Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

s a teacher you would know the education system uses the legal name

The educatio system uses whatever name you tell them to use.

Depends on the name really.

If its Alexander and they are calling him Alex, Thomas, Tom, or Benjamin, Ben, or Samuel, Sam, or William, Will, or Peter, Pete, or Charles, Charlie - I think it's kind of natural, they are the kind of true shortenings you can't really dictate.

If his name is Edward and you call him Edward or Ned, and they are calling him Teddy, then that is more difficult.

*Don't send this for Christ's sake, otherwise you really will be that parent!

Just reply informally saying sorry for not mentioning it before but you don't actually use the shortened version.

Job done.*

@BobMortimersPetOwl

Precisely what would OP be apologising for? And she has mentioned it before.

There's nothing wrong with being authoritative and direct. I've named my child, he's referred to only by that name, and he's in your care for X amount of hours during the day: you'll refer to him as I have asked you to, not how you see you fit. It is beyond rude to rename anyone's child.

@Excitablemuch

I’m a teacher too and I get emails saying “please refer to x by only x” etc. I just think ok and make sure I do it. I don’t hate the parent who sends the email. I’m sure you don’t either you just go about your day, I’m sure the childcare provider will have the same reaction.

I’ve been there twice and never won with my youngest they started to call her the shortened name when she was in year 2 I think and it went on to the next year. I queried it because I didn’t like the shortened version and asked them to call her by her actual name and they checked the school records and somebody had changed to records to reflect the shortened name! I had to have it changed with the receptionist and she doesn’t know how it happened. All my DD’s official books and reports etc were for the shortened name. She’s almost in the last year of primary now so I’ve given up as when she’s in high school it should sort itself out. But it is still frustrating!

I spent 12 months correct nursery about DD1 both names.

The surname is odd -anglicized and slightly altered by settled accent- result it deviates slightly from pronunciation expectation from spelling.

Then her first name - apparrently unknown to us there's a more common pronuciation that deviates from the spelling and a less common prouncataion that follows the spelling. We picked the name partly to make spelling easier.

Nursery used wrong surname and first name constantly and a few times staff argued with us about it but it didn't cause the problems we feared - school never had an issue.

DS - it's an abbrevaition of a more biblical name - had to insist to some people -again not schools- that it was his name and not the uusal full name.

Youngest has a common old fashioned name - we often add "ISE "to it -and it's never been an issue though few teacher have double checked what her actal name is with is after hearing us use it.

So I don't think your unreasonable to ask for correct name to be used especially with not such a young child but I don't think it will cause problems as chidlren do adapt.

But also don't be suprised when people don't do as you ask - it's been eye opening having grown up with very common names what utter dicks some peopple can be about them.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11 Yes I agree! I love Billie for a girl because there is no association

My daughter had a reception teacher who ALWAYS made up nicknames which included only the first part of my daughter's name , it got to the point my daughter smiled but felt very uncomfortable about it. At first I thought it was a term of endearment but the nicknames became more and more strange to the point I thought she wasn't doing it in a harmless way anymore. By the time it got to that point my daughter was changing teacher's but I should have said something about it. I regret that. My son has a name that can be shortened but we never do at home however his teacher's do, this doesn't bother me at all, he is a 13 now and I think he quite likes it when his teacher's/peers shorten his name, he is older enough to tell them himself now if it bothered him.

@updownroundandround

It sounds like you already are tbh.

I'm sorry, but I think that trying to 'police' whether others use an abbreviated version of your child's name is being ''precious''.

Just keep using the name you'd like them to be called, and leave it up to your DC whether or not they'd like any abbreviations used.

By the time he reaches late primary or early secondary, chances are he'll be known as something else entirely !
(e.g Ian Henderson = Hendo or Michael McIntosh = Tosh or Mac)

Agree with this. Sending an email seems a bit OTT as well. If it’s that important you say something, just mention it next time you drop off or pick up

My name is Susan, and until I was in my late teens I got very shirty if anyone called me Sue. Then for some reason I started preferring it, and now no-one except people reading official forms calls me Susan.

