Bitchy mums at school

[Iamcatwalk]

Ok, long story cut short. My kid is in a school ( particularly in his class) where mums insist too much on socialising. There’s is group of four mums who are bitchy and quite snobbish. These mums when together wouldn’t talk to me but if I meet them separately, three of them are quite nice to me. When we gather together in a party ( they talk through eyes ), not a single of them say hello or acknowledge my presence. I tried my best to be good with them for years but now recently it feels like it’s NOT ME actually, it’s THEM. I thought I am not trying enough. They also try to include others with them and try every possible way to make me alone and miserable. They are very good with other mums or any new people for that matter. I am Asian so is it just because of my skin colour that makes them hate me or something else ? I can’t believe what happiness people get by making other people feel so miserable. Are they not happy in their life so they feel happy after bitching about others ? Seriously can’t understand at all. Help me with your views and opinions.

They sound awful. Like previous posters have said, avoid at all costs. No idea why people have to be like this. Take care xxx

Wait all the adults drank alcohol at a kiids birthday party?? How did they get their kiids home? Sorry find that really hard to believe

Mind it these women are working mums but when they open mouth, they only talk shit or about wine. Nothing else !

I know, it’s unbelievable but all of them had more or less alcohol.

@Iamcatwalk

A year ago, one of the mum had his DC’s birthday and even after knowing that I am vegetarian and don’t drink served only alcohol and peoporoni pizza. And I was just standing there with my water bottle when all parents are enjoying their drinks. I have always tried being positive and looked into myself. But no matter how much I tried, it was never acknowledged or appreciated.

It seems to be a thing now that mothers/fathers stay at birthday parties. In my kids' days we dropped them off and picked them up at the end. I can't imagine anything worse than sitting or standing around like a spare part at a children's party so power to you for going.

It is ridiculous that there were no soft drinks - what were the children drinking? They shouldn't have been drinking alcohol whilst in charge of kids. For the record, I don't drink either.

Just ignore the lot of them, you are worth more.

I know. These women are seemingly so close but on other occasions they ignore each other also. They also secretly organise some dinner out or coffee mornings and exclude me but make sure that I somehow should know about it.

Who knows why they are like that but it may be that you don’t drink. Some people associate being sociable with consuming alcohol and think those who don’t are dull and boring, or think too highly if themselves.

@Iamcatwalk

Mind it these women are working mums but when they open mouth, they only talk shit or about wine. Nothing else !

Ha! There's a really cliquey bunch of mums at my dc school. I once overheard their conversation and it was such mindless drivel. Ghastly

If you want other people to change their behaviour first change yours OP. I would be careful not to seek their approval or to let them occupy too much of your headspace, which they clearly are doing - do they deserve so much of your time?. Cultivate other friendships in the school and elsewhere. Breezy quick smile if you must but otherwise give them a wide berth. It’s a policy I adopted early on when my children were small and I could see cliques forming and I was clearly not ticking their suburban boxes. Over the years the group got diluted and I made some good friends. If they are tossers then people will work them out, if they are racist tossers that will go down badly with most people. But you may also be over analysing their deliberate intent too when you say, “it simply shows they just wanted to make me feel miserable”, that’s an interpretation not a fact, they could be careless or forgetful or a bit stupid. But whatever they are there is no point in trying to change them; it’s a waste of your precious time when there are others who would treat you with respect and friendship.

@YouokHun

If you want other people to change their behaviour first change yours OP. I would be careful not to seek their approval or to let them occupy too much of your headspace, which they clearly are doing - do they deserve so much of your time?. Cultivate other friendships in the school and elsewhere. Breezy quick smile if you must but otherwise give them a wide berth. It’s a policy I adopted early on when my children were small and I could see cliques forming and I was clearly not ticking their suburban boxes. Over the years the group got diluted and I made some good friends. If they are tossers then people will work them out, if they are racist tossers that will go down badly with most people. But you may also be over analysing their deliberate intent too when you say, “it simply shows they just wanted to make me feel miserable”, that’s an interpretation not a fact, they could be careless or forgetful or a bit stupid. But whatever they are there is no point in trying to change them; it’s a waste of your precious time when there are others who would treat you with respect and friendship.

