People who have nannies and cooks around the clock etc

Lostlemuria · 27/05/2021 19:50

In my experience, no. But no judgement from me.

gingganggooleywotsit · 27/05/2021 19:52

No and why should they? If you have the money you will live in a bubble and not be interested in how others live I’m sure!

Merryoldgoat · 27/05/2021 20:21

No, but that’s true of many things.

I don’t think it should be a race to the bottom - it’s not better to be run ragged and exhausted.

It would be nice if everyone’s set up allowed them some respite.

ufucoffee · 27/05/2021 20:21

Of course they don't. Lucky them

AdriannaP · 27/05/2021 20:24

No.
My ex boss paid her nanny until 10pm every day, booked an au-pair for holidays (otherwise it wouldn’t be a holiday), nearly had a breakdown when her nanny had covid (not out of concern but was angry she had to deal with the kids alone). Admitted she didn’t bath the children or cook dinner ever. Honestly she had no clue was life was like for the rest of us.
Complained how tired and exhausting it was when nanny was sick and that she had to drink every night to cope (two children, both over 5).

Workinghardeveryday · 27/05/2021 20:25

Not a clue. You can’t even imagine how hard it is unless you have done it yourself

partyatthepalace · 27/05/2021 20:27

No, because they are paying to avoid that very thing.

Unless they run their own business or whatever and are straight back at work, obvs

FruHagen · 27/05/2021 20:30

I'd say they have no clue, but who wants to have a nanny and cook in the house getting in the way of you looking after your kids anyway. It's really hard work but everything worth anything is hard work (imo)

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/05/2021 20:31

Not really- my boss does very minimal parenting when I’m not there. No boundaries, doesn’t enforce teeth cleaning, homework or washing etc. I do all that. She would have no clue off the top of her head what uniform they’d need on that day or what size shoes they took. I am responsible for buying all their clothes and uniform, and there’s a weekend junior nanny too, so everything except making sure the children don’t die when she doesn’t have help is outsourced.

Youdoyoutoday · 27/05/2021 20:35

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Not really- my boss does very minimal parenting when I’m not there. No boundaries, doesn’t enforce teeth cleaning, homework or washing etc. I do all that. She would have no clue off the top of her head what uniform they’d need on that day or what size shoes they took. I am responsible for buying all their clothes and uniform, and there’s a weekend junior nanny too, so everything except making sure the children don’t die when she doesn’t have help is outsourced.

I find that quite sad in a way, what's the point of having kids if you have no interest in them?

Do the kids ask for her or are that happy with you dealing with everything?

ufucoffee · 27/05/2021 20:40

This reminds me of a newspaper article some years ago where a rich man was complaining that on a flight his wife had to sit with their three children and the nanny elsewhere. And his poor wife had to deal with the children alone for the whole flight. Poor thing.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/05/2021 20:44

@Youdoyoutoday not really as they’ve had a nanny since they were newborn, and it’s really normal in those circles. I don’t think she doesn’t take an interest in any of those things because she had no interest in her children, exactly- she certainly revels in their achievements etc- but she seems to find it totally overwhelming- it’s just admin to her that she has no clue how to deal with. She’s not distant with them exactly, she just does none of the gritty leg work in raising them.

Before I get accused of being sexist or anything- there is no other parent in the picture.

Borridge · 27/05/2021 20:44

I feel no guilt but I also had 3 babies at once . And I definitely feel like a parent.

dogistoobigforthesofa · 27/05/2021 20:49

My Mum had staff to do the cleaning, childcare, gardening - the lot and tells us (with no help and no family nearby to help) that she had it tough raising three children. She really has no idea...

fruitandflowers · 27/05/2021 20:49

Curious as to what cleaning the house has to do with being a parent.

V nasty thread imo

Youdoyoutoday · 27/05/2021 20:52

OK, interesting different point of view. I was a single mum for a while and it's such hard work so if I could have afforded a nanny, I think I would have but I also think I'd have difficulty giving up some tasks to a nanny as mad as that sounds!!

OverTheRubicon · 27/05/2021 20:53

I'd stay off the slippery slope. Otherwise you get to whether women who have children in nursery while they work really know what it's be a parent etc etc.

There are very few women in this position, and most of them that do have insanely long hour jobs, a real dislike of being with their own children, or a husband who holds the purse strings (and maybe isn't that involved either), or all of the above. Either way, I wouldn't swap on the round the clock nannies, though I'd love a cook a few times a week

wizzywig · 27/05/2021 20:55

I think similarly about those who get free childcare from extended family. They also don't know what it's like to have their kids full time

OwlTwitterings · 27/05/2021 20:57

do they really know what parenthood ( especially baby stage ) is actually like for people who don't have that?

No, but then those who do know that don’t know what it’s like to have a lifestyle where you have nannies and cooks round the clock.

Taliskerskye · 27/05/2021 20:58

What a shitty thread
I’m sure lots of hands on mums are fucking crap at being mums. And hated by their children.

I’m sure lots of mums who have nannies and housekeepers or cleaners are deeply loved and cherished and their children are thankful of their wonderful life.

SnarkyBag · 27/05/2021 21:00

Good luck to them the lucky fuckers

TropicalFairyCake · 27/05/2021 21:01

Wizzywig - I was thinking taht too. Those with family on tap for help or even advice have no idea of the sheer exhaustion doing it on your own.

But thats the same for so many things, parenting twins/ child with additional needs/ etc.

If I were wealthy Id have loved an extra pair of hands.

But I think never dojng baths/dressing/getting ready for school is missing a bonding experience.

My dad went to board at 7. His parents love him but it was a very reserved British stiff upper lip love.

Octopuscake · 27/05/2021 21:02

@wizzywig good point. It's not a race to the bottom, is it?

Foxhasbigsocks · 27/05/2021 21:06

I have known some women like this in city jobs. Eg early return from maternity leave for one former colleague as while she had planned to be off 6 months she found she didn’t enjoy being at home with her baby after the first few weeks so scrapped her maternity leave and returned to the office . Nanny full time. Then housekeeper full time and all the cooking etc done, no need to rush home at all so work could take priority. Then kids boarded from prep.

I don’t think it’s at all the norm.

No I don’t think they would know what it’s like for the average family, but then I guess the reverse is true too as I can’t imagine what it would be like to live with wall to wall help either.

DysmalRadius · 27/05/2021 21:06

Does a parent raising in a child in relative affluence and safety know what parenting is 'really' like for someone raising their children in a war zone, or during a natural disaster, or even in the same city but in severe poverty? Surely there's nothing inherently superior about experiencing hardship as a parent when you can avoid it?

Every other thread on here is about fathers who know nothing about their children's activities, shoe sizes etc because they leave it all to the mother to manage.

A parent that acknowledges that they don't want to deal with uniforms and meal planning and chooses to pay a professional to take on those tasks seems preferable to the status quo that so many families fall into whereby it all becomes the mother's job on top of everything else.