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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 31/05/2021 19:45

The whole thing is weird because this isn't just about an enthusiastic woman following the group around the cycle lanes with muffins and pom poms.

This is a group of married men. They have engaged enough with her to include her in the WhatsApp group and to have her included, however unwittingly, in today's lunch.

But the OP has been told nothing about any of this until the woman turns up early. As PPs have said, something doesn't add up.

PegasusReturns · 31/05/2021 19:46

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Is it really that incongruous an idea that someone, out of eight people, said on that chat ‘Remind me of your address’?

They’re cycling together - lockdown notwithstanding I suspect OPs DH can find his way home and even if they get separated his visitors wouldn’t need the exact they just need to be able to recognise it.

But ok, someone added her to the group. Who did that?!

Dyrne · 31/05/2021 19:47

So if you’re insisting you’re not threatened by her; what exactly is your problem with her OP? She may not have been cycling but she is clearly well integrated into the group, so of course she felt welcome to come along to lunch (plenty of clubs have a social element to them). She chats to them, clearly knows about their lives, and is probably understandably under the impression that they’re all friends. She even brings food every week. What makes her behaviour so shockingly outrageous compared to the 7 other men who rocked up expecting to be fed?

toocold54 · 31/05/2021 19:47

I don’t think she’s the OW but they definitely like keeping her around to boost their ego.
A lot of it doesn’t add up. I think she is a bigger part of the team than DH let’s on.

chickenyhead · 31/05/2021 19:47

Exactly, this should have been a funny story DH freely shared with OP.

why didn't he?

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 19:49

I didn’t exactly know how many were coming but he said 8-10. There was plenty of food because it was Lebanese-type food so I just put it on the table and they can help themselves and they were outside. I don’t mind cooking etc at all, but what does annoy me with DH is that he expects me to be in and out with drinks like a waitress while he just sits there and fine if they are my friends or mutual friends, but these people are not my friends, they’re his. I’ve told him this and he apologises, but this is a trait with him. So it wasn’t all this woman’s fault I was annoyed and I admit that.

Maybe she has some mental health issues in which case I shouldn’t have posted. But I was just wound up tbh.

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 31/05/2021 19:53

of course it is weird, but so what? People do weird things all the time, it doesn't mean they are all ill-intentioned and deserve to be treated like dirt and insulted.

UhtredRagnarson · 31/05/2021 19:55

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I would have thrown her out of my house head first. But then I don't stand for weird crap like this.
Lol. No you wouldn’t.
MustardRose · 31/05/2021 19:55

@vivainsomnia

I think deep inside it is very much unerving you that your OH hasn't never mentioned her because unless he never ever talks about this cycling group and what they do, even snapshots of it, he had reasons not to mention her. My OH without a doubt would have done so.

There is more to it than what he tells you. Not having an affair, but not someone who also just happens to be there uninvited and cumbersome. You know that and that's why you are being quite nasty about her.

The OP's DH probably drones for England when he gets talking on the subject of cycling, so if he has ever mentioned this woman before, then the chances are that the OP was already bored rigid and had switched off.
Livelovebehappy · 31/05/2021 19:55

The men obviously like having her around. But they will of course pretend to their partners/wife that she's crazy and they don’t want her there.

TheChiefJo · 31/05/2021 19:56

For the posters accusing OP of being vicious or suspicious, Pom Pom woman behaved very rudely to OP in her own home, having never met her before and when OP was feeding her. That's rude and weird.

FreezeMotherHubbard · 31/05/2021 19:57

@Maireas

"my muffins bring all the MAMILS to the yard"
Elite post Star
DrSbaitso · 31/05/2021 19:59

@4cats4kids

I didn’t exactly know how many were coming but he said 8-10. There was plenty of food because it was Lebanese-type food so I just put it on the table and they can help themselves and they were outside. I don’t mind cooking etc at all, but what does annoy me with DH is that he expects me to be in and out with drinks like a waitress while he just sits there and fine if they are my friends or mutual friends, but these people are not my friends, they’re his. I’ve told him this and he apologises, but this is a trait with him. So it wasn’t all this woman’s fault I was annoyed and I admit that.

Maybe she has some mental health issues in which case I shouldn’t have posted. But I was just wound up tbh.

I expect he didn't mention PomPom MAMIL Maneater because he knew it sounded weird and was worried it might upset or annoy you somehow.

Personally I think she just has a cheerleader/grid girl fantasy. It's a bit hilarious silly, but it doesn't sound as if there's any evidence that your husband is shagging her.

Expecting you to be the drinks waitress for his mates while he sits around is crap. I'd take my revenge by joining PomPom MAMIL Maneater to follow him and his mates around in my own cheerleading costume (that would be horrible enough for them to have to see), bake shit muffins that they're too polite to refuse and do a crap baton routine to see them off, all the while pointing at him and shouting, "I'M HIS WIFE!"