Good advice

@Iamcatwalk

I mean there was no one who didn’t drink. It was only me. I mean you can bring tons of bottles of beer or wine but not a single can of coke or juice ? It simply shows they just wanted to make me feel miserable. I hope whatever they have done to me happen to them as well so they understand how much it hurts.

This sounds really quite paranoid.

@Iamcatwalk

Mind it these women are working mums but when they open mouth, they only talk shit or about wine. Nothing else !

You obviously hate them. Why not try and make some other friends?

Op, I think you need to accept that some women are so insecure that they have to exclude others for fear of being excluded themselves . I think this sort of behaviour exists in all school playgrounds . Just find some nice mums and ignore the others.

Yes it’s awful. I’m overweight and older and have been excluded.
Therefore- I put all my focus on my children, smile breezily a d say hello to the kind parents. I also do not want to be part of their world anymore. In 4 years time I’ll never see any of these bitches again.
Agree with comment on watching Motherland

The school gate is awful, OP. I don’t think it’s necessarily connected to race. It usually is just one dominant clique. I didn’t fit in because I worked and my husband was at home with the kids.
The only reason I cared was because our kids were quite shy and it never helped with integration
Mostly I found the whole thing absolutely ridiculous and was grateful that nobody I worked with was like that..

They don’t like you, you don’t like them, so I wouldn’t bother about wasting anymore thought on them.

They sound utterly vile.. the were likely like this AT school too.. they just progressed to the school gates now..

You are right.. it's not you .. it's THEM...

Avoid them at all costs, if possible.. and I wouldn't entertain any of them sidling up to you when they are alone... but ignoring you when together.. Walk away like you haven't noticed them..

It's on a par with Bullying... friggin nasty...

I'm so sorry....

You are saying the truth. I can’t change others but myself. It’s just that I needed to express myself somewhere because all these years all I had tried is to improve myself but the problem is not in me, it’s just THEM. I am type of a person who can’t even imagine hurting others so when something like this happens, I don’t know how to take it. Thank you for your advice. But again I would like to clear this out - I am or was not looking for friends in them. It’s just the basic greetings people share when they meet. You don’t IGNORE them like they are invisible.

They also secretly organise some dinner out or coffee mornings and exclude me but make sure that I somehow should know about it.

But they're not your close friends? You only speak occasionally to them individually, and never as a group. Why are you expecting invitations to dinner? They don't sound particularly nice, but you sound over invested and paranoid, OP.

The thing to remember is most people are cowards and sheep. They want to be accepted by the group so they do whatever they have to to fit in with the clique. It's pathetic really.

I meant Class coffee mornings or dinner outs. They should message in group but no they will go other way around and make another group and ask other parents to join.

Yes, that’s what I hate about it. People want to be part of such group.

Sounds like the parents at my kids school! They will say hello and even have a conversation outside of school, but as soon as they’re together or in the playground, they completely ignore me.

I just ignore them all now, all of the time, as if I haven’t seen them and the more I do this, the more I actually don’t notice them or think about it at all.

Class coffee mornings? Class dinners out?

Is this a new thing? DS has been to both state and very nice private school, and there have been no such things at either

Unless they're arranged by the school, they're not really "class" anything. Just 4 women, out of presumably many more than 4, who meet socially, and sometimes invite other mothers.

Are you saying the whole classes mother's go out without just you?

Yes it’s a thing at my school. There are coffee mornings where all mums can meet up and have a chat. Also there are occasional dinners like Christmas dinners or new year lunches where all the mums can go as well, but then of course people are busy so few of them cannot make it.