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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
FakingMemories · 31/05/2021 18:37

What kind of relationship and communication do you have with your husband that he gives the address to someone unknown to you and tells her she can come for lunch and you know nothing about it.

My husband isn’t the sharpest tool in the box and is by no means perfect but he just wouldn’t put me in the position of finding a stranger in the drive/on the doorstop and me standing there like a ninny knowing nothing about it. It just wouldn’t happen. He doesn’t need my permission to bring anyone to the house and I don’t need his but he would at least let me know so that I am not embarrassed by not being dressed/not having enough food or drinks prepared/being out with the dogs when the person arrives. Communication. It’s really that simple.

fearfulfran · 31/05/2021 18:37

Anyone watch Nighty Night with Julia Davies? That's who I'm imagining

imsanehonest · 31/05/2021 18:38

I've just had a flashback to the Catherine Tate 'majorette' character 🤣

chickenyhead · 31/05/2021 18:38

She knows where you live Shock

I want some pom poms

LalalalalalaLand123 · 31/05/2021 18:38

@Faevern Am I the only one who doesn’t like the way you have written about this woman

No you're definitely not the only one, I agree.

pheonixrebirth · 31/05/2021 18:39

@Sunbird24

In my head, reading that, she looks like Marina from Last of the Summer Wine…
Exactly my thoughts 😂😂😂
Changechangychange · 31/05/2021 18:40

Why him and not any of the other seven men in the group?

Because her DH has studiously avoided mentioning this woman to his DW. For years.

If we knew the others had also kept her a secret, then I agree it could be any of them. But as far as we know, it is just OP’s DH.

And OP you are using very passive language around her:

“she has been added to the Whatsapp” - nope, one of the men has decided to add her.

“She’s driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey” - nope, one of the group has told her where they are meeting, and she has driven over

“She took it upon herself to turn up for lunch” - nope, one of the men gave her your address.

They are including her and inviting her. Whether it is the muffins or the shorts that they are enjoying, I have no idea. But they are choosing to include her. One of them is probably shagging her, and from the shady way your DH has been hiding her (and the fact she has only turned up at your house for lunch and not anybody else’s), I would worry that it is your DH.

Wearywithteens · 31/05/2021 18:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TheRebelle · 31/05/2021 18:42

So she turned up once on a city bike with streamers on the handlebars, they presumably added her to the WhatsApp at this point, she then followed them for about a mile and gave up. She’s then kept turning up at 7am in her short shorts every Sunday chatting to them before they set off and at some point started waving Pom Poms but only now has she started turning up for lunches after the ride has finished.

I can see why they’ve tolerated her so far, originally they thought she was a new member so it was legit to add her to the WhatsApp, but now she’s taken it up a level joining their lunches they’d actively have to remove her, tell her to piss off, meet somewhere else, when it was just 5/10 mins of polite conversation with her before they set off and they didn’t want to be mean.

The fact they were apologising to you as they all came in shows they don’t really want her there, if she’s going to start turning up to their houses they’re going to have to do something or put up with her inserting herself further and further into their lives. I hope none of them have pet rabbits.

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 31/05/2021 18:42

She’s obviously Twist from Spaced.

Have you asked your husband who put her on the WhatsApp and why he didn’t tell you in advance she would be likely to show up? What did he say?

Do you have any contact with any of the other ‘wives’? I’d be wanting to fact-check what they had been told. Presumably it’s not the first time she’s showed up to someone’s house? Have you asked him that? What did he say?

UhtredRagnarson · 31/05/2021 18:43

Of course OPs husband isn’t having an affair with her! He can’t lie for shit 😂 I can smell his bullshit through the screen! He does fancy her though. Which is why he has never mentioned her.

thecatsthecats · 31/05/2021 18:45

@Moonwhite

Many men don't care much about whether a woman is "absolutely mad" or even (heaven forbid) in her 40s. It's about validation and having their ego's stroked.

