Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

Yanbu to want or to do this, but you are likely fighting a losing battle I'm afraid...

I posted almost the exact same post on here over a decade ago, and got lots of sneery "you can't control his name" and "He'll call himself that soon anyway, its the usually shortening".
Well, I did say it to everyone who used the nickname and they stopped, and my son never used the shortening and when asked said he thinks its a different name entirely to his and he doesn't like it.

So yeah, just say it. His name is his name, not whatever they want to call him.

I think I’d mention it on the door rather than send an email - “oh by the way we’ve never called him so he may not recognise it”

Just tell them. You will be seething inside otherwise.

It's perfectly reasonable to ask them to call him by his name.

Absolutely you should talk to them about it, the shortened version is not his name. As you say, if he chooses to use the shortened version when he is old enough then that will be for him to decide, but for now, you get to chose how he is addressed not nursery.

If it's Alfie for Alfred, Billy for William, or Jamie for James etc yanbu. But if it's Archie for Archibald, people will shorten it all of his life.

Correct them. All services should be using preferred names and they are way behind the times.

Surrey it's a case of please call him Richard rather than Dick as we don't use that shortening etc.

*surely

Of course you can!

@Ponoka7 it is one of your first ones

I won’t be able to mention it on the door as his childminder usually drops him off. I was going to say in the email he might not recognise it as that is my main concern. My husband suggested I write something about having put it on all the forms…. He clearly does not understand people in education are not customer service and are never deliberately doing the wrong thing!! I’ve been so happy with his start there so I will need ruin that as well!

Being a teacher gives you a more rounded (and paranoid) view of contacting childcare providers I think

yes, be that parent.

they have no right to essentially re-name your child.

I think if its an inevitable shortening then go with it. You can micromanage it in a nursery but beyond that will probably be out of your control.

I have had a similar situation in that my daughter has a “long” name that can be shortened a number of ways. She uses her full name generally, but if shortened, uses one of the less common variants. So think Elizabeth - but she’s Betty rather than Liz. If anyone refers to her as Liz, I usually say (nicely) - “Oh, just so you know - Elizabeth is always known as Betty for short. If you call her Liz, she might not know you’re talking to her!”. And people clock it and don’t take offence.

If I was the carer id be, not quite mortified, but along those lines if I was calling the child the wrong name.

I have the exact same issue with my DS' name, it's always being shortened. I have just said to people that he refers to himself as XYZ, please don't shorten his name and if he wants to shorten it when he's older, then that will be his decision to make.

MIL doesn't accept that though 🙄

I think it depends on the name(s), tbh.
For example, if he was called Theodore and they called him Theo (literally just dropping the end) you'd probably need to suck it up as inevitable. But if they changed the whole sound to use Teddy, that is a starting to be a different name and you'd be reasonable to say something.

Correct, correct and correct again.
And send a strong worded but friendly email to the manager now.

I was going to say in the email he might not recognise it as that is my main concern.

I wouldn't say this, they can just say oh he recognises it fine, and carry on.

in fact a friend is baptised as Ben.
not Benjamin, Ben.
it's on his birth certificate.

yet people keep trying to twatsplain his own name to him and he has to correct them that his name is not Benjamin!
(we also know a Sam who is not Samuel)

so it goes both ways.

I wouldn't say this, they can just say oh he recognises it fine, and carry on.

If you get that sort of response, though, it’s then perfectly justifiable to say “I’m trying to be courteous and friendly about this, but I’m asking you directly not to do it….”

'Dear Manager,

Hope you are well.

It's come to my attention that on numerous occasions, staff have referred to my DC as "Ben".

For clarification, my son's name is Benjamin and is only known and responds to his full name, as I have said at registration and on multiple occasions since.

I trust this will be rectified with staff going forwards.

Yours,

OP.'

It's your kid and it's a simple correction. Just send the email and be direct. Don't give a damn who's vexxed or pleased, you can't have the child confused.

Yes you should mention it. There is a reason for the forms surely.
Name:
Known as:

I don't expect to write
Name: Tallulah
Known as: Tallulah
And then have everyone start calling my kid Tally or something. Obviously as they get older and have nicknames that is fine, but for now it should be your request. I also would expect if I put Benjamin known as Ben that my child would then be called Benjamin.

We preempted this by giving a name we much prefer the short version of - otherwise there was a name I would have loved to use but hate the shortening .

I would say something though. At least enjoy it in full while you can.

I think you should. Thirty years I wouldn't be that parent because I was a teacher too! The bloody shortened name stuck because the other children started to use it as well. I've regretted not nipping it in the bud.

YABU. If you call your child a name with a commonly shortened version you should expect this.