Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

in fact a friend is baptised as Ben. not Benjamin, Ben. it's on his birth certificate.

yet people keep trying to twatsplain his own name to him and he has to correct them that his name is not Benjamin!
(we also know a Sam who is not Samuel)

so it goes both ways.

I had a friend at uni called Ben. For over a year I'd occasionally call him "Benjamin". He never said a word. I eventually discovered he was actually a Benedict. Oops.

I've never had a teacher react badly to me occasionally politely raising an issue. I'm sure it'll be fine. You don't sound like you are going down the "march up the nursery/go in all guns blazing/go to the papers" route

I have a colleague who's childs name IS the short version. When her child was in reception a teacher tried telling him off using the full long name, that isn't his and he retaliated himself 'thats not my name, I'm x, not xy'. Parents called in for giving cheek back to teacher. Teacher forced to apologize.

Your child's name is theirs. They should be named accurately until they're old enough to choose otherwise.

(My name is ALWAYS pronounced incorrectly. I just quietly seeth about it. It will give me a stomach ulcer)

I always say - don’t choose a long name that you don’t like the shortened version of - you can only ‘control’ what your child is called at home.

The child may like the short version, friends may call them the short version, in this case it’s the school using the short version.

If you want to be that parent who says: “It’s not Penny it’s Penelope” - good luck.

You can’t control what his school friends call him when he goes to school, you can call him as you wish but trust me you will get very stressed if you try to control what everyone else calls him.

My DS (15) has had this all of his life and I've repeatedly corrected nursery workers, parents, teachers, form tutors and friends who call him the shortened version. Similar to David being called Dave or Christian being called Chris.

I have always corrected it but once it stuck it stuck.

He doesn't like it shortened but he got so fed up of correcting it he just gave in and is now known by everyone - excluding his family - as Dave.

YADNBU but IME its a losing battle. I'm sorry.

It is frustrating and annoying but I agree that although you should keep correcting it you'll be very lucky if it works.

@JennieLee

I have some sympathy for busy teachers.

'Could Georgiana, Orlando, Elizabeth-Jane and Dominic be Group One?' is just such a mouthful.

It is not for the teacher to decide what the child is called.

Give up before you start! Your child is only two and doesn't need that sort of angst.

Nicknames, whether you like this one or not, are part of life and are actually very friendly.

@Ponoka7

If it's Alfie for Alfred, Billy for William, or Jamie for James etc yanbu. But if it's Archie for Archibald, people will shorten it all of his life.

Correct them. All services should be using preferred names and they are way behind the times.

I disagree. My kids have friends whose name are in the second category, no one shortens them.

When someone introduces themselves as "Archibald" let's say, write "Archibald" on everything, the parents talk about "Archibald", it would be rather rude to call hi Archie.

Kids don't give it a second thought and just use the name.

I would just quietly say that you call him 'James' not 'Jim' and that he won't necessarily know they're referring to him if they call him 'Jim'. In the same way someone might say 'oh it's Alex btw, he might not recognise the name Alexander'.

Getting people's names right is a basic courtesy. My Mam had to speak to my nursery because they were teaching me to spell my name wrong as they thought it should have been spelled a different way. Think 'Eleri' and they were teaching me 'Elerie'. My Mam had to give them a lesson on why she, as a native Welsh speaker, knew how to spell Welsh names and that they didn't need to anglicise it. My friend Sophy had a similar issue with being told it should be Sophie.

Don't worry about being that parent, this is a not a case of "one of those parents" speak to the school it is a fair request.

You can fight the battle. But when he's a teen and being called a nickname that has no resemblance to his name at all you'll likely give up.

I always say - don’t choose a long name that you don’t like the shortened version of - you can only ‘control’ what your child is called at home.

Absolutely disagree too, by experience.

Now if my kid likes to be called something else by friends, no issue with that, it's their name.

@JennieLee

I have some sympathy for busy teachers.

'Could Georgiana, Orlando, Elizabeth-Jane and Dominic be Group One?' is just such a mouthful.

Not sure. When several children have the same first name in the class, in the local schools they tend to be called by the full name. It doesn't seem to be a problem for anyone.

It's a name, it's not that hard!

they were teaching me to spell my name wrong as they thought it should have been spelled a different way.

