to enjoy my baby being in nursery full time?

[EnjoyingTheSunshine]

Hi everyone,

I have an almost 10 month old baby and he started nursery full time today. We don't have family closeby and I'm starting a new job next week Monday.

Me and my partner dropped him off this morning. He was crying and I felt guilty for ten minutes or so.

Now I'm at home and I'm feeling so massively relaxed, being able to do the laundry in peace, enjoying the good weather and having almost an entire week to myself before I start work next week.

It almost feels like bliss and a new beginning, but I can't help but think that this makes me a bad mother? To enjoy him being away?

I love him very, very much and he's my everything.

I had a very difficult birth last year with a 2.1 litre blood loss and maternity leave has been difficult, having to look after a baby full time with no family support while simultaneously nursing myself back to health, physically and mentally after my traumatic birth.

AIBU to feel so happy and does that make me a bad mother? Is there something wrong with me?

Just to add to the anecdata both DS went to nursery full time from 7 months old as I couldn't afford to be a sahm and also wasn't suited to it. Was getting stir crazy by 6 months - doesn't mean I didn't love them, just that the baby stage was not my favourite part of their childhood.
Lived somewhere very isolated so nursery (near my work) gave them chance to mingle with other babies and toddlers.
I didn't have any other choice.
I have no regrets.

They're now well adjusted young adults and people compliment them on their demeanour and manners. The latter they probably learnt from nursery

@Moriarosesbebe you’ve missed the point too.

AIBU to be happy my baby is in full time nursery?
YANBU it’s lovely to have time to yourself, we all need a break, it’s good to get back to work etc etc

AIBU to be happy my baby is in full time nursery?
YABU, it’s not a great environment for a very young baby to be in for such long hours, so many times a week. Is there another option for childcare, or some room for flexibility?

BOTH RELEVANT. HTH

@MissyB1 - I wasn't expecting this so quickly & you work in a Nursery. When will mothers support each other's choices instead of criticising. One size does not fit all. @EnjoyingTheSunshine - my DC went to Nursery full time at 4 months. DH & I worked full time, he loved it. He's a strapping nearly 25 now. Don't listen to the carpers.

@21Flora just saw that they go in a hut with a log burner if it's cold.Still not ideal imo but better than nothing.

Unless there's a safe guarding issue, it isn't really anyone else's place to say what is or isn't right for another person's child. No wonder the OP feels guilty if she has encountered these kinds of opinions before.

@Checkingout811 - your choice of course but how would your children manage if you had to leave them? You see, it works both ways.

[quote VanceRefridgeration]@CaraherEIL there are much more recent studies than 2005...

This is 2017 I think
www.familyandchildcaretrust.org/long-term-study-following-4500-children-links-childcare-better-outcomes
'The researchers saw beneficial outcomes for children associated with higher amounts of childcare for both advantaged and disadvantaged children. This suggests that regardless of a child’s household income, childcare benefits their development.'

There is also the more recent 2018 Impact Study on Early Education Use and Child Outcomes commissioned by the Government.

@MissyB1 Genuinely interested in reading the lots of research you refer to as a cursory google only bring up recent ones such as above which, although have a MINORITY that may see higher aggression from more than 35 hours nursery, I can't find anything that has negative outcomes for the child[/quote]
I don’t think this researched proves what you think it does.
Did you read it all the way through?

@allofthecheese

Good for you tbh. If you can afford it and it means you can catch up on things and have some distance for a little while, then why not? Honestly people just need to do what works for them.

The rise of individualism

@Derbee I haven't missed the point. For some reason people can't understand the thread isn't about childcare v SAHP. Its plain nasty for people to shove their opinion that childcare is unfair to children when the OP hasn't asked for that. What are they hoping to achieve? Save all the poor little souls trapped in full time childcare as surely reading a comment on the internet will change their mothers minds and circumstances rather than just make them feel guilty? Come off it

@Derbee 100% agree!

Its plain nasty for people to shove their opinion that childcare is unfair to children when the OP hasn't asked for that.

It’s nasty, but all too predictable sadly.

The OP is asking the question maybe because she feels she should feel guilty about this week off because she is not working and apart from the 10 minutes after dropping him off she doesn’t feel guilty.
The simplest answer OP is your feelings are the best barometer of what is best for you.
As your baby is going to be a nursery full time with your job next week, it’s great if you don’t feel distressed and wracked with guilt,
Feeling distraught is not the penalty you have to pay for taking a break from your child.
It can just be a happy positive thing.

Thank you to the nursery workers who shared their insight and braved the backlash.

