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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bitchy mums at school

220 replies

Iamcatwalk · 21/06/2021 18:45

Ok, long story cut short. My kid is in a school ( particularly in his class) where mums insist too much on socialising. There’s is group of four mums who are bitchy and quite snobbish. These mums when together wouldn’t talk to me but if I meet them separately, three of them are quite nice to me. When we gather together in a party ( they talk through eyes ), not a single of them say hello or acknowledge my presence. I tried my best to be good with them for years but now recently it feels like it’s NOT ME actually, it’s THEM. I thought I am not trying enough. They also try to include others with them and try every possible way to make me alone and miserable. They are very good with other mums or any new people for that matter. I am Asian so is it just because of my skin colour that makes them hate me or something else ? I can’t believe what happiness people get by making other people feel so miserable. Are they not happy in their life so they feel happy after bitching about others ? Seriously can’t understand at all. Help me with your views and opinions.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 21/06/2021 18:47

I hear you...there's a similar group of mums at my dcs school. It's awful. I'm a nice enough, reasonably confident person but these women make me feel like I'm dirt on their shoe. You have my sympathy!

BlatantlyNameChanged · 21/06/2021 18:48

Honestly? I'd stay away from them. They're not your friends, they've clearly got no interest in being your friend, and you don't even like them or you wouldn't consider them to be bitches. I'd leave them to get on with whatever it is they're doing and focus on yourself and your DC, before you know it your DC will be at the age where you don't even need to go into the yard at all so I wouldn't give them the headspace.

NCwhatsmynameagain · 21/06/2021 18:48

There are always bitchy mums. It’s not you and it’s unlikely it’s personal. It’s just you’re not in their clique. Insecure people need to feel their clique is tight and exclusive, it makes them feel special and important. Ignore and find better people to make friends with.

Ohmygoshandfolly · 21/06/2021 18:49

It could be related to your race but in all likelihood they’re just arseholes, best steering clear at all costs.

LawnFever · 21/06/2021 18:50

Next time one of them tries to speak to you when they’re on their own call them out on it, it’s very childish of them, why are people like this??

accentdusoleil · 21/06/2021 18:53

Urgh. Do you need people like that in your life ? What are they going to add to your life ?

Cam2020 · 21/06/2021 18:54

There are people who do this in just about any imaginable scenario. Forget about them, they're not nice people, they haven't matured since being on the other side of the school gates and you sure as hell don't want to be 'friends' with them, so leave them to it. You spend about 20 mins probably of your day there, why give it so much thought?

StoneofDestiny · 21/06/2021 18:55

Avoid them - you don't need them in your life.

Morgan12 · 21/06/2021 18:56

Awk fuck them. Lifes too short to worry about a bunch of daft wee girls.

Stichintime · 21/06/2021 18:57

Stop any socialising with them. Be polite but distant if you have to speak to them. They are not your friends.

Iamcatwalk · 21/06/2021 19:00

A year ago, one of the mum had his DC’s birthday and even after knowing that I am vegetarian and don’t drink served only alcohol and peoporoni pizza. And I was just standing there with my water bottle when all parents are enjoying their drinks. I have always tried being positive and looked into myself. But no matter how much I tried, it was never acknowledged or appreciated.

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Maggiesfarm · 21/06/2021 19:01

I feel for you but it is a fact that some people just don't 'click'.

It is possible to go through your children's school days without any great involvement with other parents. It doesn't mean you are unfriendly, you are just 'busy'. I managed it - hated the idea of being pushed into socialising with people I only knew through school so just didn't. We were none the worse for it.

I think you make better friendships at work and in other places.

icelollycraving · 21/06/2021 19:02

I smile politely but I’m friends with a couple of mums, I’m extremely private so even the ones I’m friendly with know very little about me.
If it was you being Asian that was their issue, they’d probably have not spoken to you at all. They are just older mean girls. Smile politely and don’t engage.

