Am I going to be ‘that’ parent?

[Excitablemuch]

Posting here for traffic… I should know the answer to this; I’ve been a teacher fo 13 years but….

My 2 year old has recently started preschool. He has a name that is often shortened to something else - the shortened version is generally not short for the full name but is the child’s actual name…. Think Katherine to Katy. Anyway, I don’t like the shortened version and we have never used it. No one has and I’m not sure he’d recognise it as his name even. When he started preschool I let the member of staff who did the forms know that it was never used.

So, a couple of times already they have referred to him as the shortened version. Once when the manager emailed me (I just made sure I used his full name in my response to remind) and then this morning on the door.

I feel like I should say something now while he’s only been there a couple of weeks to make sure it’s clear for them… I didn’t correct the lady this morning as it was raining and she was rushing… also didn’t want to seem short and make her think I was annoyed!

Can I send an email and mention it without them hating me? (Desperate not to be the type of parent that annoys me!)

I feel like he is too young to correct them himself. I’m not annoyed at all. They have lots of children to look after and I understand it is a natural shortening even though for me it’s an entirely different name…. I will be fighting this battle for years to come I feel :)

As an aside, if he feels like he wants it shortened when he’s older I won’t mind (I’ll be w little sad though!!)

If he wants to shorten his when he’s older fine…. I will still use his proper name

I think this is fine and the way to go. I’m married to a Steve but his mum always calls him Stephen, always has. She doesn’t really like Steve but he decided as a teen it was cooler, so I’ve only ever known him as Steve. She’s quite happy calling him Stephen, which he will always be to her, and doesn’t seem to mind that I refer to him as Steve. As long as you understand that when he gets older you won’t control what he calls himself, I don’t think you’re unreasonable to insist in the primary years that teachers use his actual name.

If he wants to shorten his when he’s older fine…. I will still use his proper name

This happened with my son. I didn't particularly mind the shortened version and never objected but I always called him by the longer version and still do (and so did my parents). His friends and eventually his Dad all used the shorter version, which was fine. Once I absent mindedly used the short version and he corrected me (he was an adult). He likes having the two versions.

@MrsDoctorDear each to their own but my son is called Billy and I can’t stand the name William so would hate for anyone to think I had called him that. Thankfully we’ve never had anyone assume his name is anything other than what it is.

Definitely tell them - mine is shortened and the nursery reported to my parents I wasn't speaking/answering/was upset all the time
They were using my full name, and I didn't recognise it as it was only used when I was in trouble
Even now if someone uses my full name, I don't answer because I don't recognise it as "me"

This just sounds so petty. If you give a child a longer name it is bound to be shortened. You’re fighting a losing battle.

Rubbish. Random people don't get to decide what a persons name is. Their parents, and then, they themselves do. Don't shorten peoples names unless they ask you to, its rude.

Bear in mind that he might quite like the shortened version. People started shortening mine when I was 5, I prefer the shortened version yet still had my mum fighting the good fight on behalf of my original name. She even used to correct my friends when I was a teen ffs! I would think by 4 he can advocate for himself name wise. I wouldnt say anything unless he told you it upsets him.

If speaking up for your child means you’re that parent then so be it. Better to nip it in the bud now!

A few PPs have mentioned people automatically shortening names…

I start every school year by going through the register and asking the children to correct me immediately if I’m saying their name wrong or they prefer a nickname. Once they’ve told me, that’s what I call them. I would never be so rude as to assume they want to be called by a nickname.

Why does it bother you so much? You will do Nd he s friends shorten the name anyway.

Yanbu especially at 2 he is going to be confused.just email that his name is "Daniel" and not Danny and you want his full name used, I don't think it makes you THAT parent at all.

@BarbarianMum

Bear in mind that he might quite like the shortened version. People started shortening mine when I was 5, I prefer the shortened version yet still had my mum fighting the good fight on behalf of my original name. She even used to correct my friends when I was a teen ffs! I would think by 4 he can advocate for himself name wise. I wouldnt say anything unless he told you it upsets him.

The child is 2

Of course tell them. At the start too

Yes email them.

I've had similar with one of my children. My child is now old enough to correct people and wow betide you if anyone accidentally uses the shortened version 😆

I have a 3 syllable name that has a few different nicknames. I’m known by a couple of them as well as by my full name. Both my kids are known primarily by their nicknames but DS’s name has lots of variations and he has a few friends who’ve picked one to call him. It’s all fun and personalised and nobody gets upset. It’s really not that complicated having formal names and casual names, my kids have never been confused, even from a very young age n

I think correcting people constantly is just screaming look at me I I have a stick up my arse. Let kids explore their identity in different settings and ultimately they’ll choose their preference/s.

