Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

Personally I wouldn’t mind if it’s done in a friendly/affectionate way.

My dc all have names that can’t be shortened and all got called slight variations of these by the nursery staff in a very warm and friendly way. I was pleased they were being warm and welcoming with them and wouldn’t have dreamed of saying anything

You are not going to be that parent
It's his name, they shouldn't shorten it

All services should be using preferred names and they are way behind the times.
This tbh. Especially as you’ve made this clear a few times, it’s the deliberate ignoring of your requests that would bug me. I don’t think you’re unreasonable to correct it. In time he MAY choose to go by a shortened NN but he can decide that when he’s older.

Definitely be that parent. I wouldn’t even go with the line ‘we don’t use that so he might not recognise it’ that you mentioned. I would say ‘please can you not shorten his name we don’t at home and would prefer you not to here as it’s going to confuse him thank you’.
It’s up to him to decided if he wants to shorten it when he is older no one else.

My name gets shortened all the time and it angers me so much especially when I sign my full name on everything and then get back a email with the shortened version. Just because everyone other ‘flowerlane’ shortens theirs doesn’t mean I want to

I think you should ask. There are many reasons why a child's name is chosen, and why a shortened version might be something you don't want. There are some families where a name carries on through generations and not shortening one child's name means you know which generation you are referring to. Never mind a name reflecting a child's heritage.

Your DS might ignore someone who calls his name if shortened seems as good a reason as any.

I named my son the shortened version of a name as we didn't like the full version. On odd occasions throughout his school life, an adult has decided to call him the full version. He always spoke up and told them that that's not his name!

Your son is too young to do this, so you need to do it on his behalf until he's old enough to speak up himself. I'm a teacher too so understand your reluctance to complain but I'm sure you wouldn't ever call a kid in your class the wrong name!

@JellyTumble

YABU. If you call your child a name with a commonly shortened version you should expect this.

Incorrect. Lazy arseholes take it upon themselves to essentially rename a child to suit themselves rather than using the name the child was introduced with.

YABU and rude if you think this is acceptable.

@JellyTumble

YABU. If you call your child a name with a commonly shortened version you should expect this.

Why should you expect it? It's not his name? His parents have said he is called by his full name? It's not up to them to decide what to call him however well intended

Not unreasonable. I'm also a teacher and I don't care if I'm annoying to a teacher or a childcare provider. I'd never be rude, I'd never be abusive, I always thank the school staff multiple times a year for their efforts, but I will make reasonable requests that they treat my child respectfully and fairly. Asking them to call your child by their name is a reasonable request.

Being a teacher gives you a more rounded (and paranoid) view of contacting childcare providers I think

I completely get this! I’m always paranoid about being ‘that parent’ so I make DH do it.

This makes me glad I’ve given both DDs names that can’t be obviously shortened. Their nicknames are actually longer than their actual names and no one but family use them. Although SIL has started referring to DD2 by a shortened version of her name. Like Eva being called Eves! Hate it!

I would just email them and explain to them that as he is never called 'shortname' he might not recognise it and then gently correct every time the
other name is used . You may find, however, that he will either come to accept the other name or correct them firmly if he has a strong preference- and really it's his name and up to him. We had the opposite issue in that ds was always known as eg Sam but nursery staff were calling him his full name e.g. Samuel despite preferred name Sam being written on all forms. Even at 2 ds would reply 'I'm Sam" !

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

in fact a friend is baptised as Ben. not Benjamin, Ben. it's on his birth certificate.

yet people keep trying to twatsplain his own name to him and he has to correct them that his name is not Benjamin!
(we also know a Sam who is not Samuel)

so it goes both ways.

We get it both ways.

My son is Sam not Samuel, and he gets this including on a school certificate. I've started telling people that his name is no closer to Samuel than it is to Samson or Samantha!

I'm an Alison and I get Ali a lot, despite me never introducing myself as an Ali (mainly men who do it in an overly familiar way).

Also, my mum is Carmel and people correct her own pronunciation of her name.

People are knobs

Right, off to name change as I've completely outed myself .

It sounds like you already are tbh.

I'm sorry, but I think that trying to 'police' whether others use an abbreviated version of your child's name is being ''precious''.

Just keep using the name you'd like them to be called, and leave it up to your DC whether or not they'd like any abbreviations used.

