Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

YANBU - my sons name is one that's usually shortened and we usually call him the shortened name, however we use both interchangeably and he knows they're both him.
We're always asked does he like (full name) or xxx (shortened) and I always respond either is fine but we usually call him xxx.

It's common decency and I don't think they should be calling him something that for him is not his name. I worked in a nursery years ago, and sure there were lots of kids and I was busy but also I was taking care of someone else's child and I treated them with the same respect I'd like someone caring for my child to have.

Next time they do it correct them with a, “sorry my child is Benjamin not Ben are you sure you have the correct child?” And if they say oh we were just shortening it say “oh I thought there was a mix up because we had put Benjamin as his preferred name that’s what we expected to be used.”

OR as a wimp out way you could just say, “sorry can we stick to benjamin please because we have a Ben in the family and we are doing it to stop confusion and want the same everywhere”

Definitely say something. My name is something that can't even be shortened into a proper name. Think Laura or Clara and people shorten it to laur or clar... which are just noises🙄🙄 I always correct people. My name is two syllables it's not that difficult

No judgement from me for wanting to correct them, but just to add another perspective: my own name (Jocelyn) is one that has been mispelled, mispronounced and shorted in a variety of ways all my life - in ways I like and am less keen on. I can't say that any of that has ever really bothered me or that I have worried about how to sign cards based on what specific people call me etc.

Admittedly, since Jocelyn started to crop up more frequently in films etc, it's happened less in recent years. But as a child I cannot recall ever being bothered when someone used an abbreviation I hadn't asked for.

I am a childminder and I would be happy to mention it at drop off/pick up for you. Ask your childminder if they wouldn't mind backing you up and reminding them too.

I nipped in the bud at every stage of ds2's schooling both in person and in writing to general success and backed-up by ds2 who didn't to be known as the shortening but not always confident enough to say so to a staff member (fine with friends though).

I was always known by my full name and hated it being shortened - it sounds like they were referring to someone else.

We always called my son by his full name. He went through a period in school where he shortened it and I personally hated it but it was his choice. After a couple of years he then reverted back by choice.

I would speak to them - they don't get to decide what his name is. His name partially defines him and arbitrarily changing it is not some else's decision to make.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and I have been a nursery teacher.

Just be careful saying you dislike the shortened name. A new mum friend introduced their child to me with their full name saying “it’s not xx the shortened name, I hate the name xx”. That xx name is my own child’s name she looked pretty embarrassed when I then introduced my child!

One of my DC was regularly called by a shortening we never used, both at nursery and by a family friend. It was affectionate and warm, and I couldn't get annoyed about it.

I have an easily-shortened name. I plug the shortening I prefer, but if I get called another one, it's not much of an issue: people are just being friendly, that's all.

But then, I have a surname that isn't spelt in the standard way, and I've given up caring about that, too, other than on legal documents or when I feel people should bloody know by now (the ILs, for example: 20+ years in and the buggers still can't spell it).

Most teachers will oblige but some of them will forget, or they will find themselves slipping into the usage of your child's classmate - if they always call him Freddie, and he doesn't correct them, the teachers will end up calling him Freddie too. And when he gets to about 11 or 12, he's quite likely to think that Frederick's a gobful and Freddie is wet, and call himself Fred for the rest of life. Or Rick, just to annoy you.

Just mention it. I must admit though if I knew a child call Alfred I would probably call him Alfie without thinking, Alfred is an old man's name in my head. Just keep reminding them.

Just make it clear that you want him to be called full name.A friend has a Thomas who is never Tom or Tommy as everyone knows the preference.

I would definitely say something I wish my mum had done this for me.

My name is always shortened, its Jennifer I always get Jen or Jenny even after introducing myself as Jennifer. I hate being called Jenny so I will always say I dont like being called that but it slips back in, but the only person who calls me Jennifer now is my mum.

People used to laugh when I would correct them and say my name is Jennifer like I was being awkward so I dont bother now.

I had the opposite issue when my son was younger in that people tried to lengthen his name to a name that isn't his and isn't on his birth certificate!

I usually corrected people util he did himself.

You can always ask them who they are referring to. Even on replies to letters.

I might not mind hearing the name in day to day conversation, but written communications should use the proper name, IMO.

PS - I wouldn't be happy with the "shortened" version of my DS's name either. Think Jack for John.

@BrownEyedGirl80

Just make it clear that you want him to be called full name.A friend has a Thomas who is never Tom or Tommy as everyone knows the preference.

Haha - my son is Tom and not Thomas! Thomas has never been his name.

I'd email them to say, it's his name after all, I'd never call anyone by a shortened version of their name if they didn't use it themselves

Yes do tell them, I am not British but have a version of a common British name and did have a nick name as a child which is totally different to what British people shorten my name to and it's quite annoying as it is not my name and when I sign my emails with my name and then get a reply with a shortened version is really weird.

Also when my FIL was a live, he has the male version of my name shortened to the same nickname (slightly different spellings) so we were basically called the same name first name and surname

@MB58

I'd email them to say, it's his name after all, I'd never call anyone by a shortened version of their name if they didn't use it themselves

Exactly! One of my DS's friends is always called Alexander, wouldn't dream of calling him Alex. Just laziness

My daughter is always called by the full version of her given name in the family and by people who have known her since she was born. It didn’t get shortened by anyone until she went to secondary school when she asked to be called by the shortened version - so her friends from there, university and work all use the shortened version (she is still ‘lovely full name’ in the family!)

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I came on to say this! My DD has a Sam in her class. He is Sam not Samuel yet apparently the teacher calls him Samuel.

If you want a tactful way to do it, say something like "He has a cousin/friend next door with the same name who always goes by Ollie, so we're trying to stick to 'Oliver' so that nobody gets confused and it's probably better if he doesn't get into the habit of going by 'Ollie' at school, hope that's OK!"

@bloodyhell19

'Dear Manager,

Hope you are well.

It's come to my attention that on numerous occasions, staff have referred to my DC as "Ben".

For clarification, my son's name is Benjamin and is only known and responds to his full name, as I have said at registration and on multiple occasions since.

I trust this will be rectified with staff going forwards.

Yours,

OP.'

It's your kid and it's a simple correction. Just send the email and be direct. Don't give a damn who's vexxed or pleased, you can't have the child confused.

This just sounds so petty. If you give a child a longer name it is bound to be shortened. You’re fighting a losing battle.

YANBU. If it's William and they call him Billy I'd fume. It's a different name not just lopping off the end of it like Dan/Daniel.

William is a lovely name on it's own.
Billy is not.

Of course tell them! I've got a William who is William and not Billy or Will, or Wills. When he wants to shorten it then of course that's fine and that'll then be his name. But nobody else can decide that!

It really depends on whether the child likes the nickname as he gets older.