need to explain to your dh how you feel so he knows in future

VashtaNerada · 03/07/2021 07:23

I think you either send MIL a replacement photo and ask if she could swap it, or - if you’re not going to have any photos of DC on social media - let this one go and have a chat with your family as a whole about your reasons. I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure I entirely understand why some people are so adamant about this so would probably need it spelled out if it was my grandchild and I was used to sharing photos this way.

tony68 · 03/07/2021 07:29

I think even if you did ask nicely you'd still come across as a complete pain in the fucking arse because she'd asked and baby's dad said ok. Now you want to go over his head probably to exert your authority as mama bear and delete what would be to every one else on gm's sm boring, generic one in a trillion baby photos of baby doing baby things every other baby does. Honestly, unless they're inappropriate photos (which I doubt because she seems thoughtful asking permission in the first place) then leave this go.

candyflossss · 03/07/2021 07:29

if you dont want pictures of your baby on social media then you dont want them on there. that is entirely up to you and actually I think in this scenario you not wanting them online trumps whether your DH does/gave permission.

Youdiditanyway · 03/07/2021 07:31

Your issue here is with DH, she asked for permission and he said yes.