LalalalalalaLand123 · 31/05/2021 19:59

So if you’re insisting you’re not threatened by her; what exactly is your problem with her OP?

Exactly. Sounds like you have more of an issue with the men, and your DH who expects you to be a waitress, and you're taking it out on a woman who, for reasons unclear, wants to hang out with cyclists. Take that up with your DH, and next time (if there IS a next time), either don't make the meal, or at least definitely don't be a waitress. Just leave the food and leave them to it, don't have any further involvement. (Though to me this is even weird - do the cyclists just sit around and the rest of the family of the house disappear? Now that is odd.)

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 31/05/2021 19:59

@TheChiefJo

For the posters accusing OP of being vicious or suspicious, Pom Pom woman behaved very rudely to OP in her own home, having never met her before and when OP was feeding her. That's rude and weird.
yes, and territorial.
Maireas · 31/05/2021 20:00

I thank you, @FreezeMotherHubbard Grin!
I'm just waiting for the OP to open her curtains one morning and see her standing there....

DrSbaitso · 31/05/2021 20:00

@Maireas

I thank you, *@FreezeMotherHubbard* Grin! I'm just waiting for the OP to open her curtains one morning and see her standing there....
She could teach us, but she'd have to charge!
CandyLeBonBon · 31/05/2021 20:00

I can't get over the catering requirements! Duck that shit! What are you all? Stepford wives? It's bizarre!

woofgoesthecat · 31/05/2021 20:06

Omg I know my eyes are really tired today, but I read ’Porn Pom Woman’ 😂.

Good night!

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 31/05/2021 20:07

Yeah ok bigger problem here. Being expected to behave as a waitress for social functions is not just a ‘trait’ of his, it’s deeply disrespectful. Perhaps you should start a fresh thread about your broader relationship because I suspect that mysterious female cycling fans will be the least of it.

Moonwhite · 31/05/2021 20:07

You are being very calm about posters informing you she's your DH's secret mistress Grin

I think I have a fairly clear picture of her now. She's probably harmless, but your DH and his group need to be careful about what information they give out in front of her, because she clearly does see them as her friendship group. They really should take her out of the whatsapp group too. They can put sensible boundaries in place without coming across as mean.

And on the subject of sensible boundaries, next time your DH mentions the "wife lunches" point him to a loaf of bread and pack of cheese. Yes he has an early start, luckily the evening before is available to him!

blacksax · 31/05/2021 20:07

Having been married to a musician for an eternity decades, I can assure you that there are plenty of middle-aged groupies who turn up at every pub gig week after week and act like they are 'entourage'. They ain't anything of the sort, and never likely to be.

But why anyone would get their kicks by hanging around with a bunch of cyclists is beyond me. Confused

StillCoughingandLaughing · 31/05/2021 20:08

[quote PegasusReturns]@StillCoughingandLaughing

Is it really that incongruous an idea that someone, out of eight people, said on that chat ‘Remind me of your address’?

They’re cycling together - lockdown notwithstanding I suspect OPs DH can find his way home and even if they get separated his visitors wouldn’t need the exact they just need to be able to recognise it.

But ok, someone added her to the group. Who did that?![/quote]
We’ve known from early on that someone had added her to the group. I haven’t got a clue how that relates to her having the address because someone - probably the OP’s husband - shared it on the group.

I also ‘suspect’ he can find his way home. But it’s not 1990, where ‘Follow my car/bike’ was the best most of us could do in terms of directions. I can’t believe you haven’t even considered that the OP’s husband might have taken less than ten seconds to type ‘Postcode is WS1 9RG in case anyone gets lost’.

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 20:12

DrSbaitso Grin

Really I apologise if I’m sounding vicious about this woman and maybe she’s not well or has something going on, I don’t know. To all those who are saying my husband is definitely shagging her, all I can say is that you had to be there really and also, if he was having an affair, it wouldn’t be with her. The others, I can’t speak for, but I would doubt it to be honest. I felt like she was very rude to me, to be perfectly honest and I got a bad vibe from her. As I said, if you want to start cycling - a) get a proper bike and b) join a beginners’ group. And if you turn up unexpectedly at another woman’s home, at least try talking to her, rather than pretending you are actually interested in what these men are talking about because it doesn’t wash with me, sorry.

OP posts:
Dyrne · 31/05/2021 20:13

@TheChiefJo

For the posters accusing OP of being vicious or suspicious, Pom Pom woman behaved very rudely to OP in her own home, having never met her before and when OP was feeding her. That's rude and weird.
How did the woman behave “rudely” to OP? The worst crime I can see is that she “didn’t make an effort to talk to [the OP]”; at which point I wonder how many of the men made an effort either given her own husband was treating her like a skivvy?
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