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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to remove FB post?

159 replies

Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:29

The other day I sent two photos of our baby in a private message to my partner, which he then forwarded to his mum. A few days later she posted them on Facebook. To be fair, he said that she did ask him first, however he said yes without checking with me. I myself haven’t posted any photos of our baby on social media yet, and didn’t feel happy about these particular photos being shared. They’re not photos I would choose to share myself and were really just meant for my partner. No big reason, they were just of silly moments with my daughter that I thought my partner would appreciate. AIBU to ask for the post to be deleted?

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 03/07/2021 09:16

We have discussed SM before and he knows that I feel strongly about it which is probably why it took me by surprise that he had told her yes without checking first. I’ll revisit the discussion with him

We never allowed pictures of the children on the web (less common, mine are 90s babies) because even then it was evidently going to become an issue.

I set up a site with limited permissions to share pictures with friends and family so they could log in and see them (there was no FB then!). Its a compromise which might work for you and can be recreated these days with services like flckr. You can restrict access to the pictures and also block them from being downloaded etc if you want to whilst still sharing with friends and family.

I wouldn't do this on a general SM site like FB due to the permissions you give away when you sign up and the ever changing privacy rules catch people out too often.

Macncheeseballs · 03/07/2021 09:16

I don't post anything on social media but i would think it quite sweet if my mil posted pics of m kids

Original poster
Gecko16 · 03/07/2021 09:20

@AnUnoriginalUsername

I think people are looking at this the wrong way. OP isn't kicking off at MIL for doing it , just asking for it taking down. Just say "I know dh said you could put them on Facebook but I'm not comfortable with his pictures on Facebook so could you delete them please? Sorry" no big deal.
Thanks for pointing this out! I’m uncomfortable with the photos being up, but not upset with my MIL for doing it. They’re two separate things.
OP posts:
PurBal · 03/07/2021 09:21

FWIW lots of my friends have a blanket ban on photos of their children on social media. None of our parents use it and neither does DH. I have only posted the odd photo of our wedding, normally without DH in it but always with DH permission. I know PP have said it would be normal for grandparents and other family members to post but in my experience this is the exception not the rule. Posting pictures of other peoples children is not OK.

Confusedandshaken · 03/07/2021 09:25

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
I'm very interested in the grandchildren of some of my friends just as I am interested in the parents of those grandchildren. My interest in someone I've known since babyhood doesn't end the day those children become parents themselves.

On the occasions someone posts a picture of a grandchild that isn't of interest to me I scroll past it.

Chewbecca · 03/07/2021 09:26

Grannies have shared pics of their DC with their friends forever. And many grannies won’t know any reason not to post pics to SM.

Original poster
Gecko16 · 03/07/2021 09:27

@Drovememad

How was your GH so unaware of your strong feelings about photos on SM?

I think YABU to ask her to remove them.

I'm surprised with such a strong feeling you've not already said to IL, no SM posts.

Although, if your DH is happy then you've not got a right to overrule him.

He actually wasn’t unaware, we had already discussed this. He is quite forgetful though!
OP posts:
CoastalWave · 03/07/2021 09:28

Seriously? Not something at all to get your knickers in a twist about. No one is going to care or share these photos. I get that once you post technically its on the internet forever, but the chances of anyone using your photos is beyond miniscule.

Here. Have a grip!

Leave your MIL alone to celebrate her grandchild. So yes you're being completely unreasonable (not to mention obviously having a precious first born moment, but that's allowed, we all did it - come back a few kids later and you'll realise how minor a thing this is, and not something to make an issue over! )

TheDevils · 03/07/2021 09:29

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
Why does anyone post anything on Facebook? Is a picture of someone on holiday or on a night out less attention seeking than grandparents sharing pictures of their grandchildren?

My Mil shares pictures of my DS and her other grandchildren and I think it's lovely.

StillWaters77 · 03/07/2021 09:30

Whilst she hasn't done anything wrong if you haven't put pictures on social media she shouldn't have either.

Original poster
Gecko16 · 03/07/2021 09:30

@MouldyPotato

SupermanInk makes a really good point. I'd thank her for checking with DH first.
Agreed good point thanks
OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 03/07/2021 09:32

I get that once you post technically its on the internet forever, but the chances of anyone using your photos is beyond miniscule

Irrelevant. Not everyone wants to splash their DC all over SM when they are too young to consent.