Absolutely fine to ask them nicely to use his full name because that's what you prefer! They should use any name you state as the 'Known as' name. Especially as it's nursery and you're presumably paying them handsomely to care for him on a regular basis, not just a random meeting him in the street....
Two of my children have 3 syllable names and the boy's name is very commonly shortened to a 1 syllable version of this; I actually wouldn't mind anyone using the shortened version of it (not sure how he accepting he would be!!), but interestingly no-one has ever tried to shorten it in all his time at preschool and now primary school..... Go figure.

My name is one of those names.
I always was called by my full name even tho everyone of same name uses the shortened version. However, now I am a middle aged woman people have started to call me by the shortened version even if I am introduced to them using full version. I hate it but feel it would be pretentious of me to correct them.
My son is in the same position although he introduces himself by shortened version so doesn't mind ..however we still use full version at home.

My name is routinely shortened without my consent. It really annoys me especially when I've already introduced myself using my full name. So please, if you don't like the shortened version, tell people now and don't allow them to re-name your child.

I never understand in these threads why someone deliberately chooses a name that any rational person knows might be shortened to a name they hate.

As PP have said, you just set yourself up for a lifetime of grief.

@Oscaree

My name is routinely shortened without my consent. It really annoys me especially when I've already introduced myself using my full name. So please, if you don't like the shortened version, tell people now and don't allow them to re-name your child.

As children get older they will choose what they want to be called. For example, a boy called 'David' may correct another person who calls him 'Dave', in a polite way, just by repeating, 'David'.

Most people I know say that nicknames are for friends. I think it is rude to shorten someone's name without their consent but you cannot impose such rules on small children, they perceive that as being rather 'stuffy' and will do it anyway.

@socalledfriend

I never understand in these threads why someone deliberately chooses a name that any rational person knows might be shortened to a name they hate.

As PP have said, you just set yourself up for a lifetime of grief.

My Mum didn't want my sister to have a name that could be shortened, so called her Julie. Guess who's friends called her Ju?

If the childminder drops off ask her to mention it

So what if you're "that" parent? Join the club! Just correct them. It's your kid. They don't get to rename him for you.

Yeah, I did this with one of mine. Worked well when young but when they progressed to upper primary other kids naturally used it and on going to high school everyone did. Game over.

Send the email. My DD’s name can be shortened but I’ve never shortened it and when she started school I told them we didn’t shorten it so they never did. You need to tell them.

It sounds like you already are tbh

I'm sorry, but I think that trying to 'police' whether others use an abbreviated version of your child's name is being ''precious''

Just keep using the name you'd like them to be called, and leave it up to your DC whether or not they'd like any abbreviations used.

By the time he reaches late primary or early secondary, chances are he'll be known as something else entirely
(e.g Ian Henderson = Hendo or Michael McIntosh = Tosh or Mac

I agree. I always find these threads odd. I have a name that can be lengthened and shortened and has several variations and spellings. It doesn't bother me if someone calls me one of those as it's usually done out of affection. However, I'd never shorten someone else's unless they told me to, but if they got all arsey about it, I'd think they were a knob.

When my kids first started talking, in that stage when they refer to themselves in the third person, they both chose a nickname that we'd never referred to them by. I feel like, going by this thread, we should have sent them a stern email, telling them that that's not on their birth certificate. Incidentally, my ds cringes if we ever bring that up these days (it's too babyish now, apparently). They come to their own conclusions eventually.

My Mum didn't want my sister to have a name that could be shortened, so called her Julie. Guess who's friends called her Ju?

My Dad’s cousin is called Julie and her cockney husband has always called her Jules.

I really can't believe how uptight a lot you of people are over this, in the scheme of things it's not that bad, nobody ha lost a life. You will find to your child's friends will change their name and there will be absolutely nothing you can do about it.

@Bettyboopawoop

I really can't believe how uptight a lot you of people are over this, in the scheme of things it's not that bad, nobody ha lost a life. You will find to your child's friends will change their name and there will be absolutely nothing you can do about it.

It’s very odd.

That’s why I suggest choosing a name that you like all the diminutives of (or alternatively a short name).

Just tell them. They won’t mind. He’s your DC so you get to decide what he gets called - at least when he’s a kid!