That is shocking! (funny, but shocking!)

I'm not sure if I'd mention it. My son is James but we all call him Jimmy.

I never mentioned it to preschool when he started so they call him James. I've never corrected them and he's learnt that he is both James and Jimmy.

He's not corrected them either (though tbf he's mute at school so couldn't)

He's asked that I let the teachers at his new school that he likes Jimmy.

I'd probably leave it tbh as it's worked out quite well really. He's learnt that he has a formal and informal name

Of course, you should make sure they are calling him the correct name. It isn't his name. Why would it be over the top to ask they actually call him by his name and not another name that isn't his name?

My youngest has a name that could be shortened and often is. We call him by his full name and he's never been known by the shortened one. I expect maybe one day he may wish to shorten it himself, but for now, yes, I'd definitely correct anyone who used the wrong name.

I don't agree that school kids/ teens will just get to be called whatever.

mine simply don't respond (on purpose) to shortened names. it teaches people to use their full name.
in fact my oldest used to say "Who is Josh? my name is Joshua"

All the people saying give up now, why exactly?

I don't like the shortened version of my name so no one calls me the shortened version. Even as a child if someone called me that, I would correct them. If they still called me the shortened version, I simply wouldn't respond, as that isn't my name.

Of course you have control over what other people call you. If your name was Betty, and someone called you Wilma, would you just accept it or correct them? Well its the same with the shortened versions, you don't have to just accept a different name

@bloodyhell19

'Dear Manager,

Hope you are well.

It's come to my attention that on numerous occasions, staff have referred to my DC as "Ben".

For clarification, my son's name is Benjamin and is only known and responds to his full name, as I have said at registration and on multiple occasions since.

I trust this will be rectified with staff going forwards.

Yours,

OP.'

It's your kid and it's a simple correction. Just send the email and be direct. Don't give a damn who's vexxed or pleased, you can't have the child confused.

It's come to my attention that on numerous occasions [...] I trust this will be rectified with staff going forwards.

I mean, yeah, send this if you want to make absolutely sure that you are indeed that parent.

I have a long name that has a shortening, but I even as an adult don’t recognise the shortening as my name.

You have every right to defend your choice of name. There is nothing to say your child will accept it being shortened...

I think mis-spelllings are different from abbreviations.

I used to have a name that was so short that you couldn't shorten it. I envied people who had nicknames. It seemed to me that these names indicated affection, the existence of special relationships.

Being called by my 'proper' name at all time, seemed to indicate a kind of general indifference.

Be the parent who is confident enough to bring up the issue in person,
His name is ... we wish for no shortened version.
To me it is important you be yourself and your manner is polite than worrying what people think.
These teachers deal with all types of parents and should follow through with your choice of name. Be Less concerned on how you appear to be.
Also what you find challenging/ Annoying will not be for other teachers.

I have a friend who has a non-British name (her family is originally from not the UK). Her teachers struggled to pronounce her name (it's really easy, btw, you just need to put the emphasis on one syllable and not the other, it's nothing complicated at all). So she just started to be called by the wrong name.

I met her in uni and she introduced herself as this incorrect pronunciation as she had just gotten so used to it and given up trying to get people to pronounce her name correctly after all those years. Only her family calls her the correct name now. It wasn't until we worked together in the country where her family is from that she ever explained to me that the name she'd introduced herself as isn't actually her name (because she wanted to explain why everyone there called her something different). She assumed, after 20 years of teachers, etc. calling her the wrong thing, that I wouldn't be able to pronounce it correctly either!

@khakiandcoral

I always say - don’t choose a long name that you don’t like the shortened version of - you can only ‘control’ what your child is called at home.

Absolutely disagree too, by experience.

Now if my kid likes to be called something else by friends, no issue with that, it's their name.

Well I disagree with you by experience. I have a 4 syllable name. My parents called me by the long version in childhood but my friends always called me 1 of several shortened versions. My mother liked some short versions but not others. It caused her stress, while causing me none as I like all the versions of my name. My mother had zero control over what other people called me or what I chose to call myself.

If you’re agreeing that your kid can be called a shortened version by friends then presumably you’re ok with that. The OP is not.