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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to remove FB post?

159 replies

Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:29

The other day I sent two photos of our baby in a private message to my partner, which he then forwarded to his mum. A few days later she posted them on Facebook. To be fair, he said that she did ask him first, however he said yes without checking with me. I myself haven’t posted any photos of our baby on social media yet, and didn’t feel happy about these particular photos being shared. They’re not photos I would choose to share myself and were really just meant for my partner. No big reason, they were just of silly moments with my daughter that I thought my partner would appreciate. AIBU to ask for the post to be deleted?

OP posts:
SueSaid · 03/07/2021 07:45

Oh op please don't ask her to remove them. It's weird and she'll feel embarrassed.

Just be clear next time. Tell your dh to tell her not to post on fb if you feel so strongly about it.

JudgeRindersMinder · 03/07/2021 07:51

This is not the hill to die on

Soontobe60 · 03/07/2021 07:55

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
Because we can’t show off our grandchildren face to face with our friends, who ARE interested, as a result of lockdown. I love seeing my friends grandchildren’s photos. It’s like sharing the best parts of their lives. We are proud of them, we love them. Just because your DIL doesn’t allow you to post pictures of your grandchildren on SM doesn’t mean everyone else’s children are as controlling.
Sally872 · 03/07/2021 07:59

MIL asked a parent and was given permission. To ask her to take them down now would be very unfair as she has done the right thing. It is also embarrassing if her friends ask.

How "silly" can photos of a new grandchild be?

Ponoka7 · 03/07/2021 08:02

@PanamaPattie, some of us do like to see the pictures of our friends children. I've missed the holiday pictures and the Christmas days out that everyone would normally post. Since when don't we take that interest in our friend's lives?

Comedycook · 03/07/2021 08:02

Just leave it

scrambledcustard · 03/07/2021 08:10

On this occasion I'd leave it. She asked permission. Your baby will look like a million other babies and be unrecognisable in a few months to other people.

This isn't a safeguarding issue at this point and I think its a bit controlling on your part.

whatthejiggeries · 03/07/2021 08:11

You need to leave it - you are being a bit ridiculous and you will come across as being purposely awkward. Just let him know next time. You can't control every picture of your child that goes on Facebook when they are older so best get used to it. Unless it's a no social media at all rule you can edit everyone's posts

whatthejiggeries · 03/07/2021 08:13

@PanamaPattie I agree with other posters. I love seeing family pictures as long as they are not every five minutes. I don't know why you think that's a good decision. I think it's really sad. I would never prevent my in-laws from posting pictures of them with their grandkids

Demortuisnilnisibonum · 03/07/2021 08:16

I think it might be better if her son says he’s since checked with you and you’d prefer them to be deleted. Then you should send her directly some lovely photos that you wouldn’t mind her posting.

strawberrydonuts · 03/07/2021 08:29

I'd drop it this time if I were you, but make sure that going forward you are on the same page, so definitely have a conversation with your husband about this.

I wouldn't involve MIL or say anything. It will only make her feel like she's done something wrong, and there's very little point now in asking her to take them down. Whatever you are worried about has already happened and they will now just fade into the background of her profile and not really be viewed much at all.

Social media is very fast, things are posted, viewed and then fade away within a day really.

Sadly it's impossible these days to avoid pictures of your children ever getting onto social media, so your child will have a social media presence even if you tell people not to post anything, it's just inevitable.

I'd be prioritising the relationship with MIL and her feelings and just make a plan going forwards to minimise it.

drumandthebass · 03/07/2021 08:32

Like others have said, she did ask and your husband said yes.

It's not what you want, but is it worth possibly souring your relationship with with MIL for this?

C8H10N4O2 · 03/07/2021 08:36

I agree DH has a say too, but when it comes to things like this I can’t help thinking that both parents

Yes and I would veer toward the more conservative parent where there isn't full agreement.

Ideally this should have been discussed before so discuss it now for future pictures but I'd probably let this one go unless there is something specific in it that you want changed.

MrsMiddleMother · 03/07/2021 08:46

Of course yanbu to ask her to take them down. Yes she did the right thing by asking before posting, but you didn't know and you're not comfortable with it so you have every right.

Original poster
Gecko16 · 03/07/2021 08:56

@SleepingStandingUp

Is baby undressed in them? If so yes and discuss not sharing such photos outside the two of you.

Otherwise I'd chalk it up to experience but discuss if you're both in agreement of keeping all photos of her off SM and how you decide which photos his family are allowed to see

She’s only in her nappy in one of them. We have discussed SM before and he knows that I feel strongly about it which is probably why it took me by surprise that he had told her yes without checking first. I’ll revisit the discussion with him Smile
OP posts:
butterpuffed · 03/07/2021 08:57

Because they love them and consider them part of their family even though it's only the children of their son??

They are family then !

MakeMeCleanTheHouse · 03/07/2021 09:02

I see several pictures of fri3nds grandchildren as I'm reaching that age. I love seeing them (small amounts) as it shows a family love which is very special.

I can't see anything conceited or unpleasant in it ? What do you think will happen to your child because of the pictures? Realistically?

NeedsImprovement01 · 03/07/2021 09:05

Is the issue you don't want any photos on social media or those particular photos? If its a social media ban, discuss with your DH, and he can tell her what you decided. If its those particular photos can you offer her a more suitable alternative?

I know I can use WhatsApp to communicate snapshots of what's going on in the day, photos which can be appropriate to share with my husband as an update (like baby being cute, but dirty laundry in background) but not what I'd want published more widely (yes MIL I mean you printing out and putting on Christmas card to who knows who without asking).

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/07/2021 09:05

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
Just MILs? What about DMs? My mum posts pictures of my children on her Facebook. It’s no more attention seeking than me posting pictures of my children. If we weren’t fine with the pictures, she wouldn’t post them but we are so she does. She has friends who are interested in my children too but not close enough to see regularly.
HoppingPavlova · 03/07/2021 09:06

I don’t think only being in a nappy counts as a nude shot so it would be disingenuous to play that angle. It’s really not worth making things awkward over at this point. She did the right thing, your DH and you were not on the same page and now you are so that’s fine moving forward and this won’t happen again. No issues with these photos being there at present, no one can identify your baby, bless they have a big birthmark on their face or something else that distinguishes them then they’ll look pretty much identical to the other millions of baby photos on the internet to anyone who is not you. No more go up moving forward, problem solved.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/07/2021 09:07

Meant to add in my reply to @PanamaPattie, my mum is DH’s MIL. If my MIL (just as much my children’s grandmother as my mum and loves them just as much) wanted to post pictures, I’d be fine with that too.

Notonthestairs · 03/07/2021 09:08

If your MIL is as thoughtful as she sounds and you get on well I'd give her a call and say that you've decided that you won't be putting photos up on FB/social media because of privacy worries. I expect she'll offer to remove them.

Moorelewis · 03/07/2021 09:10

No YANBU I hate photos of children posted on social media, particularly if accounts aren't private. I would ask her nicely to remove them.

PurBal · 03/07/2021 09:13

I'd ask them to be taken down, but you also need ot agree with your DP what your social media "policy" is. The fact that people think they can post pictures of other people's children astounds me.

withgraceinmyheart · 03/07/2021 09:15

I’d asked her to take them down if you’re uncomfortable with them, especially if she’s only wearing a nappy in one as you say.

Like you she said she hasn’t done anything wrong, it’s a miscommunication between you and Dh. If you explain it like that I don’t think she’d have a problem unless she’s super sensitive or there’s a back story.

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