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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
Faevern · 31/05/2021 18:54

But you are being mean about her @4cats4kids She turned up at your home, invited by one of the men, it was your DH who failed to warn you and yet you come on a forum to call her nasty names and mock her and have others join in. What’s not mean about that?

You were feeding eight, what difference does one more make, your DH could have given her his share by way of apology.

TooYoungToNotice · 31/05/2021 18:54

So what if she wear short shorts or waves pom poms, or tags along. As others have pointed out she could be lonely, or actually planning to join them at some point or anything really.

Yes she could be actively hoping to be involved with one of them. But no one can make a man stray. They don't have their heads turned by a wanton woman. They make an active choice to have sex with someone else. They're not daft little boys. Its just age old misogyny to suggest women lure men from their wives. The ones that have affairs don't need luring.

At the end of the day they are obviously including her to an extent whether she is a current rider or not. The question is what are they getting out of it.

Anyway she certainly sounds interesting if nothing else!

Gwenhwyfar · 31/05/2021 18:55

Is quite funny.
Why does it bother you though?

PicklePuckle · 31/05/2021 18:56

Of she’s not hurting anyone why be bothered by her being there. It’s what she wants to do.

GingerScallop · 31/05/2021 18:58

A bit of compassion could do wonders. Sounds like she is not neuro typical and doesn't understand social cues.
Am also puzzled by your visceral reaction. If you've never seen her before (and it seems you are unlikely to see her often) why react like this? Also puzzling is that your dp has known of her for ages yet never mentioned her to you. Do you normally overact like this or do you not trust your dp with any woman? If it's about the food, it's only one mouth extra after feeding 8 sporty men. I think you need to think what is behind your vicious, unkind reaction

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 18:58

I do think it’s strange that he hasn’t mentioned her before, especially the pom poms because I would have mentioned that if it happened to me. I asked him why he hadn’t mentioned her before and he says she’s just there and it’s busy. He says loads of people see her and he just kind of assumed she has her reasons. He describes her as a bit “Ab Fab,” but there are people like this so he just left it at that. To the people asking, he would have told the group the address on the day because they sometimes get separated at different speeds and she was with them at a stop point cafe because for some reason, this week, she drove there as well. Sometimes they go 100 miles, but this was a shorter route so maybe why she has gone with them, but not on a bike. I know it sounds weird, but somehow she came to be here at the end and I think they found it awkward to actively say no to her because she was there and part of the conversation. But he says she has never driven the route before. Just once she came on a bike but tailed off quite quickly.

OP posts:
TheChiefJo · 31/05/2021 18:59

How did she get your address, OP? It all seems a bit odd. I'd be asking for the details.

virginfannyornaments · 31/05/2021 19:01

@frankenpoodle

Tbh, I can see the men's side of this. It sounds like it started innocuously enough. They haven't invited her and probably don't really want her there, but at the same time none of them want to be the mean, rude person who tells someone they're not welcome. It can be difficult for a polite, decent man to tell a woman she's unwelcome without it feeling very awkward. If they're meeting at a public place, they can't very well tell her to leave, anyway.

The problem comes in when she invites herself into someone's home because she's supposedly part of the group. She's crossing boundaries and coming across as a sad, desperate, rather pathetic woman.

I agree with this.
TheChiefJo · 31/05/2021 19:02

I see you just answered that question, sorry.

fearfulfran · 31/05/2021 19:02

"Ab fab" is a sex club round here Shock

There are only 8 of them... it's bit that bug a group that this woman could just be forgotten in conversation

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 19:04

Because he would have told them the address and she was there. Most are local but one or two have never been here.

I’m not sure how I’m sounding vicious, exactly? I did find her whole manner odd and She made no effort to talk to me, it was all about ingratiating herself over bikes and I just don’t buy she’s into bikes, to be honest. Or boxing, for they matter. If she wants to cycle, buy yourself a bike and actually cycle fgs!

OP posts:
LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 31/05/2021 19:05

So if she somehow became part of the conversation about going to your house for lunch, and nobody could say no to her, that would have been the point at which your DH could have texted or phoned you to let you know about this sudden development.

PegasusReturns · 31/05/2021 19:05

Someone gave her your address.

I’d want to know which of the 8 it was Hmm

chickenyhead · 31/05/2021 19:05

So the first time she goes the route is your husbands turn to host lunch. Hmmmm

duodunical · 31/05/2021 19:07

It must be her turn to host soon. How interesting.

sirfredfredgeorge · 31/05/2021 19:08

Hopefully you've spoken to the other wives by now!

Do people really know the partners of your partners hobby buddies? How would you meet unless you drove the café at the start of the ride to all wave pom-pom's, which is weird apparently.

CoraPirbright · 31/05/2021 19:09

Do you know the other wives? I would warn the next one that this utter fruit loop is going to turn up.

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 19:09

Yes “hmmm” and “interesting” are the words I would use.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 31/05/2021 19:16

She sounds weird, I don't agree that you are being mean about her, it just doesn't add up and the first you hear of it is in your own home.

The dynamic seems wrong altogether as do your husbands explanations. In the best case, she is lonely and your husband is thoughtless, in the worst, you just had the OW power display in front of you.

Your posts read like you don't know which, which is understandable.

Flowers
Gwenhwyfar · 31/05/2021 19:16

"The problem comes in when she invites herself into someone's home because she's supposedly part of the group. She's crossing boundaries and coming across as a sad, desperate, rather pathetic woman."

What is the actual problem though? I still don't get what harm she's doing.

Maireas · 31/05/2021 19:16

The oddest thing is her turning up and making no effort to interact with the woman hosting and providing the food.
Is that what happened with the Grid Girls at Formula One, anyone?

katy1213 · 31/05/2021 19:18

Barking mad - but why are you involved in entertaining any of them?

MustardRose · 31/05/2021 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

Seeingadistance · 31/05/2021 19:20

I"m now also thinking of her as Twist from Spaced!

What kind of sports car does she have?

funnylittlefloozie · 31/05/2021 19:22

There ARE women like this, though. My exH was heavily involved with a professional rugby team, and there were lots of slightly sad women like this. They really, really want to bag a player, but aren't the type, so spend the rest of eternity trying to bag a wealthy supporter. I think this woman is probably the amateur cycling equivalent.