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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to enjoy my baby being in nursery full time?

225 replies

EnjoyingTheSunshine · 01/06/2021 09:25

Hi everyone,

I have an almost 10 month old baby and he started nursery full time today. We don't have family closeby and I'm starting a new job next week Monday.

Me and my partner dropped him off this morning. He was crying and I felt guilty for ten minutes or so.

Now I'm at home and I'm feeling so massively relaxed, being able to do the laundry in peace, enjoying the good weather and having almost an entire week to myself before I start work next week.

It almost feels like bliss and a new beginning, but I can't help but think that this makes me a bad mother? To enjoy him being away?

I love him very, very much and he's my everything.

I had a very difficult birth last year with a 2.1 litre blood loss and maternity leave has been difficult, having to look after a baby full time with no family support while simultaneously nursing myself back to health, physically and mentally after my traumatic birth.

AIBU to feel so happy and does that make me a bad mother? Is there something wrong with me?

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 01/06/2021 09:35

It’s the first day. Of course it feels like a holiday and a big relief from the daily grind of motherhood.
However full time work and baby in nursery isn’t going to be a picnic for either of you. I work in a nursery, he will be well cared for I’m sure, how happy he will be is unpredictable. I do think very young children thrive better if they have adequate amount of time at home with their primary caregivers. Full time nursery means a very short evening and only two days at a weekend. There won’t be much family time. Nursery itself isn’t the problem, for me it’s the balance of time, what can happen is that the Nursery becomes the primary caregiver because of the amount of time the child spends there.
You don’t mention dad? It shouldn’t all be on you. Is there any way between you that baby could have a bit more time at home?

Sorry not trying to make you feel crap, just being honest.

MissyB1 · 01/06/2021 09:36

I see now you did mention your partner. Any chance he could be flexible with his hours?

ShutUpAlex · 01/06/2021 09:39

Yeah loved mine being full time and she loves it too. Don’t worry about it, kids are way more resilient and independent than we give them credit for. Mine was in 8-6 five days a week.

MumInBrussels · 01/06/2021 09:40

You're not a bad mum at all! You need to work, so he needs to be looked after, and I'm sure you've picked lovely people to look after him. And as for having a week to yourself before you start a new job, a) that sounds absolutely delightful (I have an 8 month old and we also have no family nearby) b) you need time to get yourself ready for the new job, and c) the initial week when you're around will make settling in to the nursery easier, and you'll be around if there are major problems.

Good luck with your new job, and enjoy your week!

kitkatsky · 01/06/2021 09:40

@MissyB1 I think your comments are hurtful and upsetting. Plenty of people don't have a choice about full time childcare.

OP when you read her comments don't worry, your son knows who his primary caregivers are. Enjoy a bit of peace and good luck with your new job

BluebirdHill · 01/06/2021 09:41

Sounds perfectly reasonable after the time you've had to feel happy to have time off from care giving and time to yourself.
Nursery does not become 'the primary caregiver'. My DS went to nursery full time at a similar age and thrived there. Very well adjusted years down the line.
You're not a bad mother.

VanceRefridgeration · 01/06/2021 09:42

Couldn't agree more and it's absolutely no reflection on how much you love your child!

My DS was born just before lockdown and the last year has been relentless. Full on. Hard work. Upsetting at times....exhausting!!

I had one week also where he was at nursery before I went back to work. I loved it! Cleaned the house, went for outdoor walks with the dog, watching trash tv! It was great!

My DS is now 18 months and does a mix of nursery and grandparents and I do condensed hours so work full time but have a half day off a week with him. He loves nursery and has come in leaps and bounds with his social skills. And I enjoy him more as I get to do fun things with him without being weighed down by the daily slog.

Enjoy your week

ForeverHomeSearcher · 01/06/2021 09:43

It's bliss and it doesn't make you a bad mother at all. Just human.

It's also a good thing for you to have that but of time to yourself before you go back to work.

I promise you'll be so excited to see him when you pick him up though.

Just wait for days off when he's a toddler and still in nursery. Those are epic 🤣

UCOinSteveArnottsPants · 01/06/2021 09:43

I think it’s a bit early to be saying you love dc being in full time nursery - it’s only been a couple of hours!

Needanedittbuton · 01/06/2021 09:45

It doesn't make you a bad mother but full time nursery isn't ideal for a baby or toddler. Not trying to make anyone feel crap but this is a discussion forum.

Can you or your partner not get some flexibility in your jobs so DS isn't in nursery all day every day?

AdjustableAssholeSettings · 01/06/2021 09:47

Of course it's OK, we all need a break. I love the break when I go to work, but I still miss them and look forward to seeing them.
I agree it's a good idea to be around for the first week in case of settling in issues. One of mine came home an hour early on their first day and I was home so could go get them.