If they really don't want her around, they need to tell her their group is for active cycling members only and remove her from the group. Whether she's being kept around for comic relief or the prospect of some other kind of relief, it's not nice.

Agreed.

I wouldn't say that one of the men is definitely shagging her, but some men just need the opportunity, and most other men either a) would be too spineless to say eff off or b) like the ego stoking attention of a groupie.

Likewise I recognise the type of woman who will attach herself to a group of men because she's desperate for the attentions of ALL of them - her self-esteem being exclusively fueled by male approval.

That doesn't mean she's definitely currently having sex with one. Just that it wouldn't be in the least surprising.

(for what it's worth if someone considers this to be sexist, I have plenty of other observations about men and women, good and bad - these are just the relevant "types" for this situation)

Devlesko · 31/05/2021 18:45

You have a dh problem, the cycling would be enough for me, but inviting the ow, that's not on.
Get a back bone, he's cheating.

EsmaCannonball · 31/05/2021 18:45

Is there one of the men who looks like he eats a load of muffins despite all the cycling?

thecatsthecats · 31/05/2021 18:46

Oh, and "we" do not collectively host anything. Your husband has invited those men. He hosts them.

toocold54 · 31/05/2021 18:46

OP do you honestly not think it’s weird that this ‘crazy’ women turns up with pom poms, is at all of the same places as the rest of the team even your home, is on the WhatsApp group, knows about your husbands boxing club etc and that your DH has never mentioned it?

If someone turned up to my hobby with Pom poms I’d definitely be telling my partner!

Reloxa · 31/05/2021 18:47

Hmm. And have they all ever had lunch at her house?

For whatever reason, they, and her, seem to think she is part of the club. If she has also cooked lunch for them she's no more cheeky than any of the men for coming round to yours for lunch.

PhillipPhillop · 31/05/2021 18:48

Hopefully you've spoken to the other wives by now! Do they know about her? Am all agog. Her son is obviously the equivalent pom-pom man in @CuriousaboutSamphire's cycling group. When dp gets in I can't wait to ask him about secret groupies in his own club! Hilarious

Gazelda · 31/05/2021 18:48

Well she's dedicated, I'll give her that.

Why would anyone want to be ready at a meet-up at 7am on a Sunday, with fresh muffins?

I think you should ask DH to message on the WhatsApp group " great ride today lads. DW was asking who everyone was, because she hadn't met everyone before today's lunch. For the life of me, I couldn't remember how 'sarah' got in with us - anyone recall? Maybe we should have a bbq over the summer to introduce all the families."

But then if you did that, the other chaps will probably have you down as a jealous wife who has her hubby under her thumb.

Tricky.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/05/2021 18:49

@Sunbird24

In my head, reading that, she looks like Marina from Last of the Summer Wine…
I thought exactly the same! Grin
VettiyaIruken · 31/05/2021 18:50

How did she follow them when you said in your first post that she arrived first and waited for them?
She didn't follow them.
She waited for them.
So she knew your address and that they were meeting there for lunch.

skodadoda · 31/05/2021 18:51

It sounds very much along the same lines as cricket teas that the wives have to take turns doing.

Scbchl · 31/05/2021 18:51

How would she know your address though? Your husband turned up with all his friends on the bike together. So I doubt he would even of needed to put his address on the chat as 1) they were all going together after the cycle so he is there to lead the way anyway and 2) they have been before anyway and know where he lives. So surely the convo would of went "whose house will we go to Sunday for lunch" "We can go to mine". So shes obviously then had to either ask for your address on the WhatsApp or that morning and your husband actually went ahead and gave her it and knew she was coming in advance. Doesnt add up.

colouringcrayons · 31/05/2021 18:51

I think I would have to speak to the other wives, do you know them? This is the strangest story, I don;t know that I could bring myself to believe it without confirmation from someone else!

VettiyaIruken · 31/05/2021 18:52

Posted too soon.
Which means that when she met them in the cafe, she was given your address.

They could have said club members only. 🤷‍♀️

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