People who have nannies and cooks around the clock etc

[claramonica]

I know this is unreasonable and none of my business and also not my place to make a judgement on.

But people who have nannies from basically day one and cleaners- do they really know what parenthood ( especially baby stage ) is actually like for people who don't have that ?

[quote kindofcoping]@Octopuscake yes cleaning and cooking are not relevant. But doing normal things like bathing, dressing, putting to bed are parts of parenting. If your only experience of parenting is playing games happily with your child and you let paid staff take over anytime your DV are unhappy or awkward or difficult, you have a more superficial relationship with your child.[/quote]
Exactly this. Ask my teens about their early childhood and tbe memories they treasure are the bedtime stories, bath times, meal times. They don't even remember trips to theme parks holidays etc. To children the small things that some parents avoid are the most significan't things to the children.

I had a live in nanny for 11 years. I'm a single mum. The father is abroad and totally absent. My DD12 now does casual boarding at her secondary school instead of having a nanny so I can work.

Shoot me. Seriously bored of women judging other women. (And yes I clean my own house but only because I haven't had time to find a cleaner.)

These kinds of debates get tiresome so quickly. Everybody is just doing their own thing. There isn't a "right" or "correct" way to parent. We're all doing the best we can with the resources that we have. It's hard enough raising kids without having other parents shitting all over your choices.

@Embracingthechaos well said

I had a cleaner when I had a baby.
I still spent all day tidying up and then also doubly tidying up the night before she came. It was great not having to mop floors or clean windows but I don’t think it meant I didn’t understand what being a mother really was.

Most people I know who got more help were happier and no less mothers. If I had my time again with babies I would pay for lots more practical support to enable me to feel less worn out and able to really enjoy the time with them. You don’t have to be permanently exhausted to be a good mother. Who cares who washes their clothes as long as someone does?

She was asking about what people who have round the clock assistance understand about normal parenting

Where’s the line drawn though? What counts as normal parenting? Did I bath my children when they were young? Yes of course. As did our nanny, as did DH.

What’s the magic number of baths given or bedtime stories read before you become an abnormal parent?!

And what counts as ‘round the clock’?

I had several friends who used night nannies in the early days. I would have used one myself if I had a reflux baby, I think

But that was only for a few weeks to get through the worst of it, and usually only for 3-5 nights of the week

I also have friends who have nannies who are contracted til 7:30pm each night, but in reality are rarely used til that late and the standard hours are to avoid lots of last minute ‘sorry I’ve got to work late tonight, can you stay on a bit longer’ type of situations

The only person I’ve ever met who had truly ‘round the clock’ help had a terribly ill child with complex medical needs
I’d love to see OP tell her to her face she doesn’t understand how hard parenting is for ‘normal parents’

I have a nanny mainly for my youngest. Do I know what parenting is ? 100 percent.
I spent 14 years being a single parents middle DC has a severe disability which requires around the clock care, I work full time and I’m exhausted.

No. One of the top bosses at my work (public sector) gave a talk at the organisation's women's network. She managed to alienate the vast majority of women there (average to low paid and quite a lot of part timers) when she announced, during a discussion about work/life balance that the only way she and her husband had managed it was by employing a day nanny and a night nanny. I swear the temperature in the room dropped by several degrees when she said that!

@leprintemps

Sounds like a poor leader. Conversely I was asked to give a talk around “success” to my organisations network. I suggested that it would be better for women to hear from a variety of women throughout the organisation rather than one at the top because the reality is my experiences do not translate well to most of the work force.

Having a nanny and cook sounds like bliss if you ask me. Not having to do the nursery run? Yes please!

My cousin had a full time nanny and housekeeper when her DCs were very young. She says it actually made her a much better parent because she was rarely exhausted or drained, and had plenty of energy to be fully engaged with her DCs. I know she did virtually every bedtime story and most bath times. But she could properly enjoy this because she didn't have to get involved in preparing dinner and didn't ever have to clean the bathroom afterwards.

Our best friends are ex-pats and had 'staff' when they're DCs were small, and they would always bring their nanny on holiday with us. It was fantastic. We could thoroughly enjoy all the best bits of parenting without any of the drudgery.

Personally, I believe drudgery is very overacted and avoid it where possible.

They are just different, it's the way they live their lives.

I was on a flight in business class once. 3 kids ( one was about 5, the others 8-10 ish) were sitting on their own. The nanny kept popping in from economy to see how they were. The flight attendendents had to chuck her out in the end. I assumed the parents were in First. I also assumed they were cunts!

The race to the bottom is strong on this thread.

I have a full time helper, have had a cleaner since before we had kids and understand perfectly what the reality of having kids is.

Which is why I outsource the plenty of shit parts so I can enjoy the rest of it.

God, folk on here are such martyrs.

I think I fell somewhere in the middle of this range. I worked as a very well paid very specialist freelance until I had one child at 44, and took maternity leave. I worked eight or nine months of the year and had a quiet summer with the odd week's work. When I returned to work, I had a nanny who arrived as DH went to work, and handed him a bathed fed baby to put to bed, and left. She brought her own child to work quite often as they were about 18 months apart and played well together. It worked well, I could travel to the end of the earth if needed and know all was well at home. And we had a cleaner (no gardener though). Then, nanny fell pregnant a second time having been told it wouldn't happen, diagnosed with pre-eclampsia going into my frantic season, and severe post-natal depression a few months later; and never returned, except socially. After which we spun from pillar to post for six months until we had a brilliant relief nanny one day and she took over the job for the next two and a half years, and was later snapped up by another working mum she met from school.