Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

My DD has a name that can be shortened in several ways - think Elizabeth to Beth, Lizzie etc but not that, I'll use that in my example though.

DD hates it and is always known by her full name. There's 2 other girls in her class with the same name, and one of the other girls also doesn't like it shortened either. They've always been known as Elizabeth Smith and Elizabeth Jones (not real names). The 3rd girl changes between Elizabeth and Lizzie so is known as both at school, so either Elizabeth Taylor or just Lizzie. The teacher seems to cope (as did the Reception and Year 1 teachers) and never had a problem when I told her Elizabeth doesn't like her name shortened.

And DD hasn't asked for it to be shortened in almost 7 years. She knows it can be shortened but when anyone asks her she says "My name is Elizabeth".

@RainbowsBrowniesLove

My DD has a name that can be shortened in several ways - think Elizabeth to Beth, Lizzie etc but not that, I'll use that in my example though.

DD hates it and is always known by her full name. There's 2 other girls in her class with the same name, and one of the other girls also doesn't like it shortened either. They've always been known as Elizabeth Smith and Elizabeth Jones (not real names). The 3rd girl changes between Elizabeth and Lizzie so is known as both at school, so either Elizabeth Taylor or just Lizzie. The teacher seems to cope (as did the Reception and Year 1 teachers) and never had a problem when I told her Elizabeth doesn't like her name shortened.

And DD hasn't asked for it to be shortened in almost 7 years. She knows it can be shortened but when anyone asks her she says "My name is Elizabeth".

Hates it shortened that should be.

There's a TA in yR who seems to rename the children to shortened versions regardless of parental preference and from that point, everyone else learns the wrong name through school. I wasn't particularly aware of this with DS2 (DS1's name is more shortening proof) but other staff will have already been introduced to DS2's name via DS1. A friend's DC1 had the same/ similar name to several other children and just got renamed which she didn't like at a and it's a long running battle to be known as the correct name.

DS2 is getting known by the shorter version more as he gets older. I don't mind so much in informal communications, but it is annoying on things such as certificates. He is always the full version at home because another relative uses the unisex short version (e.g. Alex) and it's basically the other relative's name, not his.

It's pretty arrogent to just rename another person without their (or their parents') consent.
Schools/ nurseries have a preferred name for this reason, and when I taught in secondary, I always asked what version pupils prefered when meeting them rather than making it up myself.

We call DD by her full name but since yr 7 she has been known by a common diminutive. I think you can tell nursery staff and teachers what you expect your DC to be called but obviously you can't influence friends.

The parents of my nephew used to jump on anyone who shortened his name.

I said to my husband at the time, "if he wants to be known as his nickname when he's older there will be jack shit they can do about it but they may as well enjoy it while they can.

He is now a she and goes by the name of Amy 🤷‍♀️

It depends a bit on what the name acually is, but if they refer to him by s bamd yoh don't like thrm he will eventually stsrt answering to it. Depending on the name, you might be fighting a losing battle. But also there are lots of quite long names which never get shortened , so if they can manage to keep calling Erica by her full name without shortening to Erry then then should be able to avoid shortening Oliver to Olly

It never ends. When my father was in an old people's home we had to put signs in his room - my name is David and I like to be called David.

I had an issue in nursery with the one classroom assistant changing the spelling of my child's name. There are 2 common spellings we used the one spelling she used the other one. I would regularly remind her as it upset my daughter that her drawings and paintings had the wrong name on. I had to speak to the Teacher in the end and say I wanted them to use the correct spelling as it was confusing for my child. It stopped after that. You should be able to tell them to stick to your child's given name!

Yes you absolutely can remind them that his name is Katherine not Katy.

My DDs teacher calls her by her full name even though she calls herself the shortened version as do we. It's a battle I chose not to fight because there's 1000 more things she does that have a genuinely serious effect on DD. But if her teacher in the year she's moving into continue with the full name I'll have a word with her because she's much more approachable!

I think you can say something at this age but as they go to school, particularly secondary school, your influence over this will cease.

We have the opposite problem, my DD's name is often associated with being a boy's name so people sometimes refer to her full name as it is the girl version. In all honesty, she has never been referred to in that way as we chose the name as we like the shortened version but nobody in our families have the shortened name on their certificates so we didn't do that.

I think it is fairly usual for names with an obvious nickname to be shortened so if his name is Alfred shortening it to Alfie is fairly standard, I know several Alfreds all known as Alfie as toddlers. Some of them are now going by Alf but none still use the whole name day-to-day. Similarly most Jessica’s I know becoming known as Jess and Thomas’s become Tom etc in everyday situations.

I think it is fine to ask that he’s not known by the shortened version on any paperwork etc or when being talked about formally (Eg: parents evenings, handovers) but I think realistically you have to accept people will shorten his name in everyday usage. I’m a teacher and although I will use given names when addressing the children for things like the register I also have affectionate nicknames for all of my kids which I might use day-to-day (Eg: Stewart is always Stewart for the register or when reading out which students are going to which activity but if talking to him individually I might say something like, ‘Good job Stewie-Stew!’ even that’s totally not what he’s known as!)

My real name is “posh”. The shortened version is almost a completely different name and not “posh” . When I meet people for the first time I’m almost always asked if I’m called by the short version. I have never worked out a version of how to say no I’m not that doesn’t seem to put people off me for a slight moment or makes me feel “like that person” . So I feel your pain.

I'd speak to them about it. I once had a Jenny and Jennifer (both age 2). The Jennifer regularly corrected you to Jennifer when you were talking to the Jenny. The Jenny then started correcting the Jennifer as her name was Jenny not Jennifer. Looking back they were both very strong willed.

If it got your dander up that much why did you name him that anyway?
Absolutely write in and correct them but once his peers rather than his teachers start using the shorter name (especially if it’s a mouthful) it’s out of your control.
Unless his full name isn’t a mouthful

My sisters name is "George" one of the teachers called her "Georgiana" constantly, punished her for not answering to it and kept her in for not knowing how to spell it.
They called my mother in to complain about her and to 'sort it out at home' School in the 70s.
My mother definitely was THAT PARENT 😁
the teacher never crossed us again and my sister was able to use her own unusual name freely.
Not George and Georgiana but I cannot think of another example except for the actual name

Quick, friendly email.

Hi
I just wanted to let you know that we use 'Alfred' rather than Alfie and although I know lots of people probably use the short version, we would prefer staff to use this please.
thanks