It isn't precious, especially for a 2 year old who isn't old enough to correct it himself. It confuses them - 2 year olds don't know there are many permutations of their name so they don't respond which could be a safety issue.
My DS had a dancing teacher who called him by entirely the wrong name (he was Richard, she called him Michael for some reason, despite me correcting her numerous times) One day when I happened to be there she shouted at him for not doing something and of course he kept doing it because she wasn't using his name, she got quite cross with him and he was completely bemused until I pointed out for the umpteenth time that he might be more co operative if she called him by his name.

It is perfectly possible to be polite and friendly about correcting staff (don't send the email suggested by PP - it sounds really shirty).

My first name is such a name. Think something like Rosemary.
I wasn't Rose until adulthood.

If it matters to you, address i now.

YANBU

Your child, your choice of name (at least until he gets old enough to decide for himself if he wants a nickname.shortened version).

I wouldn't dream of shortening/changing an adult's name - If someone tells me they are Margaret, I call them Margaret and don't shorten it,; if they tell me Maggie, I use Maggie and don't lengthen it. Why should it be different for children.

I wonder if there's another boy of the same name in his class and this is to distinguish them? (No excuse, though - there were 5 girls with my Christian name in my class, and the teachers managed ok. Oddly enough, I very, very rarely come across a woman of my age with that name now - where have we all gone, I wonder?)

[quote Willwebebuyingnumber11]@MrsDoctorDear each to their own but my son is called Billy and I can’t stand the name William so would hate for anyone to think I had called him that. Thankfully we’ve never had anyone assume his name is anything other than what it is.[/quote]
Exactly. Why should anyone assume your son's or the OPs sons name is something else.

(I'm just put off Billy by someone I dislike with that name)

As a teacher you would know the education system uses the legal name. Our daughter was named after her grandfather but we always had intended to use her shortened name. She came home from school in reception and told me her teacher had called her a different name and said that is her name - I realised I had never told her her legal name as I like you thought if they school asks for the name they are called they would honour this! Explain to him he has two names there is no getting away from it - trust me my daughter has been to infant school, reception and two high schools and each time I have tried to get people to use the name we use for her every single time and at some point there is always a teacher referring to her legal name.

I wouldn't dream of shortening/changing an adult's name - If someone tells me they are Margaret, I call them Margaret and don't shorten it,; if they tell me Maggie, I use Maggie and don't lengthen it. Why should it be different for children.

I agree. It’s a matter of personal choice and others should respect that (or respect the parents’ choice in the case of a small child). My former colleague is Andrew and our boss was Andy. One friend’s DH is Steve, another is Stephen. I know a Catherine, a Katy, a Kath and a Kate. It’s not for me to tell them what they should be called; it’s polite to call someone the name they wish you to use….

Yanbu! Just send them an email.
I would be very very unhappy if people used the shortened version of my own name. I detest the shortened version, and anyway it’s a completely different name! People rarely ever try to call me this name but if they do I quickly tell them not to and it’s no big deal.

@bloodyhell19

'Dear Manager,

Hope you are well.

It's come to my attention that on numerous occasions, staff have referred to my DC as "Ben".

For clarification, my son's name is Benjamin and is only known and responds to his full name, as I have said at registration and on multiple occasions since.

I trust this will be rectified with staff going forwards.

Yours,

OP.'

It's your kid and it's a simple correction. Just send the email and be direct. Don't give a damn who's vexxed or pleased, you can't have the child confused.

Don't send this for Christ's sake, otherwise you really will be that parent!

Just reply informally saying sorry for not mentioning it before but you don't actually use the shortened version.

Job done.

Well I wasn't 'that' parent and I regretted it! We always called DS by a longer version of his actual name (think Tommy instead of Tom) and it really suited him. I stupidly didn't mention this to his nursery, and he very quickly rejected 'Tommy' 😢

As a general rule I couldn't care less about this sort of thing. Unless it was causing your child distress, in which case its a different matter.

But if its just a routine abbreviation of a name, try by all means, but I think pushing it and policing it wouldn't do you or your child any favours really.

If I'm honest I would think someone wanting to die in a ditch over this was quite precious....

@MrsDoctorDear name association is strong! I love Billy, both his great grandads were called Bill but the school bully in my high school was William hence my dislike 😂