SprayedWithDettol · 01/06/2021 09:50

Enjoy your week OP and don’t let the miseries get you down.

Checkingout811 · 01/06/2021 09:50

It doesn’t make you a bad mother, but lots of people don’t have family on tap for childcare so I don’t think that’s a reason to justify your choices.

If you need or want to work full time, that’s fine but I don’t think having no family support has anything to do with it.
My DSshave never stayed anywhere overnight and my mums had the eldest twice for around an hour each time, once when I went in to have DS2. He’s 4 in a few months.

Good luck with your new job.

Moriarosesbebe · 01/06/2021 09:51

@missyB1 that's unnecessarily. Many of us have no choice but to use full time childcare, myself included. I'm pretty sure my baby enjoys a warm house and a belly full of good food - neither of which I could provide without working.

To the OP you are not a bad mother, not by a long stretch! Ite lovely having the house to yourself sometimes. Oh to watch some trash TV without DS finger in my eye or up my nose would be bliss, add in a hot cup of tea and some chocolate would be even more amazing. We can love our children and love time to ourselves too. Its not an either or situation

MissyB1 · 01/06/2021 09:57

@Moriarosesbebe yes I know some parents have no choice, that’s why I asked whether between them OP and her partner could shorten the length of time baby was in nursery. It’s not always a necessity, sometimes it’s choice.

spacedandtimed · 01/06/2021 09:59

[quote kitkatsky]@MissyB1 I think your comments are hurtful and upsetting. Plenty of people don't have a choice about full time childcare.

OP when you read her comments don't worry, your son knows who his primary caregivers are. Enjoy a bit of peace and good luck with your new job [/quote]
It's honesty. It's not her fault that hurts. The truth sometimes does!

MissyB1 · 01/06/2021 10:00

[quote kitkatsky]@MissyB1 I think your comments are hurtful and upsetting. Plenty of people don't have a choice about full time childcare.

OP when you read her comments don't worry, your son knows who his primary caregivers are. Enjoy a bit of peace and good luck with your new job [/quote]
Yes plenty of people don’t have a choice. Some do! I don’t know OP’s personal circumstances which is why I asked about flexibility.

As someone with professional qualifications and lots of working experience in this area, I was just giving an honest opinion.

Moriarosesbebe · 01/06/2021 10:01

@Checkingout811 I don't think she needs to justify anything. I think she means not having family support meant that she has had no time to herself since he was born. My mum helped out when it was safe to do so during covid and it made a huge difference to my mental and physical health. I can only imagine how much OP needs a few hours to herself right now.

Original poster
EnjoyingTheSunshine · 01/06/2021 10:03

@Checkingout811

It does have everything to do with having no family closeby. If my mum lived here, I would probably send him to nursery part time and she would have him half day.

Not everyone can afford to be a SAHM.

OP posts:
Moriarosesbebe · 01/06/2021 10:05

[quote MissyB1]@Moriarosesbebe yes I know some parents have no choice, that’s why I asked whether between them OP and her partner could shorten the length of time baby was in nursery. It’s not always a necessity, sometimes it’s choice.[/quote]
But she didn't ask if she should send her child to creche, she asked if she should feel bad about having time to herself before starting work. There is a big difference. I don't think she needs another thing to feel bad about. Fair enough if she was asking to debate the merits of full time childcare but she wasn't

Moriarosesbebe · 01/06/2021 10:08
Biscuit
Moriarosesbebe · 01/06/2021 10:10

Sorry that biscuit was in response to @spacedandtimed comment about the truth hurting not you OP!!

Original poster
EnjoyingTheSunshine · 01/06/2021 10:10

We have no flexibility - my partner can't go part-time and neither can I

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 01/06/2021 10:15

Look its lovely sunshine today .Your LO will be having fun with his new friends/Caregivers .I was a Nursery School Teacher and yes some DC take a while to settle its true .However most good Nurseries will have a key worker for one to one time ,will ask for special comforter and so on .You need to work as so many young Mums do .There is nothing perfect in the world .You have bills to pay and food to buy so your LO can have a good standard of living .Just enjoy your time off and dont worry!

Moriarosesbebe · 01/06/2021 10:17

@EnjoyingTheSunshine

We have no flexibility - my partner can't go part-time and neither can I
No need to justify yourself, don't mind the others. Enjoy the few days off and be happy in the knowledge your LO is being well looked after. It won't damage him. My mother was incredibly hard working because she had to be when I was growing up. We have a such a close bond and I admire and appreciate all the hard work it took to keep me and my siblings well looked after for all those years. Being in full time childcare hasn't affected us one bit.