OP is quite happy for MiL to see the pictures, just not for them to be shared onward to all and sundry. She has also made it quite clear that its not the MiL in the wrong but DH for not thinking.

category12 · 03/07/2021 09:32

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get?

How can both of those statements be true - that no-one is interested yet it's for the likes/attention? Grin So contradictory.

Of course people are interested in other people's babies. Or are you saying when new mums on Mat Leave come into the office with the baby, every one of those people who jumps up to coo over it, is faking? And every person who looks into your pushchair in the park is just doing it for the sake of it?

Macncheeseballs · 03/07/2021 09:32

I really don't get why people get worked up about this, so few people will even see it

Original poster
Gecko16 · 03/07/2021 09:33

@Backhills

I don't think GM did anything wrong, in fact she did everything right, but there's nothing to stop you saying that but still asking her to remove them.

My test for MIL issues is how would you react if your own mum had done it?

I would feel exactly the same way had it been my mum that did it as it’s really just about the photos being up rather than who did what…Smile
OP posts:
worktrip · 03/07/2021 09:40

Presumably they are not naked 'bath' photos? If not them yabu.

Hatethisplacetho · 03/07/2021 09:43

I can’t believe the reactions here. Of course it is not unreasonable to ask for pictures of your baby to be taken down. Especially if you haven’t even posted pics yourself yet!! MIL did ask so she is not in the wrong but you are well within your rights to ask her to take them down.
Would people feel the same about unwanted photos of themselves posted by MIL?? Of course YANBU x

Doghead · 03/07/2021 09:43

"I would feel exactly the same way had it been my mum that did it as it’s really just about the photos being up rather than who did what"

I'm not convinced that's true. You need to get over yourself. ....you're just being precious. MIL clearly loves her grandchild and just wants to show it off. You'd no doubt be on here whining if she wasn't giving enough attention.

Hatethisplacetho · 03/07/2021 09:45

As for “nobody wants photos of your kids get a grip paranoid weirdo” - actually there are groups on FACEBOOK which aggregate pics of kids for disturbing purposes, let alone the rest of the internet. I think people on here have no clue how dark the internet can get.

Blossomtoes · 03/07/2021 09:45

@PurBal

I'd ask them to be taken down, but you also need ot agree with your DP what your social media "policy" is. The fact that people think they can post pictures of other people's children astounds me.
Even when they ask? And are given permission?
candyflossss · 03/07/2021 09:45

I dont think anyone not wanting pictures of their babies online is remotely "precious".

I know a lot of people do but there are all sorts of reasons why some choose not to. I'm not going to go into some of the stories I've heard/read but it's not unwise at all to be vigilant about what we post.

burnoutbabe · 03/07/2021 09:46

I'd afk her to remove it. It's been up a few days and those who would see it have seen it. So really zero embarrassment at taking it down, who would even know if it was removed of her friends?

Else its there forever which is not what you want.

candyflossss · 03/07/2021 09:47

@Hatethisplacetho

As for “nobody wants photos of your kids get a grip paranoid weirdo” - actually there are groups on FACEBOOK which aggregate pics of kids for disturbing purposes, let alone the rest of the internet. I think people on here have no clue how dark the internet can get.
exactly this, like I said I'm not going to go into some of the things I've seen but there is a woman on Instagram who is trying to raise awareness about websites that take pictures from Instagram/Facebook of very young children and let's just say they are absolutely vile so no judgement from me if people choose to keep things to themselves.

obviously, the risk is lessened a bit if you set your privacy to private but a lot of people dont think to do this.

Guavaf1sh · 03/07/2021 09:50

Why on earth would anyone have a problem with a doting grandmother sharing a picture of a baby? What is the issue? The baby is unlikely to be in a witness protection programme, not fostered or adopted, and the chances of child kidnappers being interested are nil. Whatever happened to the ‘it takes a village’ mentality? Do people honestly think sharing pictures like this is harmful in any conceivable way? If so how? And simply saying ‘I’m the mother and I don’t like it so there’ obviously isn’t valid without some sort of reason or justification

Macncheeseballs · 03/07/2021 09:50

But surely those sites could get pictures if kids from anywhere? Local news websites, baby clothes websites etc, there are pictures of kids everywhere, would you not allow a pic of your kids in the local paper, most cute baby or something?