Iamcatwalk · 21/06/2021 19:05

It’s not about friendship. It’s about being polite. The very basic etiquette which people should have. Of course I am not jumping around to be friends with them but completely avoiding me infront of other bunch of people just pisses me off. What message are they trying to give others ?

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Comedycook · 21/06/2021 19:07

It's bizarre isn't it. I have had long conversations with some mums and the next day at the school gates, they totally blank me. People can be strange.

HazyDaisy123456 · 21/06/2021 19:08

In my experience forget them. I have two DC and their were always lots of bitchy, cliquey mums at the school gates in both of my DC’s classes (but sometimes one or two other parents also on the periphery were ok - I found I got on better with the dads).

It isn’t to do with the colour of your skin. I am white I felt out of it as a slightly older mum who didn’t have long blonde hair, wasn’t a size 8-12 and wasn’t always caked in make up. I worked part time so felt shunned and judged by the SAHM’s who often lingered for ages chatting and thought they were a cut above and also by the busy mums who worked full time who were rarely there, were always in a rush and networked the playground only speaking to other mums who they felt could benefit them or their DC in some way.

If you want to laugh about all this watch Motherland on tv think its maybe channel 4.

omgthepain · 21/06/2021 19:10

Avoid and steer clear of anyone awful!
Quite simple really

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2021 19:11

@Iamcatwalk

A year ago, one of the mum had his DC’s birthday and even after knowing that I am vegetarian and don’t drink served only alcohol and peoporoni pizza. And I was just standing there with my water bottle when all parents are enjoying their drinks. I have always tried being positive and looked into myself. But no matter how much I tried, it was never acknowledged or appreciated.
What did the kids drink then?
Iamcatwalk · 21/06/2021 19:14

I was also wondering, are these women not happy in their lives ? Somewhere I also feel something wrong in thier lives which make them behave like that ? Because I don’t see a point where a happy and content person would go around and torture other people.

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Iamcatwalk · 21/06/2021 19:17

They had juice I guess. I mean not a simple decency of keeping just a can of coke or something else. It would cost a pound.

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WorraLiberty · 21/06/2021 19:19

It's very strange I agree.

Especially when you think of how many people don't drink alcohol anyway, or would be driving their kids to and from the party.

They should've offered those people juice.

ConstanceGracy · 21/06/2021 19:23

I have the same thing.
Literally just been snubbed by them as I dared to speak to one of the mums about their child who was saying nasty stuff on FaceTime to our dd’s.
Apparently it’s not the done thing and I should have just carried on bitching about the mum and the kid behind her back with them rather than try and sort it out as they prefer “not to be involved”
Bloody ridiculous so staying well away now

Iamcatwalk · 21/06/2021 19:24

I mean there was no one who didn’t drink. It was only me. I mean you can bring tons of bottles of beer or wine but not a single can of coke or juice ? It simply shows they just wanted to make me feel miserable. I hope whatever they have done to me happen to them as well so they understand how much it hurts.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/06/2021 19:27

@Iamcatwalk

I mean there was no one who didn’t drink. It was only me. I mean you can bring tons of bottles of beer or wine but not a single can of coke or juice ? It simply shows they just wanted to make me feel miserable. I hope whatever they have done to me happen to them as well so they understand how much it hurts.
You might be taking it a bit personally there. I mean how did they know every single parent would want alcohol and they'd all be getting taxis/lifts there and back?

Perhaps it just happened to work out that you were the only one not drinking but either way, it's weird you weren't offered some of the juice.

Emilyontmoor · 21/06/2021 19:36

It’s exclusive alpha girl behaviour. As another poster said they haven’t matured since they were the other side of the school gate when they were in the “popular group” . They snub others who don’t conform to their norms to make themselves feel better about themselves. Their norms are usually being thin, blonde, and fixated on their homes and interior design, but not necessarily. Though I have yet to meet any that were fixated on literature or anything cerebral, but I have encountered members of the cliques who were Asian. I always found like minded friends who had no time for it either but never felt it was essential to have school mum friends. I have only kept in touch with a handful who I have things in common with long term.

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