By the time he reaches late primary or early secondary, chances are he'll be known as something else entirely !
(e.g Ian Henderson = Hendo or Michael McIntosh = Tosh or Mac)

@ifyougetthechancedoit

We know people with the same problem. A family friend with a son called eg. Tom and not Thomas. His school spent ages teaching him to spell Thomas and his mum had to explain that was great but not his name.

Her name was spelt in an unusual way. Eg, Rosmary instead of Rosemary. People would actually correct her spelling for her. She’s changed it by deed poll now because it was annoying her so much.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

in fact a friend is baptised as Ben. not Benjamin, Ben. it's on his birth certificate.

yet people keep trying to twatsplain his own name to him and he has to correct them that his name is not Benjamin!
(we also know a Sam who is not Samuel)

so it goes both ways.

This drives me insane I have the shorted version of a name think Beth instead of Elizabeth. I started a new job and they were in the process of setting all my user names and email up as Elizabeth. Luckily I’d worked with my boss before and he stopped it before it was assigned to me he did have to be quite forceful and say no her name is Beth she’ll ask for all this to be changed and she won’t respond if you call her Elizabeth.

On the shorting of a name I was asked to call my son one name but hated the abbreviation of it and knew once he was at school I couldn’t control what he was called so I didn’t call him it.

Say something and say it now, it will only become more awkward the more time passes My name is spelled one way (which isn't a very common way but is a name) but pronounced a different way (very common name). I've given up trying to correct people who spell my name the way it's pronounced, but I do correct people who pronounce it the way it's spelled. I do it straightaway, with everyone. I'm also a teacher (bet you too were just happy to have found a name that doesn't evoke bad memories) and we get regular reminders from management about making sure specific pupils' names are pronounced correctly. I would never think it makes you "that" parent. If anything, I'd be embarrassed it needed pointing out.

Be that parent and it's not a losing battle.

Both DH and I have names that are obviously shortened. We have managed to get into adulthood without them being shortened (DH gives up a bit sometimes) by not answering to the short version, responding to 'What are you call for short? Full name' and just generally asking to be called by our names.

If it really bugs you, say something! My son is Edward and at nursery they started calling him Eddie, which I'm not very keen on. He now refers to himself as Eddie and corrects us when we call him Edward....

Absolutely say something. It's for you to decide what your child is called until they are old enough to express their own preference.
I've been on the other side of this - years ago when I was a young teacher I called a child in my class by his name on the register and forgot a couple of times to go by his preferred abbreviation. The mum mentioned it to me and I hadn't realised how much it mattered to the child, so I was careful not to get it wrong in future. I wasn't offended by the mum saying something - it was important

Please do it. My name was messed up when I moved to junior school and the teacher thought she knew my name better than me. It took until after uni to get it sorted out and now I have to try and remember who calls me what, which is a pain in Christmas cards!

Could you get s teeshirt made with his name on it, and customised rucksack.

Why not! If it's important.

I wonder if his carer always uses his full name ( adding to the confusion!).

I think you’re being ridiculous. Just say “can you call my son “Alfred” instead of Alfie, as that’s what he’s used to and it’s a bit confusing for him otherwise?” If you honestly feel you need a “reason” beyond “that’s what we want” then just say “we already have an “Alfie” in the family”. It’s not a problem at all.

Weirdly I changed one of my children’s names from a nickname to his given name when he started school. I really regret it in hindsight as it made him anxious and uncomfortable.

Also, I have a DD whose name can be abbreviated. I find that schools do follow the pattern of the parent and will call them what you call them, once they get to know you have a strong preference. It's really in secondary school that friends' influence is stronger than yours. I still call my DD by her proper name - I didn't spend all those months choosing, just to call her what I consider to be a totally different name!

I don't think you'll ever win this battle, people will always shorten names, I can't think of a single kid growing up that we called by their full name. Christopher, Chris, Joseph, Joe. My auntie is 70 and still corrects people calling her daughter by the shortened version of her name, it doesn't stop anyone though. It's more, when he's an adult he can decide to go by the longer version, like my mum did.

I have some sympathy for busy teachers.

'Could Georgiana, Orlando, Elizabeth-Jane and Dominic be Group One?' is just such a mouthful.