With DD I have 4 days to myself before I returned to work. To be honest I was completely burnt out after a traumatic physical and mental traumatic birth, no support and DH being crap. I used that 4 days to get my hair done and sort my wardrobe out and do bits in the house so I didn’t return to worn like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards! With DS I had zero days to myself before I returned to work due to lockdown but fortunately I was able to wfh for the most part. However, I was able to later take a couple of days off just to ‘be’.

@MissyB1

It’s the first day. Of course it feels like a holiday and a big relief from the daily grind of motherhood. However full time work and baby in nursery isn’t going to be a picnic for either of you. I work in a nursery, he will be well cared for I’m sure, how happy he will be is unpredictable. I do think very young children thrive better if they have adequate amount of time at home with their primary caregivers. Full time nursery means a very short evening and only two days at a weekend. There won’t be much family time. Nursery itself isn’t the problem, for me it’s the balance of time, what can happen is that the Nursery becomes the primary caregiver because of the amount of time the child spends there. You don’t mention dad? It shouldn’t all be on you. Is there any way between you that baby could have a bit more time at home?

Sorry not trying to make you feel crap, just being honest.

You’re get a lot of flak for this. Unlike most if not many others here, you have inside knowledge and hands-on experience as a nursery practitioner. What practitioners think and what they say to paying customers will be different. I know, from many of the childcare and education courses I’ve been on.

Children are adaptable and resilient though.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Thank you to the nursery workers who shared their insight and braved the backlash.

Very brave!

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Yes, I agree it's over 2's which is why I have asked for the research that everyone on here is referring to. My post made clear this was all I can find

Page 6 and no one has yet posted links to recent studies that prove there is irrefutable damage done pre 2 years at nursery full time

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/02/nurseries-childcare-pre-school-cortisol

Best I can find is this which argues the research is mixed at best and there isn't yet a systematic study. In fact, most argue that while there may be a negative impact, it is subtle, short term and counter balanced by increased cognitive ability. Also home life etc must be taken into account

I haven't disagreed with points being made; In fact, I've asked for the research as I'm genuinely interested

My issue is that the original post is asking whether it's ok to not feel guilty and enjoy her child being in nursery full time. Not whether she SHOULD send her DD to nursery full time

@Ilovegreentomatoes Well the stories people are telling don’t scream great workers if you are wilfully neglecting children’s needs. They sound like very badly run businesses.

We do go out in all weathers with our children, a bit of rain never hurt anybody and they wear thermals actual waterproofs suitable for skiing. We are raising our children to appreciate the outdoors. They will inherit farm one day.

You have to register from before birth, they have outstanding in every inspection with no recommendations for improvement and a very low turn over of staff. They are clearly doing something right.

@derbee she was asking whether she was wrong to feel happy at having some free time for once. Not if it was ok to be happy her child is in nursery as opposed to other forms of childcare. She could have said her sister took her child for a walk and she felt happy at having a bread. Again it was not an invitation to criticise her childcare choices or suggest alternatives.

Break not bread ffs

It’s a slog looking after a baby whilst recovering from childbirth, so i understand how freeing it is to get that space and break! You can chill and not have to be vigilant at all times.

YANBU! Enjoy your time

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Thank you to the nursery workers who shared their insight and braved the backlash.

Thank you as you can see honesty is not always appreciated. I totally understand why parents don’t want to hear it though, but so many nursery staff tell the same story.

I’m not even sure it’s about the quality of care or the staff (although the wages are very low), it’s more about who a baby or very young toddler would rather be with. Organic food, outdoors all day (why parents think very young children love being in the freezing rain and howling wind all day is beyond me, lots of them hate it), and trendy yurts, are all very well, but babies and tinies don’t really care about being trendy.

Don't feel bad! I'm actually a SAHM because we couldn't afford the nursery fees for me to go back to my job after maternity leave, I'd love to be able to work though just to have that adult time again. Being alone with kids full time gets very boring! Enjoy 😃

I hate threads like these.

Both my nephews were in full time nursery from 4 months and both are wonderful young adults with great relationships with their parents.

DS is in nursery 3 days per week because I wanted to spend time with him before he started school, and I was lucky enough to be able to work part time for a couple of years.

I enjoy my days at work, and the days with DS. Everyone is different and that’s fine.

For what it’s worth DS loves nursery and it has brought him along massively.

My DC went to a childminder full time and it was extremely good for their development - and my MH.

Don't listen to those trying to put you down, OP. Just bear in mind the old joke that "a mother's place is in the wrong" and laugh the judgemental people off. Take no notice. They aren't bringing up your DC. You are.

My kids loved their childminder dearly but she wasn't their mum. My DC knew exactly who their mum was - and their dad.